


Death is not Redemption

by Porgsforbreakfast



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben being dead is stupid, Ben's not dead, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fighting is Flirting, Fix-It, Jedi need therapy, Of course Ben Solo cooks, Post-TROS fix it, Slow Burn, The Force Ships It, super slow burn, very eventual smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:34:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 33
Words: 54,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22342660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Porgsforbreakfast/pseuds/Porgsforbreakfast
Summary: Everyone needs therapy after the ending of TROS, not least Ben and Rey. Can they find a way to be truly happy, or are they going to live at sabers drawn for the rest of their lives?***And so it was that one evening, shortly before dark, a voice, both deep and soft, called down into the courtyard of the homestead, shattering her solitude and booting her squarely out of her life in limbo.“Hello?” Came the call, questioning. Soft boots padded cautiously down a few steps before repeating “Hello?”Rey, who had been hunched over her workbench, bolted upright and her saber flew to her hand. Just before she ignited its golden beam, a familiar and unwelcome face peered into the homestead, clearly perplexed at finding it in decent repair. As their eyes met, both flew open with utter shock.“What are you doing here?!” Ben Solo and Rey Skywalker exclaimed simultaneously.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, rey - Relationship
Comments: 72
Kudos: 218





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ben dying is easily the stupidest and most boring decision Disney made for TROS. How many times have we seen the redemption-by-death narrative in Star Wars alone? So we're going to do something better. ACTUAL redemption, which is more difficult than falling backward and fading away into the Force.
> 
> That said, Rey falling into Ben's arms without some serious understanding just isn't going to happen. Trust is earned.

Rey Skywalker was starting to get into a routine here on Tatooine. Master Luke would probably laugh at her; a year ago, she’d called his routine “not busy,” but hers was much the same, albeit on a desert planet rather than a rocky island. Growing up on Jakku, she was used to the heat and the sand, used to finding and fixing things and not needing much for survival. Rey had only been here for a few months and was finally starting to feel some of the tension of the last year or so unwind. She had spent a few weeks with her friends after the war ended. After Exegol. But she felt hollow, shocked, like she was on the other side of the galaxy from her exuberant friends. Two years ago, she’d been a slave-scavenger on Jakku, barely scraping together enough portions to keep meat on her bones. Since then, she’d met legendary heroes, discovered that the Force was real and that she could use it, been disappointed by mentors, tortured by monsters -one of them her own grandfather- and been mentally chained to a Sith lord. She wasn’t sure she could call Ben Solo a monster anymore, though he certainly had been one as Kylo Ren. And while she’d wished him well with that single, impulsive kiss on Exegol and was relieved to see him staggering into his TIE interceptor, she also punched the coordinates for the Resistance base and let him blur into the background of hyperspace without even a look back over her shoulder.

Where she was once a prisoner to the fear of losing her family that kept her stranded on Jakku, now, her friends assured her, the galaxy was her oyster. She could open a Jedi academy, record her holo-memoirs, kriff, she could join up on the next freighter as a pilot or mechanic and leave it all behind, but none of that seemed right. She’d gone on a few “commercial expeditions” with Chewie, but he wasn’t doing much better than she was. He clearly missed Han and Leia, too, but she was stunned when he told her he needed some time and was going back to Kashyyyk for a while. Chewie was always the stalwart, there for the rise and fall of republics and empires for more than 250 years and she thought there was nothing he couldn’t shake off with his usual brand of grumpy practicality. So she’d found herself with the Millennium Falcon to herself and nothing to do with it, and after bouncing around the rim for a few weeks, Tatooine loomed up in her viewport and she thought “why not?”

She supposed it was The Force at work, bringing her here. At least she still had faith in that. But what good were The Force and the Jedi and the Resistance to her, here and now? The only person she’d ever known who would probably understand even some of what she’d been through -instantly raised from desert obscurity to the dizzying heights of Jedi power, gaining and losing a family, a legacy, before she could even perceive it, let alone appreciate it- was Luke, and he was not much more helpful as a Force ghost than he had been on Ahch-To. He showed up with Leia when she’d buried the sabers, and though their smiles were kind, they were short on answers. Leia had thrown herself back into politics after the last war, but Rey saw her as the exception to the rule. She was sure that it was written, somewhere, in some obscure Jedi text she’d never seen, that the Jedi way of dealing with unresolved trauma was to become an eccentric or a hermit, or maybe both. Seeing that old lady pass by the abandoned Lars homestead, croaking her lament that there hadn’t been anyone there for so long seemed to seal the deal. Rey was here, at least until she got herself figured out a bit. She wouldn’t call herself depressed, but she desperately needed to simplify.

So Rey spent her days doing what she did best: fixing things and surviving. She got a few ‘vaporators running pretty quickly -the desert had been kinder to them than the seas of Ahch-To had been to Luke’s slimy old x-wing- and started trading water to Jawas and in Anchorhead for parts and supplies. She bought another horrible old speeder, orange this time, and spent time fixing that too. She dug out the old homestead, rigging up a bucket and pulley to make it go faster. She fitted D-0 with a big inflatable tire to better cope with the sand, and couldn’t help but be charmed by its grateful devotion. Maybe she wasn’t the only one with issues. It was only when she was starting to run out of sand and ‘vaporators and droids to ignore her problems with that she turned to meditation out of boredom as much as desperation. The mantra that Leia had taught her -be with me- rang hollowly every time she muttered it. Oh, she levitated herself and rocks and old machine parts and even sweet little D-0 but she was lying to herself. The Jedi of the past weren’t coming. She could cheat a little bit and pretend that maybe it was because she didn’t really need them, but she knew it was because she had closed herself down to the force. She could still make things fly, she could run a practice course as fast as ever, and her lightsaber forms were all tip top, but she was not going to open her feelings to the fullness of the Force. Not after all that. Not while the only other Jedi-trained Force-user in the galaxy was still such a bad memory. 

And what was with Ben Solo anyway? She remembered smashing things on his ship as they fought, and passing him the saber on Exegol. She supposed it didn’t matter anymore, not really. She didn’t plan on getting into any battles for the future of the galaxy so she didn’t need anyone to hand her a lightsaber from miles away at a critical moment. It was one of those things that just wasn’t going to have a neat and happy ending. That was going to have to be fine by her. At least there was an ending.

And so it was that one evening, shortly before dark, a voice, both deep and soft, called down into the courtyard of the homestead, shattering her solitude and booting her squarely out of her life in limbo.

“Hello?” Came the call, questioning. Soft boots padded cautiously down a few steps before repeating “Hello?”

Rey, who had been hunched over her workbench, bolted upright and her saber flew to her hand. Just before she ignited its golden beam, a familiar and unwelcome face peered into the homestead, clearly perplexed at finding it in decent repair. As their eyes met, both flew open with utter shock. 

“What are you doing here?!” Ben Solo and Rey Skywalker exclaimed simultaneously.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little POV switch

Ben Solo was not expecting to see anyone at the old Lars homestead, let alone Rey Palpatine. After dragging his sorry self off of Exegol, he’d spent a few months hiding out in an old Jedi temple, nursing his cracked ribs and a badly sprained ankle. Luckily, the jungle planet he’d arrived on had made it easy to survive. Hobbling around on an improvised crutch wasn’t too much of an impediment to gathering fruit when he could pluck it from any branch he wanted using the Force. And a lifetime of combat training made spearing fish relatively easy to pick up. 

There wasn’t much company in the temple, unless you counted creepy statues and moldy books. He had a lot of time to think. He felt like a drunk who’d come off a bender to find he had nothing left: no family, no home, no job. Rock-bottom was a good description of his emotional state. He had no idea how to go forward and that was fine by him. He was going to spend the rest of his days staying the kriff away from the dark side and eating enormous fruits full of banana-flavored goo. Anything else was asking for trouble.

Of course, this non-existence was unsustainable. He’d get bored, so he’d start to train, and training led to meditating, and before long he’d be feeling the pull of the dark side again. No longer did he feel the rage, the inadequacy, the foolish desire to make something -anything- of himself, but the feelings of regret, loss, and self-blame never failed to appear. Force, he’d been stupid. What did it matter if the darkness consumed him now? He’d done horrible things. The stupid texts held no comfort. They didn’t tell him anything he hadn’t learned before he was 12. Eventually, he’d always scrape the bottom of the trough in his spirit that was Han Solo. Han Solo, unreliable father, but ultimately redeemed in death by his last, desperate act of love for him, his son. And he hadn’t even wanted to kill his mother, but she died for him anyway. How was that for an act of kindness? Rey hadn’t even let him die, and he knew she felt Leia’s loss, too. Maybe it would have been easier if Palpatine had managed to finish him off in that pit. Then again, he didn’t regret saving Rey. He thought it was the only thing he’d done in years that would have made his parents proud. Clinging to that scrap of light, eventually he’d pull out of it, trying to remember some of the meditations Luke had taught him -Force, he’d killed Luke, too- and bit by bit he’d climb out of that pit again.

Clearly this suspended animation in the temple of his own failures wasn’t doing him any good. For all the years he spent studying, both in the dark and in the light, he’d developed an analytical mind and a decent working knowledge of the Force. Maybe it was time to stop looking at vague answers for where the Jedi had failed him and look to more practical examples. He’d spent years revering the dark side of Vader, but he also knew that Anakin Skywalker had died in the light. He decided to follow the lines of his blood curse back to where it all began, on Tatooine. 

***

“Whoa, easy.” Ben held up his hands in the universal gesture of harmlessness, and stepped back a few paces.

“What… are you doing here.” Rey growled again. Clearly she didn’t like her ghosts to appear resurrected in front of her. 

“I could say the same for you, you know.” Ben was slowly letting his hands fall, now reasonably sure Rey wasn’t going to slice him in half. “But since you’ve got the saber…” Kriff, was he trying to joke with her? Stupid, stupid.

Rey looked at him for another long moment before stowing her saber on her belt and turning to head back inside. “It’s getting dark; you’d better come in.” As angry as she was, she also knew that they’d come to something of a detente, at least as far as physically fighting with laser swords. Each had the strength and guile to overcome the other; each, ultimately, lacked the viciousness to strike the death blow. She looked at him meaningfully.

“Well?” Her hand hovered over the saber just because.

Ben closed his eyes for a second and Rey could feel him reaching out to the Force, letting it distill his purpose. He looked at her with that unflinching gaze and told her the truth, just as he always had. “Even if I’m facing the light, the dark is still at my back. I had to go back to the beginning.” A pause. “I guess you did too?”

“I had some things to work through. This seemed like as good a place as any.” She shrugged. “Stuff that rag under the door so more sand doesn’t get in. There’s some rations in the kitchen and you can have the other bedroom, up the far stairs. ‘Fresher’s by the kitchen.” As he stood there a little stunned, she threw a coarse brown blanket at him and tossed over her shoulder, “I check the ‘vaporators at dawn. Don’t make me wait.” And then she was gone, presumably to any room where he wasn’t.


	3. Chapter 3

Well that hadn’t been what Ben was expecting. He thought he’d camp at the Lars homestead for a few nights to get the feel of the place, maybe find some of Luke’s old projects or something, question any Force ghosts that happened to show up. And there she was, the person who had been hit hardest by the tidal wave of his distilled mistakes. It seemed like the Force wasn’t down with his noble journey of self discovery, or whatever this was.

He faffed around with the rag, taking much more time than necessary to stuff it under the door so Rey could escape without him watching her the whole time. He needed a few moments with his thoughts, too. He hadn’t meant to ever see her again, not after everything he’d done. Maybe, at the end, he’d had a little hope for what might have been, what with the mutual resurrection, but when she’d jumped to hyperspace without a look back, he figured out how to take the hint. When Rey’s footsteps had disappeared, Ben shouldered his small pack and went to find his room. It wasn’t hard; Luke had described the homestead to him when he was a kid. As he came up the stairs into the larger bedroom, his gaze fell on the simple but beautiful pattered rug on the floor. Following his sense of the Force, he knelt and placed his hand on it. He didn’t see a lot, but he felt Shmi Skywalker and her love for her son, Anakin. He also felt the tragedy at the end. He’d meditate on it later, he guessed, but was too tired and shocked, and if he was being honest, he didn’t even really know what he was doing here or what it all meant. Without further thought, he tossed his rucksack in the corner, and unfolded the thin sleeping pad on the bunk, pleased to find it clean if not of recent vintage. Both weary and exhausted, he kicked off his boots, curled up under the blanket fully clothed, and went to sleep.

***

Rey had been working in the old entrance courtyard to the underground homestead to take advantage of the fading light when she heard the voice. At first, she thought she was hallucinating, having a vision, but no, Ben Solo was real. As she leapt up he appeared, clad now in the simple browns of a Jedi monk, his hood up to cover his head. He had a truly horrible beard. For a minute she considered lighting her saber up on him, but she wasn’t actually feeling rage or violence toward him, just surprise and then resignation that the Force brought him here too, so he might as well stay. Sometimes the Force was very irritating.

Thankfully, he didn’t have much to say to her, but she wasn’t going to sit up at her work bench, waiting for him to wander back in and want to talk or something. With a warning that he’d better earn his keep on this still-remote moisture farm, she headed for Luke’s old room where she’d been camping out. She thought of it as camping out because she hadn’t really changed anything to make it hers. More life in suspended animation. She didn’t really want to sleep, it was barely after dark, after all, so she tried to pass the time and tamp down some of her agitation with exercise. After a while, tired but not very much relieved, she gave up and started to get ready for bed. She changed into her nightwear and flopped into bed feeling a little guilty that she hadn’t meditated and simultaneously sure that it would be useless. It’s not like you could grab the nearest Force ghost and shake some answers out of it. 

As she laid in the narrow bed, though, she fumed gently at the absurdity of it all. Apparently Ben Solo was her Force-enforced, permanent bad penny who’d turn up regardless of where she was in the galaxy and whether she was struggling against evil or just a clogged flux coil. After a while, she resigned herself to the inevitability of his presence and lowered some of the mental walls she’d had up since spacing out of Exegol at maximum hyperspeed. She wasn’t inviting him in, per se, but it seemed pointless to put in all the work to maintain her outer defenses when he apparently had a homing instinct just for her. She was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to hear her internal voice, or see her, and certainly not pass objects back and forth, but making her feelings a little louder wasn’t going to hurt her. She certainly didn’t mean to filter them for him, either. On that satisfying note, she finally closed her eyes and slept.


	4. Chapter 4

Ben was awake and eating something at the dining table when Rey emerged from her room the next morning. Already dressed, she made use of the ‘fresher and then made her way to the kitchen. 

“Made ‘caf.” He rumbled as she passed.

“Thanks.” Rey mumbled back. In the tiny kitchen she found a can of protein-fortified grain cereal and reconstituted it with some hot water. She poured herself some caf -still hot- and took everything back to the table, sitting down on the opposite corner from Ben. Rey worked her way silently through the bowl of hot cereal and then started on the caf. The lights were still at minimum because the suns weren’t up yet. Ben’s pale face hovered in the gloom, not looking at anything in particular. As she lifted the cup and inhaled the rich, hot aroma, she felt that little surge of anticipation and sigh of contentment she always felt with her first sip of caf. From Ben, she felt a little glow of something; she flicked her eyes up to him, feeling a little defensive but quickly smoothing her ruffled emotions and keeping her face calm.

Without looking up, Ben murmured, “I’m not used to being useful to other people.”

“Glad you enjoy it,” Rey replied drily. “Your big carcass is going to need a lot of water out there, so you can fill the cans and carry them. I’ll get you something to cover your face.” Ben nodded and made for the storage room. She didn’t bother telling him how to fill the cans at the cistern; he figured out the caf, he could figure that out too.

***

Rey’s speeder didn’t have two seats, but it did have a decent running-board-like platform around the sides and back that she used to lash down cargo and her tools. When she appeared, swathed in a light colored robe with goggles on her forehead and a scarf pulled low on her face, Ben was already loading up the water cans and securing them down. 

“Found these in the storage room,” she said, handing him another pair of goggles and a scarf for his face. “They’re too big for me, but the lens isn’t cracked too bad.” He took them carefully and when he had secured both, made an “after you” gesture. Rey climbed up on the speeder and Ben hopped up behind as she kicked it to life. He didn’t miss the way her saber swung at her hip under her robe. No Jedi, regardless of his status with the Force, could miss that. When she felt him holding on to the back of her seat, she took off for the first ‘vaporator on her circuit as the suns started to tinge the horizon pink.

The first one wasn’t too bad; she replaced a seal pretty easily. Ben held out tools for her. He was a good assistant, always knowing what she’d want next. She didn’t put that down to the Force; replacing a simple gasket didn’t take much sense and he’d done it enough times on the Falcon as a kid. The next one was a bit more challenging. The entire intake housing was clogged with dust. Normally, she’d have to climb on top of her speeder and wrench it down to clear out the little baffles and crevices that made the air flow correctly into the condenser. With a shrug, she acknowledged the convenience of having an enormous man-mountain around who apparently spent all his down-time doing upper body workouts in the star destroyer’s officers’ gym. She heard a humorous scoff and felt a little flurry of pleasure from said man-mountain but walked around the other side of the speeder for a drink from one of the water cans.

They worked their way around the ‘vaporator field, reconnecting corroded cables, replacing fried fuses, clearing jammed panels. Once they got to pull a dead womprat out of one of the sand pits.

“Finish this one up and take a break?” Rey suggested. 

“Sure thing.” Ben went to bring the water to the shady side of the speeder as Rey finished banging the sand out of a panel when both of their heads shot up. Instinctively, they turned back-to-back and each scanned 180 degrees of the horizon.

“Tusken Raiders.” Rey murmured. “I see one of them, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t others.” Ben kept scanning and all at once the sand around them erupted with blaster bolts. Rey simultaneously ignited her saber and produced a blaster from under her robe. Ben rolled under the speeder for cover, catching the blaster fluidly as he came up to a firing position. Rey deflected a few bolts and took off at a run. She could hear Ben blasting away and the honking roar of the Raiders. Luckily, there were only two raiders hidden behind a small rock about 50 meters from her side of the speeder. Rey deflected another blast back at one of them and it fell. Before its companion could fire again, she was on top of it and finished it off with a single slash of her saber.

After a quick scan for others, Rey bolted back for the speeder, where Ben was mostly under cover but not really able to hit any of the Raiders who were arrayed slightly above him on some more rocks. Rey skidded to a halt and slid beside him under the speeder. 

“There’s four of them up there…” Ben was cut off by a blast that showered sand on them. 

“I’ll charge them, you flank left and I’ll meet you up there.” Ben nodded in agreement, their eyes locked. In the next heartbeat, Ben was rolling out from under the speeder a split second after Rey vaulted over the top, deflecting more blaster bolts as she ran. Ben managed to take out two of the Raiders before they realized where his fire was coming from and he had to hit the dirt. Rey took out the last two with a blur of her saber, looking up immediately for further assailants. Ben scrabbled up the steep, sandy slope leading to the rocks and joined in the search. Temporarily satisfied that no further threats were apparent, Rey deactivated her saber and they turned back to the speeder. Ben went to hand the blaster back to Rey.

“Keep it, at least for now. Someone might have heard the noise and come to have a look.” Ben nodded, eyes back to the horizon as Rey took a drink. They traded positions so Ben could get a drink, too. He was starting to suffer in the heat, with his darker robe and larger size.

“Let’s make these last few quick. It’s getting bad out here.” By silent agreement, Rey did most of the fixing and Ben stood guard. Once, he did climb up on the speeder to free some trash that had tangled around the mast of one of the ‘vaporators. By the time they got back to the homestead, they were both hot, gritty, and the adrenaline had completely worn off. They staggered into the entrance dome and dropped their tools with a thud. 

“Is it usually that bad?” Ben asked, unwinding his scarf.

“No. They only try me every couple weeks or so. There are usually only two or three of them, though.” She shook the sand from her robe and went to hang it on a hook. “Ben, that was… almost…” She trailed off.

“Fun?” He supplied.

“Fun? That’s a little dark.”  
“I’m a little dark. Better than I was.” He shrugged.

“Nice.” She said firmly. “It was nice to be on the same side for two fights in a row. And sort of fun.” He turned toward her and just looked at her. She felt sincerity coming off him in waves, then he spoke. 

“Fighting with you always felt wrong.” He looked down and turned away. His emotions coming at her were sad and earnest and very ashamed. “I’m sorry for it.”

“I think we both felt it. We both kept trying to offer each other a way out. But why? If it was so wrong, why did you do it?” 

He was silent for a long moment. Rey turned to leave and head back down into the living area. Just as she was about to leave the room, she heard Ben's voice, soft in her head.

“Every Jedi’s biggest problem: letting go of the past. I was too weak to… to kill it. In the end, you did it for me.” 

Rey’s face crumpled. “Ben,” she almost sobbed. “Ben that was the worst thing I ever did. It felt like killing myself.” 

She felt his approach more than heard or saw it. They had only been so close in the very worst moments, when they were trying to kill each other or one of them was dead or dying. He simply put his hand on her upper arm and tipped his head down toward hers.

“You set me free. You and my parents.” 

Rey shook her head as if trying to clear it. “I can’t talk about this right now.” She gulped air as he nodded. “You take the first ‘fresher, ok?” Rey said to Ben. 

“Ok.” He turned to go, but then paused. “I know this sounds like the worst old Jedi garbage, but I think the Force brought us here for a reason. I want to figure that out.”

“Ok,” she said, waving him off. “‘Fresher.” And she followed him at a safe distance into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, y'all, I really like seeing them fight together.


	5. Chapter 5

When she heard Ben close the door to his room after showering, Rey made her way down for her own shower. When she emerged, she found him dressed in cream leggings, a tan tunic, and cream wrap over-shirt. Classic Jedi, except for the socks. She was pretty sure she’d never seen a Jedi in his socks. He looked calm and comfortable and was tinkering with one of the hydroponics bays.

“Oh, uh, thanks…” Rey mumbled. “There’s so many things to do around this place. I get the feeling it was falling apart even before Luke left.” 

“It was. That’s why he was so good at fixing things.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, you know.”

“I did grow up half on a floating hunk of junk.” he felt a small flare of amusement from her, and looked at her curiously.

Rey mumbling self-consciously, “I called it garbage, right before Finn and I stole it on Jakku. In a way, it led me here… the Force again, I guess.”

“Whatever happened to the Falcon, anyway?” 

“It’s parked in a cave near a homestead a few clicks away. There was this old lady, and she was so excited to have a um…” she trailed off, blushing a bit.

“A what?” Ben asked, a little perplexed and a little amused.

“A Skywalker. Back in the old place. I told her I was a Skywalker.”

“Well that would explain it, then.” 

“Explain what?” Now Rey was perplexed but not amused.

“When I stopped for water and told her I was Ben Skywalker,” He felt Rey cringe, felt their connection crush and crumple. He waited a moment for her to recover. “When I told her that, she smacked me with her stick and asked what took me so long.” Rey couldn’t help but laugh at that.

“What is she going to think?!” 

“I don’t care what she thinks, but I’m more sure than ever that we have some stuff to figure out. Force stuff. Jedi stuff.”

“Sith stuff?” Rey challenged. 

“Maybe.” He feels the stubborn set of her mouth as much as sees it. “What if they’re both wrong?”

“Wrong about what? The Jedi embrace the light, and the things you did as a Sith…” But of course she remembered her first lesson with Luke. “You went straight for the dark, you didn’t even try to stop yourself.” He’d said to her, with horror. 

Ben senses the shape of her memory and nods. “I spent my whole life with the Jedi telling me both to cling to the light and to find balance. I never could do both, and now I wonder why it didn’t sound so ridiculous before.” 

“So what now?”

“I don’t know. I know I’d like your help, especially since we’ve been thrown together here like this. But I know I don’t deserve it, not yet. I’d like to earn it, though.” More pointed looks from Rey.

“Oh, so you say you’re very sorry and I’m supposed to just forgive you? And then we can be… I don’t know what… Force friends and live happily ever after? You do remember trying to kill me?”

“I told you that always felt wrong.”

“But you did it.”

“I did. And I’m sorry. And I can obviously feel that one apology isn’t going to earn your trust. I can live with that, and I’ll keep working to earn it.”

Rey was quiet for a minute. “You were helpful with those Raiders. What’s going on with the hydroponic bay?” Ben let their argument, or whatever it was, drop for now. He could feel that Rey wasn’t used to having anyone in close quarters with her that she’d needed to hash out conflicts with. That was ok, he was out of practice too. Not that long ago he’d just force-choke his way out of disagreements. But he did have a lifetime of Jedi training, he’d read reams of philosophy and studied thousands of artifacts. And Rey had her natural honesty. Her innate goodness that turned her back to the light even when she lost her temper, nowhere more obviously than on Kef Bir. Maybe they could do something with that.

***

They worked on the hydroponics for a while, getting all of the channels cleared and patching up the nutrient-delivery system. With no shortage of broken old machines, Rey was glad for some help. After a while, it was comfortable working next to him. But, like Ben had said, trust wasn’t instant, and after a while, she turned to Ben and said, suddenly, “What did you do with that blaster?”

“I cleaned it and hung it up in the entrance dome.”

“Oh. Thanks. Sorry, that was very suspicious of me.”

“It’s deserved.”

“Yes, it is.” She paused. “And it isn’t. I felt you turn back to the light, but we have a lot of bad history together." Ben nodded, and Rey continued. “I can trust you with a blaster.”

“Thank you.”

“But I am just not ready to delve deep into “our relationship” and whatever the Force wants from us.” 

Ben nodded. “Can we take a little time to just get used to each other? I like working with you, being useful. I think it’s good for me,” he said.

“I think that’s a good idea. And it’s not like we’re short of things to do around here.”

“We certainly aren’t.”

“I’m going to get some lunch, you want some?”

“Sure, what do you have?” 

“Dehydrated stew.” Ben pulled a face.

“It’s better than I’m used to.”

“Well if we get the hydroponics planted up, maybe we can do a little better.”

“It’s going to have to be you, I don’t know anything about cooking.” 

“Luckily for you, then, that I did all the cooking for Luke as his padawan. I’m not completely useless.” 

“I’m willing to concede that much.” And more companionably than before, they turned toward the kitchen for that stew.


	6. Chapter 6

That evening, while Rey was training with her saber, Ben decided it would be a decent time to meditate. He’d meant what he said to Rey, about wanting her help and having to earn it. He returned to his room after they ate and sat quietly on the bunk. What were his intentions? When he came to Tatooine, he was trying to look into his past. His pre-history, in a way, by trying to understand Anakin Skywalker. But how much did it matter to make peace with the dead? As he contemplated that, he began to feel that the Force wasn’t really interested in the ancient past right now. The Force had joined him and Rey together to defeat an evil. But that evil was gone, as much as evil ever is. The galaxy didn’t need saving. Maybe it was about finding a way forward, instead of looking back. 

He decided, after a while, that the past was important, but Anakin Skywalker didn’t have much to do with it, at least right now. So what did that leave him with? His own past, he guessed. There wasn’t much left of his own past. His parents were dead, thanks to him. His Masters, both light and dark, ditto. He’d destroyed Luke’s temple, too, and the Jedi who were supposed to be his friends, his peers. The only person alive he could think of who knew him even five years ago was Chewbacca. Even most of the ships and planets where he’d ever lived were destroyed.

And of course, there was Rey. There was another enormous mess he’d made. He’d kidnapped her, imprisoned her, forcefully invaded her mind, belittled her, and fought her on several occasions. He’d used her as bait so he could get a chance to kill Snoke. But he’d brought her back to life! And he was reasonably sure at the time that it would kill him, but he didn’t care. Surely that counted for something. But was it an excuse? No, if he had to be fully, truly honest, he knew that one good deed, even a big one, didn’t negate a lifetime of atrocities or all the things he’d done to Rey. He had no idea where even to start with the resurrection thing.

Ben’s meditations continued on these similar themes, again swirling him him down into darkness, like he’d done so many times in the abandoned Jedi temple. And like those many times, he wallowed in it.

***

Rey’s head was still muddled that evening with Ben’s sudden appearance and his apparent deep desire to talk things over. She had come here to deal with her own feelings, and felt like Ben being forced on her was unfair. But if she was honest with herself, she wasn’t really happy with how they’d parted. Everything was so tangled; better to just space out and move on. But here Ben was, so what to do about it? Unable to sit still, she grabbed her staff and saber and went down to the open area near the hydroponics bay and started to go through some forms. She wasn’t sure where Ben had gotten to, and right now she wasn’t worried about it. 

Maybe the Jedi had some things right; there was something about combat, about moving your body and being that much closer to life and death that brought you in contact with the Force. Rey started with the staff, whirling it around her body, striking, dispatching imaginary foes on all sides. She even put some fancy leaps and flips in there. After a while, she got the saber out and ignited its golden blade. The sound was almost hypnotic as it moved. She struck with it, slashed, spun it in her hands. Faster and faster, harder and more punishing, she worked the blade. Soon she entered a kind of flow state. She felt the Force open up around her, guide her movements, form her intention. And then, suddenly, that sucking sensation that meant her connection to Ben was opening and she could hear his voice and see the darkness swirling around him, through him. He didn’t seem to know she was there. She called his name and still he didn’t respond. Getting a little perplexed, she reached out to shake his shoulder. Still nothing. Finally, she tentatively touched his hand, hoping to wake him or bring him back to the present. But like on Ach-To, as soon as their hands touched, she was sucked into a vision.

***  
Rey was back in the enormous chamber on Exegol, where she’d faced the corpse of Emperor Palpatine. She felt him tempt her. She saw herself pass the saber to Ben, who’d rushed in with nothing more than a blaster. She saw them forced to their knees before him, and was fascinated by the glowing energy flowing from her and Ben. It was what Palpatine said that now caught her attention. 

“A dyad in the force. A power like life itself.” What did that even mean? She knew she could speak to Ben, could even touch him from light years away, but what did that mean to them now?

Then, with a flash, she saw Ben holding her body. She knew, somewhere deep down, that she hadn’t just been unconscious. Her head lolled back lifelessly. And then, under his touch, she was back again. Seeing his smile felt like a great weight had been lifted. And then there was that kiss. It wasn’t overly romantic, it was more like a triumphant kiss. Then they both collapsed, presumably exhausted, and the vision cleared as soon as it had appeared.

***  
Ben was sunk so deeply in his meditation, the darkness and guilt and shame washing over him, that he only felt Rey’s presence in the force as a sluggish ripple. He thought he heard her call his name before images started to come to him. Pretty quickly, he realized he was having a vision. There was a Jedi temple in front of him, but as he walked through the door, it crumbled around him. From the wreckage, he saw two figures appear. It was himself and Rey, side by side, looking at each other and laughing. And they were standing not in the light or in the dark, but in the blurry space between. 

The vision faded, and Ben slowly came back to himself. He didn’t leap up; he needed time to think, to arrange his thoughts in a way that he could explain them. He was now more sure than ever that the Force was bringing them together, had probably been bringing them together the whole time. But why did it choose the moment that it did? If its purpose was to turn him away from the dark side, or to awaken Rey as a Jedi, why did it wait so long? And what did that image even mean, the one of him and Rey? He had no idea, but it felt… nice? He was still turning thins over in his mind when he heard a tap on the door.

***  
Rey’s vision cleared; she was sweaty and out of breath. Not just from her training, but the vision, which had shaken her. Everyone called her a Jedi and she knew she was strong in the Force, but she was essentially untrained, except for a few weeks with Luke and a crate full of crumbling books. She had no idea what a “normal” vision was like, or how to interpret them. She was also pretty sure that touching Ben’s hand had been a mistake, that she had invaded his privacy or caused something dangerous to happen. Not that he hadn’t ever invaded her privacy, but she didn’t think tit-for-tat spite was going to take them anywhere good. So she went back inside, stowed her staff and saber, and splashed some water on her face. Then, she took a few steadying breaths -her heart was hammering, why?- and went to knock on Ben’s door.

“Come in, Rey.” Ben wasn’t surprised at her appearance.

“Um, hi, Ben. Is everything ok?”

“You saw something too.” Rey just nodded. He silently admitted her and walked back to his bunk, motioning for Rey to sit opposite him. She sank down, but didn’t immediately speak. Ben waited.

“I think I screwed up.” He raised his eyebrows. “I think something’s happening, and I have no idea what it is, but it’s about you, and you’re also the only person I can ask, but you saw something too?” Everything rushed out in a big blurt of words.

“I did.” But I don’t think you’re going to like it, he added silently. Rey narrowed her already intense gaze. “You first.” He calculated that what he had to say would probably upset her, and wanted to hear what she had seen.

She looked disgruntled but began.

“It happened again. The connection. When I was training, and suddenly I was standing in front of you. You must have been meditating.”

“I was.” He replied. “It, uh, wasn’t going well. It hasn’t been going well since Exegol. I thought I felt your presence, but it was muted. Muffled.” 

She nodded in agreement. “I could feel that. And I called your name and shook you but you didn’t respond. So I touched your hand and that’s when it started. Sorry.” 

“The vision.” He prompted. She nodded and went on.

“I saw… Exegol. And us there. I knew it was bad, but I didn’t realize how bad.” He nodded, but didn’t speak. “I knew that our Force… bond… thing… was strange. But what I don’t understand is what that.. creature…had to do with it. Either the bond or the dyad. Are they even the same thing? Do you know?” Ben looked at her, hesitating. “Just tell me,” she huffed.

Ben was momentarily confused. Hadn’t he tried to tell her? “A bond is a Force-link between two minds. And a dyad is, uh, when two people share one soul in the Force.”

“One soul in the Force.” She repeated, incredulously. “I’m not even my own person?!”

“No, it’s not like that! We’re… complementary. We’re both strong, but there are things we can do together that we can’t do individually.”

“Like transferring objects across light years.” 

“Right. I think it’s because as far as the Force is concerned, it’s like passing something between your own hands.”

“But why you? Why me?”

“I think we were both victims of circumstance. Me being the grandson of Vader and you being the granddaughter of… well.” He knew she didn’t like to think about that. “A force bond is something that is created by the Sith. It’s forged as a tool to torment a Jedi, to turn them to the dark side by invading their mind. But a dyad is so intrinsic and so powerful that I don’t think anything but the living Force itself can create it. Palpatine may have created the bond, but he doesn’t own it. He never did. And for what it’s worth, it clearly backfired. In the end, you weren’t the one to turn.”

“But you don’t know how close it was! I saw dark visions of myself. I saw myself doing what he said, striking him down and taking the galaxy for myself.”

“But you didn’t! I of all people should know what a difference that makes.”

“From the very moment I knew what the Force was, the dark called to me. And now you’re thrown back in my face so we can have so much fun slicing up Raiders and I didn’t ask for any of this!” Whirling on her heel, she stormed off.

***  
Ben wasn’t sure he should go after her, but the emotions pouring off her, slamming down their bond, were too dark and too familiar. He knew too well that shock and betrayal could lead to the dark side. She was clearly still hurt by the revelation of her family identity. And the powerlessness, the resentment of being unwittingly forced into a bond meant to drive her mad was overwhelming. He couldn’t stand by.

“Rey! Rey! Wait!”

“Leave me alone, Ben!” 

“No Rey, you have to stop. Look at yourself. You know you’re going over the edge. Just, stop for a minute.” Rey tried to keep running, but Ben caught her by the arm. She glared at him, but stopped trying to run. 

“Rey, don’t go to this place. I’ve been there. Please. Can you just listen to me for a minute?” She nodded abruptly. “You are your own person, of course you are. And words can’t adequately express what the Force even is, let alone a phenomenon so rare as a dyad. You are stronger than this, you’ve always been the strong one, but I will support you when you need it. We can figure this out. We can find a way that this works for both of us.”

“But what is this even for, anymore? I can’t think of two less-likely people to be forced together like this.”

“I don’t know. It’s possible we’ve already done what we were supposed to do: end Palpatine. Maybe we’re just like magnets, pulled toward each other without rational thought.” 

“That’s not encouraging.”

“Rey, I don’t even know what I’m doing here, not really. And I’m just as confused as you. But I spent a lot of years ignoring what the Force wanted from me and just focusing on what I could get from it. Power. Will you help me? Figure it out, I mean.”

“Are you going to keep turning up until I do?” 

He shrugged. “Not on purpose, but…”

“I know, I know, the Force.” She blew out a sigh. “Look, you haven’t even been here a day, I’m not asking you to leave or anything, but I’m not ready to rush into anything.” 

“That’s fair.” 

“I just need to know that I can trust you.”  
“I haven’t ever lied to you, Rey. I told you things that I thought were true but weren’t, but I never lied.”

“But you haven’t been exactly kind, either.” The words “you’re nothing” floated in the space between them.

“That… was the worst possible way to put it. I saw you as a tool, a way to fulfill my destiny. Not that long ago, I know.” He paused. “That was one of the biggest lies of the dark side. That people were only there to fulfill my ends.”  
Rey grimaced. “Look, I concede that we do need to deal with what happened between us, but you have to know you can’t force it.” Ben only nodded. “So thanks for your help with everything today, but I need a break.” And with that, she walked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey Jedi, you can feel your feelings without having an enormous tantrum and going over to the dark side. Just so you know.


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning seemed a little lighter, a little easier. Ben found Rey working on her speeder in the old garage. 

“What’s up with the speeder?” He asked.

“It’s old and broken, like everything else.” 

“Making any progress?”

“Not really. I like to check the ‘vaporators every day, but I don’t know if I’ll get out there before it’s too hot.”

“Then come eat something, I’ll cook,” and he held his hand out to her to help her up. Of course she didn’t need it, but it felt like the kind of thing normal people would do. Rey regarded it skeptically. 

“Are you sure we’re not going to have another vision?” She said, anxiously.

“No, but there’s only one way to find out.”

“Do we have to?”

“No, but it would be information to work with.”

“Ok, then.” Rey extended her hand slowly toward him. Just like on Ahch-To, they both hesitated, but for different reasons this time. Or at least partly for different reasons. Ben very carefully did not move to close the distance between them, letting Rey make the final decision. Their eyes were both riveted on their hands. They could feel their hearts pounding in unison. She finally gathered her courage and closed that last fraction, grazing his palm with a feather light touch of her fingertips. 

Nothing happened.

They both let out the breath they had been holding, hearts slowly returning to normal. In unspoken agreement, they both reached to clasp hands, and Ben pulled her up to stand. She stood in front of him, a little too close. Neither dropped their hands. His eyes were laughing. 

“Well that wasn’t too bad.” He deadpanned.

“Yeah.” Rey was at a loss for words.

“Come on, the caf is ready.” Each stood there, hearing his words but rooted to the spot. After a moment, Ben gave a kind of lurch to the side, dropped Rey’s hand, and headed for the kitchen.

***  
Ben was a much better cook than Rey even expected. He knew how to combine things in ways that made them better than when Rey had been eating them separately. She sat on the counter, drinking her caf and watched him at the little stove. Instead of just mixing up the cereal with hot water, he mixed up some kind of liquid from a powder and then cooked it all for a few minutes in a pot. He added a few things from the kitchen and some he must have brought with him. Some kind of dried fruit and some seed-looking things. She wouldn’t have even thought about mixing foods together; to her, food always came from a packet.

He ladled the now-significantly-improved porridge into some bowls, then held up the caf pot toward her, raising his eyebrows to ask if she wanted more. 

“Please,” she replied, holding her cup out. He refilled it and she hopped down from the counter. He handed her a bowl and they both made for the table. After eating for a few minutes, Rey broke the silence.

“So we’re both here, and there’s this… Force thing… and…” Rey could feel Ben sending calming signals at her and she stopped, simultaneously annoyed and calmed by it. “Not now, Ben, I mean, not yet. You can listen, but no talking back yet.” He tipped his head in acknowledgment and she felt the… whatever it was… retract. “But yeah, we need some rules.”

“Such as?”

“Before we use this Force thing, I want to know more about it.” 

“I don’t know if there’s a way to find any of that information, or if it ever existed.”

“I don’t mean we need to ransack a Jedi library, but we both experienced it, so we should talk it over first.”

“Ok.”

“And I mean talk, like out loud. I know it might be easier for you to show some things, or to not have to speak them, but I need my head to myself. At least for now.”

“I understand.” Ben looked into his bowl, as if he’d find the words he needed to say at the bottom of it. “Rey, I will answer anything you ask, I mean, about me. About what I did, or what I know, or who I was, or anything. I’m afraid of chasing you away, that you’ll be disgusted with me, but more than that I don’t want to go back to who I was. So I’ll face it, and take the consequences.”

“Ben, I was there for many of those things you did. Or I knew about them. But I felt you change. I can trust that. We’re both here, and I haven’t run away. I think we both feel that this is important. And I think we can build trust as we go. It helps to know that having my trust is important to you.” She reached out across the table and covered his hand with hers. After a moment, he grasped it, and he looked at her for a long time, his face intent and eyes bright. Rey gave a little smile, nervous but hopeful, and squeezed his hand back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea of Ben as a really good improvisational cook is just... unf.


	8. Chapter 8

Over the next few days, they fell into an increasingly comfortable routine. Ben did the cooking, Rey drove the speeder, they both worked on all kinds of machines and the ‘vaporators. One evening, as Rey was headed out to do some training, she found Ben and D-0 in the courtyard playing a game. They hadn’t seen her yet, so she stopped to watch. Ben was levitating objects for D-0 to examine -rocks, parts, spanners- D-0 would look at them, jabbering and circling them excitedly. Then, D-0 would take off and Ben would give chase with whatever it was; D-0 would loop back and then he’d be the one chasing. D-0 was obviously thrilled, and (she had watched for a second just to be sure of it) Ben was _giggling._

After a moment, Rey stepped forward so she came into view. D-0 zipped over and started chattering at her. “D-0! Ben! Go fast!” He circled her excitedly before zooming back to Ben’s side, eager to play some more. 

Ben looked up at Rey a little embarrassed, but smiling, and said to D-0, “let’s take a break, little guy.” 

D-0’s head drooped, and less happily, he replied “Ok ok, play later.” And rolled off.

“What were you two doing?” Rey grinned.

“I was just doing a little training, but D-0 had other ideas. That droid is funny.”

“He is, but he’s had a tough life. I’m glad he likes you.”

“Oh?”

“He belonged to a Sith assassin called Ochi. We found him on Pasaana.”

“I see.” Ben was no longer smiling.

“I think it’s good that he likes you though!” She paused, her thoughts going down another track. “I haven’t seen you train since you got here.”

“I’ve been avoiding it. I spent so many years training to maximize violence, stoking my rage. Snoke, or Palpatine, whoever… he was so loud then, blocking everything else out. But Luke would say there’s more to it than swinging a saber around, so…”

“Sometimes, I get so restless, eventually I just have to move. Training opens me up to the Force, helps me calm down.”

“So that’s what happened when I was meditating the other day,” he said, and Rey nodded. “We connected when we were both more open to the Force.” 

“We’ve both been avoiding something. I haven’t been meditating,” Rey admitted. Ben remained silent. “First, because I didn’t want to see you.” 

He nodded. “And now, the vision.” It wasn’t a question. She nodded in reply. “Look, you might not want to meditate, but I think I want to train. Are you up for it?”

“What happened to your saber, anyway?” 

“It’s a long story. It’s kind of the first thing Ben did in a long time.” Rey looked at him curiously. “After you left, on Kef Bir,” he began, skipping over what had happened before that, “I saw my father. He spoke to me.”

“But Han…”

“I know, he wasn’t strong with the Force, so he couldn’t have been a ghost. I think he was a memory, or maybe it was just me finally realizing what he’d died trying to tell me.” Rey looked down and nodded sadly. Ben felt the pain coming off her. She had loved his father, something he’d mocked her with in the past. She, in turn, felt his remorse for that. It was a new feeling, hearing each other like this, but strangely comforting for both of them. Ben marveled at it for a moment before continuing. “I threw it into the ocean. It’s gone.” 

“I’m glad.” They both smiled. “I’ll be right back.” Rey said suddenly, and disappeared back into the homestead while Ben waited, perplexed. She came back out with two staves and tossed one to him. She took a fighting stance. “Ready, Solo?”

“Wait, you do want to fight me?” Ben boggled.

“Not fight, train. Spar.” She aimed a playful strike to the side of his head, forcing him to stand ready.

“Are you sure? I mean, I just haven’t done this in a while, and I can’t be sure…” 

“I can.” And Rey moved to strike in earnest, an enormous grin on her face. Ben automatically blocked the blow, and the flurry that followed. Rey was not going easy on him. After a few minutes, he began to relax and instead of just parrying and retreating, started moving to attack. Rey was in better shape than him and had more experience with a staff. Ben was bigger, with a long reach and more physical power, but her strength in the Force negated some of that. They clashed and fell apart and clashed again. Ben managed to trip Rey once but she rolled onto her feet so quickly he shouldn’t have even bothered. Before he even knew what was happening, Rey jammed her staff under his arm, levered him up and over her back, and slammed him into the dirt. As he gasped for air, he felt the end of her staff resting ever so gently under his jaw. Their eyes locked as he laid there on the ground, both panting with exertion, Rey still standing over him. Each felt the other resonating in the Force; the very air around them was ringing with it.

“I yield.” Ben said, unnecessarily. Rey reached down to help him up, no hesitation this time. He dusted himself off and then squared his stance. “Go again?” Now they were both beaming.

***

Ben and Rey sparred until the suns were sinking low in the sky. It was clear that the exertion was good for both of them. Good for their bodies, good for their connection to the Force, and good for building trust. Ben could feel how much Rey liked knowing she could take him in a fight. He actually only bested her once, managing to duck under her arm and behind her with his staff at her throat. Caged between Ben’s body and his staff, Rey found herself gently but fully restrained. Ben waited silently, their breath heaving in unison, heat rising between them. Finally, he snapped her out of her trance with a low, breathy “well?” right in her ear.

“Yield,” Rey panted. “I yield.” She could feel his amusement but didn’t say anything as she put a few steps between them. 

“I think I’m ready for some food, what about you?” He tossed out to break the tension.

“Yeah, uh, yeah. What do we have?”

“I’ll see what I can come up with. Why don’t you hit the ‘fresher?”

Rey scoffed but grinned. “You’re the one that spent more time in the dirt.” 

“I’ll get some food started and grab a quick one when you’re done.”

“Ok,” Rey went to take the staff from Ben’s hand but instead of giving it over immediately, he held it for a long second, searching her face with a slightly questioning look. Rey’s gaze didn’t falter, and he quickly let her take the staff and retreat.


	9. Chapter 9

Alone with her thoughts behind the ‘fresher door, Rey’s mind was whirling. She knew what she was doing when she asked Ben to spar, remembering how natural it felt to be fighting alongside him when the Raiders attacked. She also had wanted to know where they stood -in their previous conflicts, they’d each bested the other at least once and they’d deadlocked in a straight-up, Force-assisted struggle for Anakin Skywalker’s saber- but after he’d defeated her in their last bout, she was at sea in a new and much more unsettling way. It suddenly hit her that Ben might not just think of her as a fellow Force user, an ally, or a sparring partner, he might also think of her the way a man thinks about a woman. Oh kriff, that’s what he was saying when he offered her his hand all those times?! He wasn’t still thinking of her like that, was he?

“Calm down, Rey,” she thought. “He hasn’t done anything weird.” She had promised him that she would figure things out with him, and well, running didn’t do any good, so she didn’t have much choice.

***  
In the kitchen, Ben cast around to see what kind of dinner he could come up with. He was actually pretty good at cooking on the fly. It’s not like he and Luke had ever traveled with a fully stocked pantry. He found some beans and some freeze-dried vegetables and tossed them into the spicy broth he had already thrown together. Then, he mixed up a little bread dough and left it to rise just as he heard Rey open the ‘fresher door. He waited a respectful few moments for her to make her way back to her room before turning down the heat on the stew and heading for his own shower.

Force, he thought, as he eased his tired muscles under the spray, she still didn’t pull any punches. He was going to be all kinds of sore as soon as he stopped moving, both because he was a little out of shape and from getting smacked around so badly. He truly had no idea how he’d won that single round, but the reward was worth it: Rey, panting in his embrace, seemingly not in a hurry to move away. _Stop it._ He thought firmly to himself. He was here to sort things out, not muck them up even worse. A bit to punish himself and a bit to clear his head, he turned the shower to cold as he rinsed his hair. Both invigorated and chastened, he dried off only to realize he didn’t have any clean clothes in the bathroom. Moving quickly so he didn’t impose his towel-draped body on her, he headed for his room. In his haste, he didn’t notice Rey watching him from the recesses of the storage area where she’d gone to see if she could find some clothes soap. Rey cringed back into the shadows and chastised herself “Who’s being weird now, huh?” and scurried off before he reappeared. 

Ben dressed quickly and hurried back to the kitchen. He stirred the stew to make sure it hadn’t burned and patted the dough out into a few small rounds. One by one, he slapped them down onto a hot griddle, flipping them over and then wrapping them in a towel to keep warm. He ladled out some stew and then called out to Rey “Food’s ready!” He looked out of the kitchen and into the courtyard, but didn’t see any sign of her. Strange. 

***  
Rey was stretched out on the garage roof, reaching up under the lip of the central hub and trying to free a frozen mechanism that was preventing it from retracting. Well, that’s what she would have said if anyone asked what she was doing, but in fact, Rey was hiding. Hiding and thinking, which was easier to do with something in her hands, and she’d already trained enough today. Why wouldn’t this stupid thing let loose?! She was wailing on it with her spanner when she heard a slightly humorous voice from behind her.

“You didn’t beat me bad enough so you had to take it out on some machine?” Ben. Of course it was kriffing Ben.

“What do you want, Ben?”

“To tell you that dinner is ready?” 

Rey sighed enormously. “Dinner, right.” 

“You don’t have to eat if you don’t want.”  
“I do, of course. I just…” Rey groaned in frustration and flopped onto her back. The light was almost gone, and she could see a sliver of moonlight floating to the south. “how did you find me?”

“Rey, your emotions are ringing like a bell. Want to talk about it?”

“No. Yes.” Ben looked at her expectantly, waiting for her to make up her mind. “Ok, yes.”

“What, then?” He sent her a glance, asking if he could sit. She nodded in agreement and he plopped down beside her. She sat up.

“What happened back there, when you won the bout? And in the throne room, after you killed Snoke, when you offered me your hand. What did you mean?” Rey speared him with her gaze, eyes full of challenge.

“Wow, um, ok. That’s not what I expected.” Ben fell silent for a moment and closed his eyes. Rey felt him trying to radiate serenity, but was it for him or for her? “Rey.” He paused again, pushing his hair back. “I’m not going to lie to you, I’m attracted to you.” Rey’s head whipped away from him.”But I am not going to do anything about it if you don’t want to, I mean obviously.” 

“Well good,” she huffed.

“Rey, I am pretty fucked up about love, and attraction, and lust, and sex, and all of it. I convinced myself that my parents didn’t love me, not really, and my confusion about that let Snoke work his way into my head. I’ve spent most of my life living as a monk, where attachment was either forbidden with the Jedi or impossible with the Sith. If you had taken my hand then, I would have had no idea what to do with it.” Rey felt herself bristle a bit, and she was sure Ben felt it too. Was she disappointed now? She wanted to scream at herself. “Did I upset you today, when we were sparring?”

“No, I mean, not really. I just never really thought about it until it hit me all at once.” She paused. “I never even knew the love of my parents. At least you had that.”

“I did. I just wish I knew it sooner.” 

“I’m not just going to fall into bed with you because we’re a Force-bonded dyad, you know.”

Ben’s eyes flew open at her directness. “I wouldn’t expect you to.” And because he had promised honesty, he added “Ren would have.” Rey crumpled her mouth up. 

“Well I’m glad he’s not here. For a lot of reasons.” 

“Me too. Ready for some dinner?” 

“Sure,” Rey replied, and together they went back down to the kitchen.

***

“This is good!” Rey exclaimed. “Spicy!” It felt good to talk things over and Rey's mood had improved almost immediately.

“Thanks,” Ben replied, smiling.

“And how did you make bread?! I didn’t know people could make bread!” 

Ben couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course people can make bread! Where else would it come from?” He was relieved that Rey was still speaking to him after their conversation on the garage roof. He was definitely going to be more cautious in the future. Remember! He told himself. No messing it up! He steadfastly put out of his mind that one kiss they’d shared, even though he was sure it was mutual. 

“I was thinking of going into Anchorhead to sell some water and get supplies. Do you want to come? You could pick out better food… things…” His eyes twinkled at “food things.”

“Of course I’ll come.” 

“Great. I want to leave early so we can miss the worst of the heat.” They discussed preparations for a while, then stored the leftover food and cleaned up. 

“I’d better get to bed,” said Ben, groaning. “I need to sleep off that beating you gave me if I’m going to be able to walk tomorrow.” 

“That’s what you get for skipping training.” Rey smirked.

“You’re probably right. Good night.” Ben smiled back.

“Good night, Ben.” She turned toward her room but paused. “Ben?” He turned around to look at her. Something in the space between them seemed to hum. “I’m glad you’re here.” 

“I’m glad too, good night.”


	10. Chapter 10

Early the next morning, by silent agreement, Ben made some food while Rey started packing supplies and loading up water. She’d rigged up a little trailer for the speeder so she could carry a big tank with her for trading. Then she packed up some emergency supplies, extra water for their own consumption, a medical kit, tools, fuel, and some blankets. The desert was completely unforgiving, even if you were caught out there by accident. She clipped her saber to her belt and brought the blaster to Ben.

“Let’s eat and get going. It’ll be light soon.” Said Rey.

Ben set the blaster on the table, putting out a kind of cakey thing with dried fruit in it. Rey looked at him for explanation. “Abasa cake. Easy to make and full of energy. Cleans up fast. You eat it with your hands.” He picked up a big slice in demonstration, then poured the caf. “Never skip the caf.”

Rey smiled back “Never.”

They ate fast and wrapped up the rest in Rey’s pack for later. They closed up the homestead and put on their robes, goggles and scarves. Rey climbed up on the speeder and Ben took his customary place on the back. 

“Sorry it’s not more comfortable. I didn’t plan on carrying any passengers.”

“Maybe we can trade for something bigger sometime. I’m fine here for now.” This mundane talk about the future felt good to both of them. Together, they took off into the lightening sky.

The trip to Anchorhead was uneventful. They sped over the salt flats, towing a cubic-meter tank of water, watching the sky turn orange and pink. Before the sun was unbearable, they had come to the outskirts of Anchorhead. Rey slowed and made the way toward the market. It was like a lot of other markets in the galaxy: loud and dusty with narrow lanes between the stalls and plenty of humans, aliens, and droids crowding them. Rey pulled up in front of a stall that she’d traded at before. A large blue-green colored alien was behind the counter, his three-fingered hands crossed over his large pot belly. Rey greeted him with a wave.

“Morning, Bardo!” 

“Rey Skywalker! What brings you to my shop today?” Bardo didn’t speak Basic, but Rey had grown up around so many different species and droids that she could understand just about anything.

“I was looking for some parts. Compressor coils, hydro tubing, modulator chips, that sort of thing.” 

“I’ve got some new salvage. Good stuff, fresh from all those wrecked First Order ships!” Rey felt some uneasiness from Ben, but started to haggle. Eventually they walked away with some things for the hydroponics bays, equipment at the homestead, and various ‘vaporator parts. “The sand just eats the impellers,” Rey said, “these will be useful.”

“What’s next?” Ben asked. 

“Do you want to look at some food shops? Better to trade early before they run out of what you like.”

“That sounds great.” Ben replied.

They parked the speeder and trailer off to the side with some other vehicles and pack animals. Rey filled up a few spare water cans for barter and locked the trailer and speeder up. “Can’t be too careful.” She said.

They joined the throng wandering between stalls. Where Rey would have been inconspicuous in her hooded robe, Ben stood head and shoulders above everyone else in the market. He was the kind of tall, well-fed stranger that drew looks from every passing child and shadow-lurker. Ben picked out dried beans and grains, spices and other flavorings, preserved meat, and some fresh fruit and vegetables to supplement their dried supplies. He passed a few tiny, sour berries over to Rey. 

“What are those?!” She exclaimed. 

“They’re balata berries. Very good for you. Do you like them?”

“I’m not sure I’ve ever eaten something so sour!”

“Good though?”

“I think they’ll take some getting used to. I’m not sure I’ve ever had berries before.”

“Well, there’s lots of different kinds, so we’ll figure out what you like. Maybe we can grow some of your favorites back at the homestead. Are you hungry?”

“Getting there. And it’s getting hot. We should find some place to get out of the sun for a while.”

“Good idea. This way.” Ben ducked into an alley between some buildings that seemed to form the informal boundary between the town and the market. 

“Where are we going?” Rey protested, shoving her way around a cart stopped in the alley.

“Following my nose.” Ben grinned. Soon they came to a small door at the bottom of a few steps, which opened into a room with a few wobbly tables, a counter, and a mostly-alien clientele. An attendant appeared almost immediately, plopped a jug of something cool and foamy on their table with some cups and croaked that he’d be back shortly with food. Ben poured for both of them and lifted his cup with a small grin.

“What is this place?” Asked Rey, somewhat boggled.

“I’m not really sure, but it smelled good. Try the drink.”

Rey sniffed the liquid in her cup and took a cautious sip. It was slightly sweet, cool, and refreshing. She drank more enthusiastically. “This is pretty good!” She agreed. Soon, plates of food started arriving. There was a big round of fried bread, sprinkled with salt and spices, a bowl of chopped meat and grains with small tangy seeds, and a plate of tiny fish cooked with leaves. 

“I think you’re supposed to eat the meat with the bread, and the fish whole.” Ben explained to Rey’s skeptical face. He popped a few into his mouth and chewed enthusiastically, then scooped up a little blob of the meat with a bit of bread. 

“If you say so,” Rey said. She tore off a chunk of bread and tried the meat and grain stuff. Not bad. She was more skeptical about the fish but they went down well with the drink. They ate happily for a few minutes, discussing what they should do with the rest of the day. They had worked their way down to the bottom of the jug and had found it alcoholic in addition to refreshing. Each could pick up a happy hum from the other’s emotions; what a great day they were having!

“I’d like to pick up some seeds so we can plant up the hydroponics,” Ben was saying when a big meaty fist landed in the middle of their table, scattering the mostly empty plates and overturning the cups.

“What do we have here, two strangers? Pretty far from home, big man.” Sneered the table-thumper, a kind of alien Rey wasn’t familiar with.

“We’ve got no quarrel with you,” Ben said calmly. 

“Well what if I’ve got a quarrel with you, eh?” The alien persisted. Ben slowly pushed out his chair and stood up, looking down on the aggressor from quite a height. He didn’t say anything. “What, you think I’m scared of you, big man? You bring your friends with you? I did.” A few more tough-looking aliens stepped forward from the edges of the room, snickering.

“You can leave, now, and let us finish our meal,” Rey interjected.

“Or maybe you can leave, and we’ll take those supplies off your hands.” 

“That’s quite alright, we’ll keep our things.” Rey replied. Just then, a few of the alien’s friends rushed Ben while the first one made for Rey. Ben had the blaster but didn’t want to use it in the crowded restaurant. He used the Force to throw one of the assailants into another but more fell upon him immediately. Dodging the first man, Rey fell back a few feet and drew her saber. The sound of the blade igniting in the small room brought the nascent brawl to an instant standstill. 

“Whoa, whoa, lady! You could hurt someone with that!” Suddenly the first alien didn’t want to fight.

“I’m not a lady,” Rey gritted out. “I’m Rey Skywalker. Tell your friends to unhand my “big man” and kindly leave.” 

“Ok, ok, whatever you say! Sorry to bother you, Rey Skywalker.” 

Rey extinguished the blade as the attempted robbers fled, shouting at their backs, “tell your friends!” She picked her chair up off the floor and sat down. “Are you ok?” Rey asked Ben.

“You’re still hungry?” Ben blurted back.

“Not really, but we should stay for a few minutes to make sure they know we’re not intimidated.”

“Good idea,” Ben agreed. “Do you get in many bar fights?” 

“No, but I grew up knowing what happens to those who show weakness. Those guys were amateurs.”

“All the same, I’d like to get a move on. They might decide to come back with more friends.”

“You’re probably right, but let’s pick up those seeds you wanted on the way out.” They ate a few more morsels, just for the look of it, and then picked up their things to leave. Rey left a can of water in payment.

“Sorry about that,” Ben apologized, once they’d made it out into the alley.

“Don’t be, that was kind of fun.” Rey grinned at him, enjoying their private joke.

“That was kind of dark, Rey Skywalker,” he replied, grinning back.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little long but I felt like it all needs to be together.

With the seeds purchased, they made sure their traveling cans were full before selling most of the rest of the water to a dealer for credits. The old speeder was miraculously unmolested and they leapt aboard pretty quickly, glad to be leaving even though the afternoon was still baking. 

They got out of Anchorhead easily enough and were zipping along the salt flats toward the homestead when they heard an ominous bang from the speeder, followed quickly by a thick trail of black smoke. Ben barely had time to take a better hold of the back of the seat before the whole speeder lurched to the side and started scraping hopelessly along the ground. Rey had the presence of mind to steer them as close to a rocky outcropping as she could. Working together, they were able to push the stricken speeder into the shade, at least. Sweating and frustrated, they flopped down into the sand to drink a little water and assess their situation.

“I think one of the inverter manifolds must have blown.” Rey grumbled. “I knew this thing was a piece of junk.”

“Do you think we can fix it?” Ben asked. He was a decent mechanic, but she knew the speeder better.

“Maybe. We’re about a day’s walk from either the homestead or Anchorhead, of course.” She added.

“Ok, you stay with the speeder, I’m going to have a look around those rocks.” Ben replied. 

“Here, take this,” Rey said, handing him her saber. 

“Are you sure?” Ben asked, his voice concerned. 

“Yeah, trade you for the blaster. You’re more likely to come up on someone at close range, anyway.” 

Ben hesitated for a moment before taking the saber. He swiftly activated it, testing it for balance and grip before extinguishing it and securing it to his belt. “Thanks,” he said.

“I’ll see what I can do with the speeder.” Rey said as Ben turned to go.

Rey and Ben took turns working on the speeder and keeping an eye on the horizon. They were making some progress, thanks to some of the parts they’d bought, but were hampered by the small toolkit she’d packed. It had the basics, but not many specialized tools that would make the job go faster. The suns were sinking below the horizon and the air was noticeably cooling when Rey stood up, wiping her hands. 

“Let’s give it a try,” she sighed. Miraculously, the speeder coughed to life for a moment but barely made it off the ground before dying again. “Kriff.” She swore, too exhausted to really put her heart into it. “What now?”

“I think we should make camp for the night. I can get a fire going and cook something up.”

“With what?” Rey asked, irritable with exhaustion and frustration.

“There’s a cave up there with some firewood. It looks like it’s been abandoned for a long time.”

Together, they moved the speeder out of view and covered it up with a tarp as best they could. It took a few trips to get the emergency supplies, most of their water, and some of the more valuable things they’d bought up to the cave. “Just in case,” Rey said, ominously. 

***

The cave was actually pretty pleasant, for a cave. High up and facing west, the rocks retained some of the heat of the afternoon. There was a little ledge in front of the opening that had clearly been used for a fire in the past. It wasn’t much bigger than the cockpit of the Falcon, but since it didn’t rain on Tatooine, they didn’t need to worry about keeping water out. When Rey stumbled up with the last load, Ben appeared at the mouth of the cave with an armful of wood. He arranged it carefully, then gave a little wiggle of his fingers and it burst into flame.

“That was convenient,” Rey smiled, relieved that something had finally gone right.

Ben shrugged but looked a little sad. “Luke and I used to do this stuff a lot. I hated it, at the time.” 

“Yeah?” Rey said, encouraging him to elaborate.

“We’d be camped on some mountainside or in a jungle or outside a moldy old temple, him looking for Force knows what, me just bored and waiting for him. Half the time we never even found it. I wanted to train, to do all the flashy stuff. I couldn’t see it at the time, but I guess he was trying to teach me patience, and that gratification is almost never instant.” He paused. “I just wish he had said something like ‘If you’re bored, work harder, or shift your focus, do something else. Don’t just let your impatience boil over into anger.’” 

“Luke was not exactly the easiest person to deal with.” Rey sympathized.

“That’s an understatement.” Ben laughed a little bitter laugh. “But he barely knew what he was doing. He told me he regretted it. On Crait.” They both stared into the flames for a long minute before Ben sighed and changed the subject. “So what do you want to eat? We’ve got some choices…”

They settled on roasting some of the preserved meat on sticks and blistering a few hard vegetables on the coals of the fire. “I know it’s a little basic, but…” Ben hedged, sprinkling a little salt on everything before handing Rey a portion.

“Ben, I have never eaten so well in my life. Everything is good when you grew up on carbohydrate powder, protein paste, and vitamin salts.”

“You wouldn’t believe some of the awful things I’ve eaten.”

“Like what, slime?”

“Give me a nice bowl of slime any day. When I was a kid I had to go to all these fancy banquets with my mom, where the food was more of a show than a meal. Little pearls of something that would release a scented vapor when you bit them, an enormous mountain of what looked like custard, but was so fluffy that it dissolved into almost nothing in your mouth, all the shimmering sauces and sculpted spreads and gilded meats.” He gave a look of disgust.

“That does sound horrible.” A pause. “It’s been a long day. Why don’t you get some rest?” They only had a few blankets, nothing even as comfortable as a bedroll, but Ben took the biggest one and spread it on the ground at the back of the narrow cave, throwing another around his shoulders. 

“I should probably meditate. Do you want to join?” He asked, almost sheepishly. “I mean, you helped me with training, so I thought I’d offer…”

Rey hesitated for a moment, and then shrugged “Why not?”

***  
Ben settled down on the blanket against one wall of the cave and motioned for Rey to do the same. She wrapped herself in another blanket much like Ben had and sat opposite him. “I haven’t ever really done this before, I mean with another person.” She hedged.

“Just start by clearing your mind. We’ll take it easy.” Ben murmured. 

Rey settled herself a little more comfortably and closed her eyes. She was acutely aware of Ben’s presence, and having a hard time relaxing. Every time she loosened her control a little bit, more of him was there.

_“Just relax for a second, Rey. I’m not going to push in on you.”_

_“This time…”_ she thought, a little defensively.

 _“This time.”_ Ben agreed. 

_“This is just harder than I expected. It’s just hard to trust, after all you did.”_

_“I knew it was wrong. Snoke, the dark side, they told me that everything was mine if I could take it.”_

_“What’s different now?”_

“ _I don’t want to be a slave to my own darkness anymore. I want to make choices. I always thought it was too late too go back, after what I had done. Now I know that it is -I can’t apologize to my parents or Luke, I can’t undo what I did- but I can go forward by trying to make things right with you.”_ Ben felt Rey relax a little bit. Across the cave, she took a deep breath and released it in a sigh. Neither one of them said anything for a while, just feeling the resonance in the Force between them. 

After a while, Rey said _“This is… kind of nice.”_

“Mmm.” Ben rumbled wordlessly. “We practiced connecting to other students all the time in the temple, but this is different. Easier in a way, but more honest.”

“ _Shhh. No more talking.”_ They lapsed into a silence that was more comfortable than they had previously shared. Soon, Rey could feel his urgency to pour his heart out, to dig into all their shared bad history, but she smoothed his worries down across their link.

_“Ben, I know you want to confess everything; to shout it out and be forgiven. But this can’t be only about you.”_

_“I know… I’m just afraid. Afraid you’ll change your mind. And fear always leads to the dark side.”_

_“What? Fear is a human emotion. Everyone is afraid.”_

She felt Ben hesitate for a moment. _“Fear is why Anakin fell. Fear that his wife would leave him.”_

 _“And you’re worried that will happen to you, that you’ll be consumed again regardless of the choices we make.”_ She felt his acknowledgment. _“I’m afraid too Ben. Of course I am. Can we just… talk about it when we’re afraid?”_ Now she felt Ben’s shock on the other end of the bond.

_“Nobody has ever suggested that to me. Thousands of years of Jedi, who knows how many Force users…”_

_“When I ran away, on Exegol, I was afraid, too. But I’m making a different choice now.”_

“ _Someday, when you’re ready, I hope I get to show you how happy I am right now.”_

 _“Maybe someday… we’re building trust every day.”_ And he was buoyed even higher by the smile in her voice. They lapsed back into silence, feeling the sense of calm and purpose wash between them. After a while, Rey slowly opened her eyes to find Ben watching her. “Hey,” she said, scratchily.

“Hi,” he replied, his voice also thick and sleepy. “Long day.”

“Yeah, I guess I’ll see you in the morning.” 

“Ok,” Ben got up to throw a few pieces of wood on their little fire; Rey, already wrapped in her blanket, laid down and closed her eyes. She felt him hesitating.

“Come on, lie down. We’re both exhausted.” When he still didn’t move, she mumbled. “Suit yourself…” and rolled over. After a moment, she heard him set her saber by her head and the blaster next to it, and wrapped in his own blanket, settle down beside her. In no time at all, they were both asleep.

***  
When Rey woke up the next morning, the sky was barely lightening and the air was frosty. Something scratchy was irritating her cheek. She went to brush it away and realized it was Ben’s awful beard. Oh. They were nestled side-by-side, each swaddled in their own blanket, faces pressed close for warmth. Ben was rapidly coming to consciousness, his eyes widening with worry.

“Morning. It’s cold.” Rey observed, a little sleepily. 

“I didn’t mean…” Ben blurted, rearing back a bit.

“Ben, it’s ok. It’s cold.” 

“I just didn’t want…” His fear was clanging loudly down their bond.

“Do you remember what we talked about yesterday?”  
“Yeah. Oh. I should talk to you. Right.” Ben took a deep breath and settled himself. “I’m worried that I’m invading your space, your privacy, and I don’t want to upset you.”

“I’m not upset. And I don’t want you constantly walking on eggshells around me. If I want some space, I’ll scoot over. Trust me?”

“Of course! Rey, I am in awe of you. In what you’ve done, and done for me, and that you haven’t run screaming every day since I turned up on your doorstep.”

“You’re not going to be alone, no matter how much you think you deserve it. The Force wills it so we may as well not fight all the time.”

“Thank you. I’ll work on being more confident. On trusting you more.” 

“Good. Now budge up, it’s still freezing and I can’t face it yet.” Rey scooted closer to Ben’s warmth and closed her eyes again. Ever so slowly, she felt some of the tension drain out of him and a kind of calm descend on their connection. After a moment, his arm emerged wrapped in a swath of blanket and wrapped around her, bringing her and her blanket into the cocoon of his own warmth. She heard a sigh escape him, and then a low laugh.

“What’s so awful about my beard?” 

“Ben!” Rey scolded, but she was smiling.

“It’s a perfectly good beard.” 

“If you say so. It’s your face.” Ben laughed again, and they both dozed for a while until the suns came up to take the desert chill out of the air.


	12. Chapter 12

The next few days were busy, putting to use all of the things they’d gotten in Anchorhead. They did some repairs on the 'vaporators that they couldn’t do before without the right parts. Rey also worked on hooking up a spare tank in the back of the storage area to complement the underground cistern.

“It will be good to have some excess capacity. If the cistern is full, the ‘vaporators stop working.”

They also dug into the speeder to make sure their repair was solid. 

“I’m not feeling good about this,” muttered Rey. “It’ll run, but I think we’re overtaxing it with the water trailer and a passenger. It’s not a big speeder.”

“Then it’s settled, we’ll pick up something bigger in Anchorhead next time.” Ben replied.

“We’re coming up in the world of remote moisture famers on even remoter back-rim desert planets.” Rey made out like was joking, but Ben gave her a look. Her words had a bit of an edge to them, but he wasn’t sure why.

About a week later, Ben and Rey were both up at their usual early hour, drinking caf and discussing the day ahead. They’d fallen into a comfortable routine of fixing things, training, and meditating. Well, Ben meditated, Rey was still avoiding it.

“I’m going to take a run around the ‘vaporator field and check on things, but I think I’m starting to make some headway. Want to come?”

“Sure, and after the sun goes off the courtyard I want to work on the hydroponics.” 

“Sounds like a plan.”

Only a few of the ‘vaporators weren’t working; maybe Rey’s maintenance regime was starting to have some effect. It only took about an hour for them to finish up and get back to the homestead.

At lunchtime, Ben made a root vegetable soup and they sat down with it for lunch at the table. After a few bites, Rey set down her spoon and looked at Ben.

“So I’ve been thinking,” Rey opened.

“Oh?” Ben queried.

“That we should get you a lightsaber.” 

Ben didn’t look as eager as she expected. “I don’t know, Rey.”

“That’s not the reaction I was expecting.” 

“I know, but it just seems like a big step.’  
“A big step?! Ben you’re one of the last two Jedi-trained Force-users in the galaxy. Of course you should have a lightsaber.”

“I just don’t know. You’ve told me that Luke thought the Jedi should die, and I think he might have been right.”

“What do you mean he might have been right? You’re just going to walk away from everything?”

“No, not everything, but a lightsaber? I threw my saber away. I’m done.”

“And a few days later you had no trouble taking one off of my hands when you needed it. I couldn’t have done what I did without you, and you never would have gotten to that throne room without that saber.”

“Force, Rey, you think something like that is going to happen again? The Sith are gone. Destroyed. If we keep fooling around like we’re Jedi, we’ll just encourage the Sith to rise again. You heard Snoke.”

“I’m not playing at being a Jedi. I have no idea how to be a Jedi. But I have to be what I am. Weren’t you the one who was so keen on exploring this “Force thing” we have going on? Now I’m the one pushing you to figure every little thing out, even just to talk to me when you’re feeling a little embarrassed, and suddenly you’re done with the Force? I don’t believe this…” Rey pushed back from the table and stood up, fuming. Ben followed her.

“Let’s talk about the last few times I had a saber in my hands. On Kef Bir, when we fought over Force even knows what anymore, and I had you beat but wanted nothing more than to talk to you, and then my mother died and you stabbed me through the lung. Or how about on Exegol, where you pointed out that I was happy to take a lightsaber from you, and then I got thrown in a pit where I couldn’t help you, and you had to channel a thousand generations of Jedi by yourself and you died. You died Rey.”

“You do not get to tell me that I set you free last week and then object to how I did it today. I am not going to congratulate you for not killing me the fifth time you tried it, or however many times you tried to kill me.”

Ben growled with frustration. “I never tried to kill you, I just wanted you to listen! And I brought you back to life! Even though I was sure it was going to kill me. I was happy it was going to kill me. I was ready to pass into the force, finally free of the agony of the dark side, redeemed in the light. But here I am, arguing with you over who killed who worse and why! Force, you are so confusing.”

“Death is not redemption, Ben! You don’t get to have a lovely, generous death and wipe away everything that happened between us. I felt you turn. I always knew you would, but all the stuff before still happened. How am I the one that’s confusing?!”

“Let’s see, you won’t even sit across the table from me, and then we’re having a grand old time blasting Raiders. You ask me to spar, but then I get a little bit too close and you’re jumping down my throat about not getting into bed with me. You’re calling me “my big man” to some thick-fisted tough guy in a bar but you won’t even relax enough to meditate together _and then_ you turn right around and ask me to snuggle with you! What in the entire galaxy am I supposed to think, Rey?!”

They both fell silent, chests heaving, feelings snapping down their bond with the intensity of the argument. Their eyes were wild and flashing. After a moment, Ben scubbed his face and then spoke.

“Something is wrong here. We’re both mad and we’re pushing each other darker and darker. It’s a bad feedback loop.” Rey nodded mutely. “We can’t keep going like this, half in and half out.”

“What are you talking about?” Rey muttered.

Ben closed the distance between them. “You’re right. I can’t run from the Force. I’ll build the lightsaber.” And then he crushed her to his body and kissed her.


	13. Chapter 13

Rey’s initial reaction was shock, but her body was way ahead of her brain. She fisted her hands in Ben’s tunic, pulling him closer; one of his hands moved up to tangle in her hair and cradle her head. Unlike their previous, triumphant kiss, this was freighted with passion, throwing their bodies together and headed everywhere, fast. Rey’s previous experience with kissing was limited to that single time on Exegol, but she let the hot rush of pleasure guide her. Ben groaned and gripped her ass to pull her closer as her tongue sought entrance to his mouth. His tongue was there in an instant, tangling with hers, pushing all thoughts out of their minds as they grappled with one another. The Force that had surrounded them, dark and brooding as they argued, was now streaked with light as it sang with both joy and passion. The room started to shake.

Surprising himself, Ben was the one to pull back. Almost immediately, the shaking stopped. Rey made a little disappointed sound as his mouth left hers and he moved his hands to her hips. Chest heaving, he brought his forehead to hers. “Whoa, Rey. Slow down.” 

She nodded, gulping air. “That was… intense. What just happened?”

“I have an idea, which is why I’m going to step back right now.” She nodded, and Ben let his hands drop and he put a few paces between them; he had to fight the urge to throw himself right back at her. “Physicality seems to strengthen the bond, or activate it. Something like that. I don’t think it needs it, but think of all the times it’s been strongest: mostly it’s been fighting.”

“That wasn’t fighting.”

“I think it was the argument. I saw what was happening but I underestimated the power of it. Like an overloaded blaster will explode the first time you pull the trigger.”

“So what do you want to do about it?” Rey challenged.

“Well, I think we’ve figured out some of the big pieces. Sparring, meditating, and, uh…”

“That.” Rey supplied. “You want to do that? Again, I mean.”

He nodded, a little chagrined. “That was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. In a good way!” He added, hastily. “Um, do you?”

“I don’t know what I want. That was wonderful. Even if I denied I think you’d know I was lying. But I want to feel like I have a choice. I accept that the Force has linked us, but, well, you know what I said before.”

Ben nodded. “We have to be more careful about our balance. We were way too dark when I, uh, kissed you, and I don’t want any regrets. Not just with the, uh,” he waved his hand between them to indicate their recent exploits “but everything else, too. No sparring mad, stuff like that.”

“That sounds reasonable. Look, I’m going to go lie down or meditate or something. That was a lot.”

“Ok,” Ben said, watching her go. As he looked back to the table, he saw their entire meal in ruins. One bowl was overturned and the other had smashed on the floor, neither one of them noticing whether they’d done it during the argument or when they were kissing. Sighing, he took the shattered remains of the bowl and dumped it in the disposer chute, then found a rag to clean up. 

If he was honest with himself, which he was trying to make into a habit, he did not regret kissing Rey at all. But he didn’t want her to have regrets, so stopping was the only thing to do. He’d told her that he was attracted to her, but that was a total misrepresentation. As Kylo Ren, he’d been obsessed with her since their first meeting. He remembered studying her, waiting for her to wake up _-way to be creepy,_ he thought to himself. He was already so helpless before her that he was jumping to obey her command to take his mask off when he was supposed to be interrogating her. The power that had rolled off her when he attempted to invade her mind only intoxicated him more. And she’d seen right through him from that first day, too. These last few weeks had been a kind of torture for him, albeit one he thought he deserved. No, he couldn’t agree with her wait and see attitude toward their romance. If the Force wanted him to fall in love with this glorious creature, he wasn’t going to fight it, though he would respect it. It was probably already too late for him, anyway.

***

Rey needed to put some distance between herself and Ben, to cool off and just think for a minute. Her room felt too close to him, so she went all the way to the other end of the house and toward the garage. Crossing the catwalk over some of the old vehicles and equipment, she spotted the damaged skyhopper and leapt nimbly down to the floor. She had to force the ramp down, but inside was quiet and private. She thought idly about fixing up some of this stuff: she could use the cargo speeder that was designed for hauling water, but who knows if it would ever run again. And what was she even doing here? Without realizing it, she’d recreated her life on Jakku: alone, surrounded only by machines, waiting for… what? Sure, Finn sent her holomessages, and she responded, but there was less and less to tell him each time. ‘Vaporator 22 was clogged again. Big news. 

She closed her eyes and replayed the argument between herself and Ben. For all their anger, their apparent confusion at the other’s motives, neither one of them wanted to hop in the Falcon and leave. That was something she hadn’t thought about before. For all her surprise at his arrival, her previous attempts at keeping him out, she actually liked having him around. And not just his cooking, or his handy upper body strength, or his usefulness with a blaster. Him. Ben had made it clear that she was more to him than just a pleasant dinner companion; what was holding her back? The answer bubbled up immediately: fear. Fear of a life that she could barely have imagined from back inside that AT-AT on Jakku. Fear of being close to someone. Fear of love. Before today, she would have said that it was just fear of the unknown, but after that argument and that kiss, her fears were anything but generic.

Rey mediated for a while on the subject of fear and what it meant to her right now. What she should do. Had fear been part of what had fueled their mutual plunge toward darkness? It seemed likely. When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to find it had gotten dark. How long had she been inside her own thoughts? Shaking her head to clear it, she left the skyhoppper, jumped back up onto the catwalk (the Force was sometimes useful) and went in search of Ben.

***  
She found him at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of caf despite the hour and staring distractedly out into the courtyard. He had been there for hours, first thinking of all the things he could be doing: meditating (he wanted to give Rey some privacy), training (it seemed ridiculous, given the impetus for their argument), making dinner (his heart just wasn’t in it). The caf was barely a consolation. 

He felt her approach before he saw her, quiet though her footsteps had been. A small, petty part of him wanted to pretend he didn’t notice her but he pushed it down. He watched her come to the door, eyes on him.

“Hey,” she said, softly. She felt his mental walls up, high and strong as hers ever were.

“Hey,” he replied, just as gently.

“Can I sit?” She asked.

“Yeah, sure. Want some caf?”

“Please.” He went for another mug and poured for her. “Thanks,” she said, burying her face in her cup.

“Rey,” he said, still quiet, “can we do this? I am in so far over my head, here, but I want to try.”

“Try?” Rey asked.

“Being together. Trying something new. Making our own way. I meant it: half in and half out isn’t working. If you’re out, I’ll go, but…” he stopped. “I know that trust isn’t given all at once. Can you give me a chance?”

“I’m so afraid, Ben. Afraid of being with you. Afraid that I won’t be enough light to keep you from the dark. Afraid of losing you.”

“We’ll do it together, Rey. It’s not only your responsibility, or even mostly yours. I will try every kriffing day, I promise you that.”

“I don’t want to be afraid. I pretended I wasn’t, but… it made me so angry, that fear. And you’re right, this halfway-life isn’t working.” 

Ben smiled, then, a small, hopeful smile, and extended his hand to her across the table. Rey looked right past his hand and into his eyes, stood up, and came around the table. Standing close to his body, she put her arms around his shoulders, hugging him gently. Slowly, his arm came up to hold her around her waist. After a moment, she felt some of his defenses melt away as he relaxed into her embrace. They stayed like that for a while, listening to the comforting feelings coming down their bond in waves, until Rey spoke. 

“Come on,” she said, “it’s late.” He nodded, not wanting to let go. “Do you want to snuggle?” This time, his smile was radiant.

They each did their personal nighttime things, meeting by silent agreement in Ben’s room. He had thrown both of the sleeping pads out of the bunks and onto the floor and was in the process of spreading out a blanket. Both laughed a little bit when they saw that they were wearing basically the same thing: shorts and a tunic.

“I’ve been sleeping in my clothes, mostly, but that felt kind of weird.” Ben explained. Rey just smiled at him. 

“It’s been a long day,” she said, yawning. 

“Come on, then,” Ben slid under the blankets and held his arms out. Rey tentatively joined him, warming quickly to the comfort of his embrace. Ben waved his hand and the lights went out. Rey snuggled her head down into Ben’s shoulder. As they slipped together down into sleep, Ben pressed his face to the top of her head in sort of a kiss, and sort of an embrace, and mostly deep gratitude.


	14. Chapter 14

Rey awoke as the dawn was lightening, aware of a deep thrumming sensation pulsing along the bond from Ben. She luxuriated in the feeling, both body and mind relaxed and resonant. Slowly, she came to the realization that something was different. Ben wasn’t wearing a shirt. She looked at him, sending the question down the bond.

“I got hot.” He smirked without a trace of shame.

“Did you?” She couldn’t help smiling back. She reached out to stroke his bare skin and he swallowed a gasp. She looked up at him with trust and a little excitement. Moving as one, they brought their lips together in a kiss that was no less heated than the day before. They were instantly on fire, throwing themselves into each other. Rey clung to Ben, her body molding to his. She felt something hot and hard pressing against her hip; she knew instantly what it was and kriff she wanted it. Slowly, tortuously, his hand slipped under her shirt and up her ribs, sliding around her back to clutch her closer as he ground his arousal against her. 

“Rey,” he groaned into her neck, trailing his lips down, and down some more.  
“Yes,” she moaned. He was rolling her to her back, pushing her shirt up and off. Her skin sang, needing to be pressed to his.

“I want…” he groaned, moving one hand up her side again, teasing the underside of her breast with his thumb. 

“Yes,” she repeated voice growing more desperate under his lips.

“I need to know…” She writhed under him, groaning, her tongue thick with lust, no longer able to form words. “Where’d you get the crystal for your lightsaber?”

***

“Ben!” She shouted in shock, shoving him a little. His eyes glimmering with mischief, he gave a roll of his hips, torturing them both before flopping onto his back beside her. “You scrogging nerf herder!” Rey snapped, but her face was playful. “That was not fair at all.”

“Wasn’t it though?” He purred, rolling to look at her with his head propped on his hand, the other teasing her breast ever so gently.

“In or out, Ben,” she warned him, her voice aiming for stern but missing it by a parsec.

“Oh I’m in,” he grinned, “I’m just taking my time.” He moved his hand up to her face. She groaned with frustrated lust. “But I feel like having some fun, so let’s build a saber.”

“You,” she groused, “are a bad man.”

“Never said I wasn’t.” More shameless smirking. “Ilum was where most of the Jedi got their crystals, before Starkiller. Not an option, at this point. Where’d yours come from?”

“Dantooine. Chewie and I had a job out there. We were moving some med tech for a regional government, getting paid in credits. Probably a boring job for you,” she smiled. “Anyway, we had to wait a few days for them to sort out the paperwork and I went exploring. There’s a lot of ruins there. Some of it was Jedi and some of it was… not. Under some rubble at one of the Jedi sites, I found a kind of egg thing. I felt I should crack it open, and when I did, there it was.”

“So it’s a Dantari crystal. No wonder the beam is gold. Dantari crystals used to be really popular before they started getting them from Ilum. Sometimes they end up in kinrath eggs.”

“What’s a kinrath?”

“Big spider thing.” 

“Yikes.”

“They’re mostly harmless. Especially if you’ve got a lightsaber,” he grinned.  
“So are you up for it? You want to go to Dantooine?”

“The more I think about it, the better it sounds, having a decent lightsaber again. By the time I was done with the last one, it was in terrible shape, really.”

“What was wrong with that thing? It didn’t look right.”

“I was trying to make it more powerful, more dangerous. I cracked the crystal and managed to keep it going, but it was never a balanced weapon after that. That’s why it spluttered so much. I had to tear it down and rebuild it all the time.”

“Where’d you find that crystal, anyway?” 

“I got it from Luke.”

“When you were his student.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah.” They both felt a moment’s sadness at the mention of their former Master. “I’m sorry,” Ben added, eventually. “I know you probably can’t forgive me.”

“Forgiveness, between us, isn’t going to be a thing that happens once and is over. It has to keep happening. I am forgiving you now. It might be easier or harder sometimes, but we’ll just have to keep doing it.”

“What do I need to forgive you?” Ben wondered aloud, moving to take her back into his arms.

“Let’s see, not listening, stabbing you through the lung, being confusing. I was listening, you know.” 

“Yeah but I kind of needed stabbing. You did the right thing.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

Rey shuddered in his embrace. “It was awful. As soon as I did it I was filled with regret. Worse than regret. I felt the Force howl in pain, and then, just grief.”

“I felt it too.” He said, quietly. “But you saved me.”

“And you saved me.” She whispered back. 

“Shhh,” he soothed, and kissed away any protest. 

“Mmmm,” she moaned, then cracked a grin under his lips. “This isn’t how we get to Dantooine.”

“Are you sure? We could try it and find out.” 

“Come on! You’re the one who wanted to talk lightsabers.” Rey groused with mock offense, sitting up. She spied his shirt behind his pillow and tossed it at him. “We can be out of here today if we get moving.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is longer but it seems to hang together

Rey set about closing up the homestead for their absence. “We should try to keep Raiders out, at least. Most of this stuff isn’t going to be any worse off in another 40 years than it is now. We’ll take the food, though. That we can use.”

Ben, now fully invested in his lightsaber project, was digging through the garage for parts he thought he could use. As they paused for a meal before departing, he couldn’t help talking shop. “I found something decent I can use for the grip, but the emitter’s going to be a problem. I can probably hack one together out of blaster parts, but it has to be from something good or it’s going to fry itself.”

“Luckily for you, you know someone who’s skilled at extracting delicate parts from abandoned Imperial tech. The emitters from blaster cannons aren’t actually that big but they’re really tough.”

“That’s an excellent idea. I feel better about it already. The power modulator has to come out of something beefy enough to take the load, but I’m not too worried about it. We’ll have to find a power source, though…”

“Rancor prod.” Rey replied, without hesitation. “The power cell is small enough to be handheld but needs enough power to penetrate a rancor’s hide.”

“Perfect. Do you have one?” 

“No, but we will need to fuel up the Falcon before we go anywhere as far as Dantooine. That means Mos Eisley. You can get anything there.”

“You sure? Luke told me it was a pretty rough place. Even Master Kenobi avoided it.” Ben hedged.

“Is there another spaceport on Tatooine that can refuel the Falcon? And we will only be there a few hours. Fuel the ship, find the parts, blastoff.” That settled, they finished packing their few things and closing up the homestead. Rey was loading the speeder and hooking up the water trailer.

“What are we bringing that for?” Ben indicated the trailer with a jerk of his head.

“We need to fill up the tanks on the Falcon and I’m going to give the rest of it to our neighbor. No sense in wasting it.”

“Ah kriff, I should have taken a ‘fresher before we left. The shower in the Falcon is so small!”

“It’s not a problem for me,” Rey said smugly, before leaping onto the speeder. “Don’t keep me waiting!” She teased.

Ben leaped into his customary spot behind her, got a good grip on the seat, then leaned down to croon in her ear “I’m enjoying keeping you waiting.” Without warning, Rey jammed the accelerator and they shot off into the desert.

***

It only took about half a standard hour to get to the homestead where Rey was keeping the Falcon. 

“We need to stop in and see the old lady first. Give her the water and let her know we’re taking the ship.”

“It’s not her ship, why does she need to know…” Ben was uncharacteristically edgy.

“You’re just embarrassed.”

“I am not.”

“Ok, Ben Skywalker.”

“Ok, Rey Skywalker.”

Their banter was interrupted by the arrival of said old lady, leaning on her stick as she came out of the entrance dome to her home. 

“Rey Skywalker! And your husband this time, too! He left you out here too long!” She shook her stick at Ben.

“Ma’am, we’re not…” Ben began, but both Rey and the old lady ignored him.

“I can take care of myself; I’m tougher than I look.” Rey grinned.

“Yes, but it gets lonely,” she frankly leered. “I should know, my husband has been gone so many years.” She made eyes at Ben.

“Ma’am,” Ben tried again.

“Thank you for taking care of our ship. We brought you some water since we’re going to be away for a while.”

“You are so kind! Such a lovely couple!” She said to nobody in particular. Ben had given up by now.

“We’re just going to fill up our tanks and then the rest is yours.” 

“Yes, yes, go take care of your ship. Leave your speeder in there if you want, I don’t need the space.”

“Thank you, ma’am!” Rey called cheerfully as they headed for the Falcon.

They quickly filled the Falcon with the water and supplies and started warming her up. They both knew the pre-flight checks inside and out, and took care of them like a seasoned team. Within an hour of leaving the Lars homestead, Ben was seated in the pilot’s seat and Rey the copilot’s and they were blasting off toward Mos Eisley. Ben hadn’t considered an escape that lucky in quite some time. 

“Why were you so uncomfortable?” Rey asked him.

“Like I said, I’m still pretty confused about some things. And we’ve been in a romantic relationship for about a day. I’m not sure I’m ready to share it, yet.” 

“That’s… sweet. And fair. I shouldn’t have teased you.”

“I suppose I shouldn’t be too upset, you were essentially declaring your love for me by not denying it.” Rey pulled a face. “Who’s going too far too fast now?” He laughed. “Hold on.” Ben pushed the throttles forward as Rey saw the steep sides of a canyon approaching ahead. “Here we go!” He shouted with joy as the sides rushed up to meet them. Like most Force-users, Ben was an uncanny pilot, and flying the Falcon, the ship he’d known since he was a boy, he was almost supernatural. He negotiated a series of tight squeezes, blind corners, and unexpected boulders with ease while working every control and switch without needing to look or even think about it. When he finally hit the elevators and popped them up to a more reasonable altitude of about a thousand meters, Mos Eisley was slumped ominously on the horizon. “The old girl’s still got it,” he grinned, Rey smiling back at him. It was nice to see him relaxed and smiling, enjoying something innocent and free.

“I could have told you that,” she mock-scolded.

“Yeah, but it’s more fun to find these things out for yourself.” He grinned. Could the man turn anything into an innuendo? Rey was starting to wonder.

She busied herself making contact with the port authorities. “Single berth, refueling only.” She paused to listen. “No, no repairs needed, just refueling. And I do not need an enclosed docking facility. Just a single open berth.” She clicked off the comm and muttered “so pushy,” to herself and then in a more normal tone to Ben,“Dock 86.”

He nodded and brought the Falcon down in a slow and graceful curve, alighting with barely a jolt. They quickly shut everything down and headed for the ramp. A leering voice greeted them before the ramp had even fully deployed. 

“That’s a pretty banged-up ship for just one girl to take care of, _pateesa_. You’re gonna need a full overhaul if you want too make it off planet. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of you…” The Toydarian fell silent in shock as he saw Ben standing at the top of the ramp.

“Fuel her up, _pateesa_ , and I want the price in credits, not in trade.” He swept past the little floating sleazeball and turned toward Rey as she made her way down the ramp. The Toydarian boggled when he spied the lightsaber on her hip as she was putting the ramp back up and locking it with her palm-print.

“Ready?” Ben queried and Rey nodded.

“Wait!” The Toydarian called. “We need a name for the docking registry!”

“Since when is Mos Eisley spaceport overly concerned with paperwork?” Rey scoffed. “We’ve got the credits…”

“Skywalker.” Ben interrupted. “Rey and Ben Skywalker. Don’t forget it.”

***  
With a warm kind of feeling overlaying Rey’s irritation, they made their way out of the dock and through the spaceport, Rey pulling on her robe to hide her saber. Mos Eisley was bigger, seedier, and more anonymous than Anchorhead, but Rey was concerned about their appearance. She pulled her hood up and as she looked around, she saw Ben do the same.

“Maybe you’d better let me get the parts and you can stay with the Falcon. I don’t want a repeat of last time.”

“I’m not sending you out into Mos Eisley alone to do my errands, Rey.” Ben groused.

“Ben, you have no idea how conspicuous you are. Have you ever had to blend in in your life?”

“No, but…”

“Remember Anchorhead?” Rey prompted.

“Yes, but that turned out fine! Nobody even got hurt!”

“Ben, nobody’s going to bargain with you and they’re going to try to give us the worst stuff for the most credits. If you want a weapon that blows up in your hands the first time you try to use it…”

“Credits are the last thing on my mind. My mother almost single-handedly financed the Resistance and her accounts passed to me with barely a dent in them. And we’re not getting separated. I mean it.”

“Ok, but hang back and I’ll do the talking. Give me the credit chip.” Ben passed it over without protest.

“Deal.” Ben replied, and he waited for Rey to get a few steps ahead of him before following her. 

She was right, he could easily see over most of the heads in the crowd. He gave a little tug on their bond to let her know he was there even if he didn’t have eyes on her all the time. She quickly crossed a busy road and made her way into the marketplace. It was even hotter, smellier, and more crowded than in Anchorhead, with creatures of all species jostling droids and animals in the narrow alleys. Rey passed a few parts traders before stopping to look critically into one stall. She was a skillful haggler, not letting on how much she was willing to pay or how interested she was in a particular part. In the end, they came away with a power modulator from some old laser mining equipment and a stack of small, disc-shaped power cells from miniaturized weather droids. She also didn’t mind picking up some fuses and other assorted parts for the Falcon. Though the Toydarian was patronizing and trying to swindle her, he was right that the ship had seen better days. Ben dutifully hung back and didn’t interrupt. 

“I want to pick up a few more things before we lift off,” Ben mentioned on their way back. Of course he was talking about food. He loaded up a big mesh sack with fresh fruits and vegetables, none of which Rey could identify, and some bread things. “I don’t know half of them, either, but fruit is usually good,” he shrugged. Within an hour, they were headed back to the spaceport, miraculously free of complications.

The Toydarian was flitting nervously near the entrance to Dock 86 when they arrived. “Back so soon? Please remember us whenever you’re passing through Mos Eisley…” Ben cut him off by putting his hand out for the datapad the dock master was clutching nervously. 

He eyed the figure. “Nice try,” he said, handing the datapad back. The Toydarian laughed anxiously before tapping out an adjustment and passing it back again. “Better.” Ben replied, activating his credit chip and giving the pad back for him to accept the transaction.

“This says the credit chip belongs to Princess Leia Organa and Ben Solo...” The dock master hedged.

“And?”

“You said you were Skywalkers, and she’s no Princess Leia.”

“Princess Leia was _my mother_ , who since you seem to know so well, you’ll recall had a brother named _Luke Skywalker_ and was married to _Han Solo_.” 

“Of… of course.” The Toydarian seemed pretty rattled by this point. “Pleasant journey!” He was clearly eager to see the exhaust ports on the Millennium Falcon.

Ben smirked at Rey as she unlocked the loading ramp and followed him in.

“So who doesn’t know anything about bargaining, hmm?” He taunted smugly. Rey just rolled her eyes and hit the button to close up the ramp.

As soon as they lifted off, the Toydarian sent a discreet message to one of his contacts.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here comes the smut.

Ben piloted the Falcon into a temporary orbit while Rey made the hyperspace calculations.

“It’s only two jumps to Dantooine, but they’re both long ones. Estimate 14 hours to the first point, then 26 hours to destination.”

“Belay that. We still need to get our hands on an emitter and I want to have everything ready to go when we get the crystal. What’s the best place to find one without taking too many risks?”

“Take your pick of any of the battle sites of the last few wars. Yavin, Scarif, Jakku, Endor…”

“What would be your choice?”

“Well, I know Jakku best, but…” she let a little of her concern leak across the bond.

“You’re not thrilled about going back.” Ben finished for her. “Scarif would be difficult. The Imperial Navy defended the data repository there with ships and ground facilities, but the atmosphere was seriously damaged by the Death Star. Yavin is heavily populated and is probably picked pretty clean.” That left Endor and Jakku, both places heavy with emotional weight.

“As much as I dislike it, Jakku really is the best choice. Some of the star destroyers in the southern hemisphere are almost completely untouched, and we could find what we need easily. It’s just a long way from Dantooine.”

“What have we got but time?” Ben grinned at her.

“I suppose we’re not in a particular hurry,” Rey smiled back at him and recalculated their route to Jakku.

***

Hyperspace travel was both boring and disorienting. There was no sense of time, no way to align yourself to a sun or even the stars out the viewports. Their bodies were still on Tatooine time, so as far as they were concerned, evening was approaching. Ben made some food -a kind of creamy soup with crunchy meat things sprinkled on top- in the little galley and they sat down with it in the lounge. They ate for a few moments, talking about nothing in particular. 

When they were almost done, Rey asked, “that was good, what is it?”

“I don’t want to talk about food, Rey.” Ben said with heat in his voice.

Rey looked up, more than aware of his meaning. Her pulse was already quickening. “You love food. This must be serious.”

Ben’s hand reached out and came to Rey’s cheek, drawing his finger down, achingly light. “I have been dying for you for a day…” his hand stroked down, sweeping to the back of her neck. “For a month…” He leaned closer, grazing her nose with his own. “For a year…” and slowly, so tenderly, he brought his lips to hers, luxuriating in a slow, deep kiss. “I will wait if I have to, but I’m dying.”

Rey felt the swirl of the Force around them, dark with passion but bright with other things: trust, joy, devotion. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him back, unable to deny him. “That long?” She whispered.

“From the very first,” he mumbled into her neck, trailing kisses as he did. She pulled him to her, desperate to feel his body against hers. She ran her hands through his hair as he covered her in kisses, moving ever downward. 

“Oh, Ben,” she groaned. “I want you. So much.” His weight was intoxicating, pushing her into the seat, his hands were everywhere, her breath was coming fast. Suddenly he stopped, pushed her to arm’s length, and looked her full in the face. “Not again!” She howled.

“Oh no. I’m not going to run off this time. But I’m not taking you on the dejarik table the first time we make love.” Rey pouted, but allowed herself to be pulled up. She surreptitiously tried to admire the bulge in his pants. He caught her looking and grinned. “Come with me.”

Ben led her around to the captain’s quarters, the only private space in the whole ship. Not that there was anyone to interrupt them, but Ben wanted to do it properly. And it had the largest bed. Not huge, more like a bunk and a half, but more than adequate for their purposes. The room had been cleaned up and the bed made with clean sheets and blankets.

“When did you have time to do this?” Rey asked, incredulously.

“You don’t have to stand in front of a stove for an hour to make soup,” Ben teased. “I did it while you were in the crawlspace checking on the repairs.”

“The compressors have been dodgy for a long time and if you’d asked me I’d have helped you…”

“I don’t want to talk about compressors, either.” He said, prowling toward her. 

“I’m just nervous,” she said.

“I know.” His voice was so soft, barely a whisper. He held out his hand. “I’ve held out my hand to you so many times. I ordered you take it. I told you that you would, when I could see you were scared. And with good reason. If you hadn’t refused then, we wouldn’t be here now, wouldn’t have this. So I’ll ask you again, a different man, with different intentions: will you join me?”

Rey’s voice was just as quiet, just as reverent as she reached out to him. “Yes. I have always wanted to say yes.” 

After that, there was no stopping them. Ben pulled her to him, meeting her with a crushing kiss. Rey threw her arms around his neck and he clutched her shoulders, each clinging to the other with all their strength. Ben set about freeing Rey’s hair while she raked his scalp with her short nails. He wanted to howl. As Ben started working his way down with kisses again, Rey struck out for new territory and started on his belt. In an instant, Ben backed away and threw his shirt over his head, sending it sailing into a corner, and was back with her almost before he left, his lips and hands everywhere at once. Rey was tugging at her arm bands and toeing off her boots, desperate to get her clothes off but not wanting to break contact with Ben. He sensed this, drawing his hands under her wrap and sliding it up and off, trailing fire on his palms all the way. She pulled at the end of her breast band to free it and Ben took the job up eagerly, flinging it away to join his shirt. His boots followed hers under the bed.

They kissed again, but Ben deliberately slowed their pace, cooled the burn to make it last. Looking into Ben’s eyes, Rey gave a little mischievous nod and started working his leggings downward. He did the same to hers. That brief, funny moment when new lovers have to free themselves from that last clinging garment without falling over ensued, but they could both giggle about it. Finally, each reached for the other, hot skin pressing along their lengths, bond singing with resonant joy. All at once, Rey felt the silky skin of his back under her palms, his callused hands maddening her as they swept up her ribs, the hot, hard length of his erection pressing between them. And she could feel the Force in a way she never had: reverence balancing lust, joy balancing possession, gentleness balancing desperation. Ben backed Rey up against the edge of the bunk; he pressed her gently backward and she let him, falling gently together onto the sheets.

“You’re making it hard to take this slow,” Ben growled in her ear, reaching down between her legs to draw slow, slippery circles over her flesh. Her legs fell open for his hand.

She cried out at the sensations he was causing in her. “Please, Ben, now.”

He didn’t need to be asked twice. Carefully, tortuously, he slid his cock over her folds, painting them both with her slick heat. He gritted his teeth as Rey choked out “kriff, Ben…” and bucked under him. Before he completely lost the power of restraint, he positioned himself just at her opening, pausing to take a deep breath and kiss her closed eyes. Slowly, slowly, he pushed forward, then pulled back, setting up a gentle rhythm, thrusting a little deeper each time. Before long, Rey was meeting his thrusts with slow rolls of her hips, moaning. When they were finally fully joined, they stopped for a moment, overwhelmed by the rightness of it. They breathed heavily in unison, love and joy and desire reverberating through their bodies and their bond, but Rey felt a twinge of concern from Ben.

Rey felt his hesitation and brought her hand to his face. “It’s ok, I’m ok. Don’t worry, my love, it’s ok,” she soothed. 

Her tenderness was more than he could bear; his hips started moving again without him telling them to. Faster and faster they surged in unison, each other’s cries filling their ears and driving them on. Rey felt the tension that had been coiling in her body reach a peak and then start to unspool all at once, uncontrollably dropping her into ecstasy. She cried out his name and thrashed and clawed at his back. Unable to hold on, Ben followed her into climax, biting off a shout as he emptied himself into her body. Both lay unmoving, sweaty and trembling, unable to hear anything over their own heartbeats and the sound of each other’s emotions.

After a period of time that neither one of them could accurately describe, Ben rolled off onto his side and gathered Rey next to his body. He kissed her hair and asked against it “are you ok?”

“I’m perfect. This is perfect,” she sighed into his shoulder, snuggling closer. “What?” She asked, feeling his concern.

“Well,” he hedged, “I was just worried that you were hurt or didn’t like it or something.” 

“Be quiet for a minute and listen.” She closed her eyes, putting her hand tenderly on his cheek. As soon as he stopped to listen, he felt the contentedness coursing down the bond from her. “I know you felt it too, don’t doubt yourself.”

“I did, I’ve just wanted this for so long, and you mean so much to me. I haven’t lost control like that before, I mean, since…” Rey reached up and touched his cheek.

“Stop thinking you have nothing to offer me. Some part of me, a part I didn’t understand, has loved you for a long time. And not just since you turned away from the dark. That’s why I never gave up on you. That’s why I came to you on the Supremacy. That’s why I healed you.” He nodded mutely, and she continued. “Before I felt you arrive on Exegol, I was losing. You gave me the strength to fight my own darkness. And when you appeared next to me before the throne, I knew we belonged together. I’m sorry it got messed up from there. I’m sorry I feared and doubted.”

“I could never blame you. Never. I made so many mistakes for so long. I can’t believe I’m allowed to have this. To be with you. I love you so much.” He hugged her to himself more tightly.

“I know I said I wanted to talk about things, but I think it’s causing more confusion. This, our dyad, was created by the Force, and like you said, that can’t be put into words.” She smiled up at him and dropped the last of her mental shields. Ben’s eyes widened as he felt her side of the bond fully open to him for the first time. Then, after she gave a tiny nod, he took a deep breath and let his defenses fall, too. There was a sense of things being right, a sense of completion that they both realized they had been chasing since the first time they’d seen each other.

“Stars, I was stupid.” Ben said, eventually. 

“If you were, I was too. I knew that you didn’t come to fight me on Kef Bir; I was afraid of myself, what I saw, and I lashed out. I could have lost you.”

“And I was still trying to force you into my arms. But we made it, somehow. Luck, the Force, whatever you call it, we’re here together. And I’ll never do anything to risk it, now that I know what I almost lost.” They fell asleep like that, bodies entwined, hearts open to the fullness of their bond, drinking each other in.


	17. Chapter 17

A few hours later, Ben heard the chime from the cockpit that indicated they were approaching the second jump point. He gently tucked Rey in and ran to the controls to make the adjustments. When he came back to bed, Rey stirred and mumbled “where’d you go?”

“We hit the jump point and I made the adjustment. This is the long leg, about 16 hours. Then another 3 to Jakku.”

“You’re freezing! Don’t tell me you went to the cockpit naked!” 

“Then I won’t tell you. Just warm me up, “he crooned. Rey couldn’t even give a token protest as she held out her arms to him, drawing him close to her body, his head resting on her shoulder. Their relative sizes should have made it awkward, but it wasn’t, just sweet. They made love again, more slowly, eyes locked together as they brought each other home in the timeless blur of hyperspace. 

Waking up a few hours later, Ben decided to take a quick ‘fresher before making some food. The facilities in the Falcon were basic in the extreme. There was barely room to turn around, but he was used to it from a lifetime ago. He called for Rey to have her turn while he cooked something for them to eat. As he was putting yellow-green scrambled eggs and sautéed vegetables onto their plates, he felt as much as heard Rey appear in the door to the galley.

“Morning,” he said, turning to smile at her. He was dressed comfortably for space travel in a dark gray sweater, deep blue pants, and his usual boots.

“Ben! You didn’t!” Rey gasped, bringing her hands to his cheeks.

“I did,” he smirked. “I knew you didn’t like the beard but I didn’t realize how much. Suddenly, I didn’t like it very much, either.”

Rey stretched up to him in an experimental kiss. “Mmmm,” she said. “Much nicer.”

“Well now I definitely hate the beard.”

Rey kissed him again, more lingeringly. “I could get used to this.” She purred.

“Mmm, me too. But let’s have breakfast first. We have to keep our strength up.”

They went to eat in the lounge again, Ben carrying the plates and Rey the cups and caf. They sat close, not wanting to be separated by even a table. Ben’s cooking, as usual, was excellent, and they both ate with relish.

“I know you’re not too worried about it, but you should know we’re not going to be parents any time soon.” Rey eventually said.

“Well you weren’t worried, so I wasn’t worried,” Ben replied. “I could go either way, as long as we’re in it together.”

Rey couldn’t help but smile. “It was actually your mother who had me get the implant, about a year ago. She said ‘war makes strange bedfellows.’” She paused. “Do you think she knew? About the bond?” 

“She knew,” Ben confirmed, nodding. “She picked her moment, when she felt that you were close and I was faltering.”

“And then I stabbed you through the lung.”

“Stop blaming yourself for that. It worked. And you healed me so no harm done. The opposite of harm, really.”

“It just felt so horrible and I was filled with so much darkness. Part of me is still surprised I didn’t fall, right there.” Rey shuddered and Ben hugged her close.

“Well now we have each other. We can do it together.” Rey nodded, snuggling in further to his side. He continued, “I’ve been thinking about it. I think we can find a third way, neither Jedi nor Sith.”

“What?”

“I lived so long thinking that once I went over to the dark side, I could never go back, but we both know that’s not the whole story. You’re not my opposite; you’re my complement. One of us doesn’t have to be light and the other dark. That’s why we fought so much; we weren’t in harmony with the Force’s intentions for us. But we can stick to the middle together. Keep the balance.”

“Are you sure? I’ve never heard or read anything like that in any of the texts.” Rey scowled with a bit of skepticism.

“In thousands of years, there’s never been a dyad like us. The Force is trying something new, and so should we.” Ben said with conviction. “We’ve already been doing it. The Jedi would say to deny your strongest emotions, to turn away from them, or fight them. The Sith tell you to wallow in them, use them to amplify your rage and power. But we decided to talk about our feelings. To decide together how to deal with them. That’s the third path."

“I never thought of it like that.”

“I’m not sure we have a choice. Jedi can’t have relationships like ours, and I’m not giving you up.”

“And I’m not letting what we have push us over into darkness.” Rey sighed. “It makes sense.”

“I never told you about my vision. When I was meditating and you touched my hand.”

“Why?”

“I was afraid, of course. Afraid of how you’d react. Afraid you’d run again, or make me leave.” Rey nodded slowly.

“And you want to tell me now,” she said.

“Can I show you? It was really beautiful.” Rey nodded and Ben closed his eyes, focusing on what he’d seen. After a moment, it swam into view: Ben entering the Jedi temple, which fell to pieces before him, the dust clearing, and himself and Rey emerging from the wreckage, standing between light and dark, laughing with happiness.

Rey let Ben’s vision wash over her, sighing as she saw it. “That looks nice,” she said, warmth in her voice.

“Will you try with me?” He asked, softly.

“Yes, Ben, of course. I’m not letting you go either.” They sat contentedly together, finishing their caf, eyes on the future they could build together.

***

By the time they got to Jakku, their bodies felt like it was evening again. “What do you think? We could pick some wreckage that’s on the daytime side of the planet and grab what we’re looking for. Or I could make some dinner and we could catch some sleep and try in the morning.” Ben mused.

“Hmm, I wanted to have a look at the hyperdrive while it’s offline. And we’re not guaranteed to find what we want on the first try, anyway. Let’s go tomorrow.”

“Ok, I’ll make pancakes for dinner.”

“Pancakes?” 

“It was my dad’s specialty. Most people eat them for breakfast, but he wasn’t really a morning person.” He let the bond open as he spoke, feeling Rey gently probing the shape of his emotions. It felt good to be able to talk about Han in a normal way, with someone who understood his complex feelings of love and remorse for his father.

She eased her own feelings back to Ben: comfort, yes, but she let him feel her sadness too. Her words, though were practical, bringing him back to the present. “Let me know when you’re ready. I’ll be down below, looking at those compressors.” 

“Do you want a hand? I don’t think the compressors have ever worked right in my life,” Ben replied. 

“They’ve been worse since Poe Dameron tried light speed skipping a few months ago and the whole ship caught on fire.”

“What?!” 

“That’s what I said,” Rey rubbed her forehead in frustration. “I know I should replace them and rewire the whole panel but I haven’t gotten around to it.”

“It’s not exactly easy to find parts for a YT of this vintage on Tatooine.” Rey gave him a look. “No criticism intended, it’s just a really old ship and I don’t think anyone has really babied it since Lando.”

“No, you’re right,” she sighed. “Give me half an hour?’ He nodded and headed for the galley.

At the appointed time, Ben was piling plates with round, flat confections soaked in a sweet syrup and sliced fruit. “Dinner’s ready!” He called down to Rey.

“These are good! And Han taught you how to make them?” Rey managed not to talk with her mouth full, but only just.

“Yeah, he’d get home from a run at some strange hour and would cook up some pancakes and we’d talk. They’re a comforting food for me.”

“All food is comforting for you, Ben.” Rey smiled.

“True, but these are especially good. I thought I’d make something nice before we go down to the surface. Since you’re feeling nervous.”

“You’re right, I am. I’m so different than when I left here; it’s hard to take it all in. I was a scavenger, powerless, without any say in my life or even enough food to eat. Now I have a ship and can go where I want, and you cooking for me” -she couldn’t suppress a smile- “and I’m arguably one of the most powerful people in the galaxy. It’s a big change.”

“I’m sure I’ll be feeling the same things sometime. We’ve both been through a lot.”

“It’s funny that we ended up as more regular kind of people.” Rey, said, quietly.

“If you call being two of the strongest Force-users to ever live, bonded in an almost-unheard-of dyad, on a quest to find a living, Force-sensitive crystal so we can make a laser sword and thereby start our journey to rewriting everything we know about the Jedi and the Sith ‘normal.’”

“When you put it like that…” she sighed. “All I ever wanted was to know my family, to be with them. Now that I do know, I don’t know what to dream about anymore. Family was always something in the past, for me. Something I saw looking backward. What is in front of me?”

“But you do want to be with me? Sometimes I’m afraid this is all a dream.” He asked, softly.

“You know I do, I’m just overwhelmed.” 

Ben nodded. “You know I never saw myself with a partner. And my family was just… there were a lot of big personalities doing their big important things and not much time for me. I do want to be a more regular person, like you said.”

Rey smiled at him. “And what do regular people who are in love do?” 

Ben grinned wolfishly back, “I think we’ll have to figure that one out, too.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here comes trouble...

The next morning, they had a quick breakfast in the lounge with a projection of Jakku displayed in front of them. Ben was back in his Jedi clothing, the better to endure the desert heat. They settled on a few likely sites, their first choice being a particularly dense area that was just coming into daylight with three wrecked ships within a few hundred kilometers of each other. 

While Rey found their desert gear, Ben brought the Falcon out of orbit and settled it neatly in the enormous bell-shaped thrust nozzle of one of a destroyer’s engines. 

“Can’t hurt to have some cover,” he explained, gathering his robe and goggles up from Rey.

“What do you know about scavenging wrecks?” Rey asked him.

“Not much,” Ben replied, honestly.

“Ok, stay close but not too close. We don’t want to get separated but we don’t want to fall down the same hole. Test any hand or footholds before you put your weight on them. Don’t assume everything is dead. Some of this stuff can hold a plasma or electrical charge for a long time.”

Rey grabbed the toolkit she’d put together from what they had available on the Falcon. It wasn’t as specialized as what she’d left behind in her AT-AT, but it would do. She clipped her lightsaber to her belt, shouldered her staff, and secured her blaster pistol in its holster. Ben took the blaster rifle they’d brought from Tatooine and some food. They both carried plenty of water.

“We’ve got a climb ahead of us,” Ben observed. “Too bad we couldn’t set down on the deck but the angle is too steep.”

“A couple hours, at least.” Rey agreed. “But going back down will be faster,” she grinned at Ben’s quizzical look.

They closed up the Falcon and Ben motioned for Rey to lead the way. They walked into the thrust chamber for quite a while, which was a surreal feeling for Ben. “This isn’t something I ever expected to be doing,” he eventually commented.

“People actually walked around in these things all the time for maintenance. Not while they were functional of course, but as we get up past the exhaust manifold there are access doors to the interior of the ship.” Rey supplied.

Once they were able to access the interior, things got more difficult. When they had to go by the ship’s original corridors, everything was on its side and they had to scramble over bulkheads that had been part of walls and climb vertically up hallways that used to be horizontal. 

“We want to be further to the fore so we can get out a hatch onto the exterior decking.” Rey mused.

“Can we find a service conduit? We want to get away from the command areas and more to the working part of the ship.” 

They were eventually able to access the shaft of a formerly-horizontal lift and once they were about mid-ships, Rey judged that they could find a maintenance hatch somewhere near the hangar bays. Within a few minutes’ walking, they found a turbolaser cannon that had been half-buried by blowing sand. 

“This looks good,” Rey stated. “You keep a lookout and I’ll start taking this thing apart.”

It didn’t take too much time to move enough sand to reach the access cover and remove it. Getting to the emitter was harder: it was deep inside the guts of the cannon and she had to make sure all the energy in the power cells and capacitors was discharged. This required essentially hot-wiring the thing and bridging a bunch of connections to see if anything happened. When she was satisfied, she started pulling it apart. She stuffed some of the circuitry in her bag in case it came in useful later and finally, after about an hour of prying and tinkering, she was holding the emitter in the palm of her hand and looking triumphant. 

Ben pried his eyes off the horizon and looked at her prize excitedly. “Oh this is going to be perfect.” He enthused, and gave her a quick hug and a kiss. “Let’s get out of here before we roast.” He made for the maintenance hatch again.

“Not that way,” Rey called after him. “Follow me.” She picked up the flat access cover from the turbolaser and started walking to the port side of the cruiser where the sand met the deck. “You have to sit on the back first, then I’ll get on in front of you.” 

“What are you talking about?” Ben puzzled.

“The fast way down,” she grinned. Ben looked skeptical but did what she said, sitting toward the back of the rectangular access cover. Rey then clambered aboard, sitting between his knees and shouting “now push with your hands, hard!” Ben did as commanded and the cover started to slide down the steep bank of sand, picking up speed as they went. Ben clutched her around the wast as she grinned gleefully, but instead of riding all the way down, she leaned hard to the left and he could feel her exerting her will on the Force to bring them to a curving stop beside one of the massive thrust nozzles.

“ _I think we have company,_ ” she said to him across the bond.

“ _You’re right,_ ” he replied, concentrating. “ _At least four beings._ ”

“ _Kriff._ ” Rey cursed, silently. 

“ _How do you want to do this?_ ” Ben asked.

“ _It would be nice to know why they’re here,_ ” Rey replied.

“ _Should we just…ask?_ ” Ben ventured. 

“ _It’s either that or start shooting_.”

They agreed that Rey would go out first, alone, to see what they wanted because she looked less threatening. Ben would follow a minute later or immediately if he heard anything suspicious over the bond, which they left open enough that he could hear everything. Giving Ben a quick kiss, she started up a tail of windblown sand that formed a ramp up into the thrust nozzle where the Falcon was parked.

“That’s definitely the Millennium Falcon,” was all Ben needed to hear to start running up the ramp and by the time he heard “and that’s Rey Skywalker,” he was cresting the lip of the engine nozzle at full speed, blaster ready, as three of the beings took aim at Rey. Seeing no reason to conceal her identity, she drew her saber and ignited it.

“What do you want?” Rey shouted at them. 

“Just him,” one, presumably the leader, shouted back. “Got a big bounty on him.”

“What are you talking about?” Rey blustered. 

“That’s Kylo Ren, also known as Ben Solo. Resistance has a price on his head.” 

Rey’s blood ran cold, and she could feel Ben bracing for a fight. “Kylo Ren is dead. I killed him.”

“Tell that to those resistance types. We’re just here for the credits. Now is he coming quietly, or do we have to come get him?”

“ _They probably want me for trial so they won’t just blast us,_ ” Ben said.

“ _Well we’re not finding out,_ ” Rey growled back. “ _We’re getting out of here, together and in one piece_.”

“ _We need a plan,_ ” Ben said, just as blaster fire erupted. “Never mind,” he added aloud, hitting the ground.

Rey was deflecting blaster bolts back at the bounty hunters as Ben laid down fire in their direction. He managed to hit one as Rey winged another with a rebound and both went down. Losing patience, Ben used the Force to simply pick up the third being and drop him on the ground. He lay motionless, but moaning. With more urgency than self preservation, the last bounty hunter ran down the ramp of the Falcon, which he had presumably been ransacking. Rey used the Force to smash his loosely-held blaster into his face and he went down like a felled tree on the Falcon’s ramp.

Rey wanted to question the bounty hunters but Ben was adamant. “We know enough; let’s just get out of here.”


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got a busy week coming up so idk how much writing i'll be able to do. If I can carve out some time, I'll have more to update.

Back on the Falcon, they kicked the careless bounty hunter off the end of the ramp and took off as fast as they could. 

“How did they find us?” Rey wondered, as they jumped to hyperspace as soon as they hit the edge of the atmosphere. 

“That nosy Toydarian back on Tatooine.” Ben sighed, scrubbing his hand over his face. “I should have been more careful but I couldn’t resist boasting about you.”

“Someone must have clocked our approach,” Rey mused. “That means there’s more than one group looking for us.”

“We’re on a direct course for Dantooine. Do you want to change that?” Ben asked Rey.

“No, the more jump points we have to transit, the more chances we have to get spotted.”

“Agreed. We get the crystal, build the saber, then we can form a position of strength to negotiate from.”

“We can just run; it’s a big galaxy.” Rey said, quietly.

“No, I don’t want that for you. I was foolish to ignore the possibility that there would be any consequences for the former Supreme Leader of the First Order.”

“You don’t get the only say, Ben. I don’t want you to rot in prison, or worse.”

“So we negotiate.”

“With what?!” Rey was trying not to panic.

“The future of the Force. The chance to move past the Jedi and the Sith and into a balance.”

“Is anyone going to buy that?” Rey asked. “We don’t even know if we can promise that.”

“Any smart leader isn’t going to ignore the chance to avoid future galactic wars. As the light rises, the dark does the same to meet it. We’re the living proof of that. And there are millions of Force-sensitive beings out there with more born all the time. Someday, one of them is going to stumble on some ruins or old books and the same story is going to replay itself. We can offer a chance to move past the Jedi/Sith conflicts that have torn the galaxy apart for thousands of years.”

“We can’t just come in waving our hands around and making big promises. There aren’t many Force-sensitive people in the Resistance, at least that I know about. Your mother talked about the Force, but not even everyone believed her, and she was as big a deal as you could get in the Resistance.”

“Then we need to get serious. We need to build this saber so we can train to the fullest of our abilities, we need to meditate, and we need to explore some of the powers of the bond. I know that we can’t force the kind of proof we need, but we should try.” Ben paused, putting the controls on auto and taking off his headset. “Rey, come here,” he said more quietly, holding out his arms. Rey took off her headset as well and crossed over to where Ben was still sitting in the pilot’s seat. He pulled her into his lap. “I can feel how scared you are. I am too. But I’m not giving up on us.” He hugged her fiercely. “If we have to run, we’ll run. But we can be more; I can offer you more than life as a fugitive.” 

Her body so close to his, their emotions so close to the surface, Rey couldn’t help but see Ben’s dreams for them. It was so vivid that it almost seemed real: a school, with students they were training in their new ways of the Force. A little house, surrounded by green, the two of them standing in a kitchen that was bigger than the closet they had to put up with now, Ben cooking for them. 

“ _That’s nice,_ ” Rey breathed. “ _I like children, and you like food.”_

 _“I like children, too._ ” He added, silently. “ _Maybe someday…”_

 _“Maybe someday._ ” She agreed. 

“But we need to settle this first.” He said aloud. “Do you want something to eat?” He asked in a more normal tone. “It’s a long way to the next jump.” 

“Sure,” Rey said, standing to let him up. “Let me know when it’s ready.” And with a kiss, he was off to the galley.

***

Rey could hardly stand being cooped up in a ship while her emotions were roiling like this. She should be sweeping the Falcon for trackers, even though she was reasonably sure there weren’t any. Instead, she found herself in the number two hold and decided there was enough open space to do some training. She started with her staff, as usual, and moved on to the lightsaber, trying to get tired enough to shut off some of her worry. She could feel Ben somewhere off in a corner of her mind, concerned but not commenting. It was actually helpful to know that someone was listening, that he was worried for her just as she was worried for him. Having an ally in all this made it seem less hopeless; she could focus on things other than her own feelings and more on solutions. By the time she got out the training droid to shoot some tiny zaps for her to block, she was feeling more in control. When she was done, she took off the blast helmet and shook out her hair. She knew Ben was close but didn’t expect that he’d be standing in the door, watching her.

“I thought you were going to call me when food was ready.” She asked.

“I was, but I was enjoying watching you. I’m actually excited to build this lightsaber and do some real sparring.”

“You can use mine, if you want.” Rey offered, moving to embrace him.

“No, it doesn’t seem right.” Ben snugged their lower bodies together, but kept his hold loose so that Rey could look up at his face. “I want to make a new start. To build something with my hands and declare, even just to you, that I’m not Kylo Ren anymore.”

“It feels strange to even hear that name because I know he’s gone, but other people aren’t going to understand that.”

Ben nodded. “It’s even strange for me. After you left, on Kef Bir, I tried to deny it, that I was changed. But as soon as I sensed where you were going, what you planned to do, I knew I couldn’t wallow in my self-pity anymore. I had to be where you were facing danger.”

“I wish anyone besides my evil grandfather and thousands of Sith cultists had seen what you did on Exegol.”

“That would have been convenient, I’ll admit.”

“Then again, it was incredibly hot when you cut down that last Praetorian Guard in the throne room and came to stand next to me. It’s nice to have that picture to myself.”

“Yeah?” He smiled. “You weren’t worried?”

“Not about you. Kylo Ren and Ben Solo were always distinct, to me. Your fighting style was even different when we were working together or against each other. Seeing your face, seeing how you moved, I knew that you were Ben Solo and that you were there to help.”  
“The mask helped with that. With being him. That’s why I had it remade and started wearing it again. Did I tell you I went to Exegol before?”

“No,” Rey replied, puzzled as to where he was going.

“Palpatine told me that he was every voice that had ever been in my head. Those voices were relentless: violent, tempting, belittling. But as we became closer, there were times when they were blunted, when I felt like Ben again. But I was afraid, and tried to hold on tighter to Ren. I know that what we have to do is going to be difficult, but I just can’t wait to start. To fully be myself again.”

Rey put her hand to his cheek, overwhelmed with affection for this destroyed and repaired man. He bent his head to her and kissed her tenderly, raising in their bodies the slow fire that was becoming familiar, though no less welcome. As their embrace deepened, Rey moved her hands up under his shirt, desperate to feel his skin on hers. Ben chuckled and pulled back a bit.

“What?” Rey queried. Her eyes widened as Ben involuntarily shared an image with her: him bending her over one of the crates scattered around the cargo hold and driving her to madness from behind. “Oh, yes,” she moaned, but he didn’t move to complete the fantasy.

“There will be plenty of time later, my love. But let’s go eat,” he said, gently. “And then I’ll work on the saber. I want to have it all together for when we find the crystal.” 

“How are you so good at frustrating me?” She complained, only a little teasingly.

“It’s my destiny,” he smirked, but his smile drooped as he saw she wasn’t smiling back. “And we do need to get to work so we can get through this. But I promise you can have your way with me in the cargo hold or on the dejarik table or wherever you want once we get this sorted out.”

“You’re right, we can’t keep dropping everything and dropping our pants.” Rey smiled as his cheeks colored. 

“You’re making this awfully hard,” he scolded.

“I sincerely hope so,” she grinned, wickedly.

Ben grinned back at her, truly regretting his previous admonition that they get to work, then put his arm around her shoulders and led her back to the lounge.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I offer you this longer chapter in apology for the longer wait. :*

Rey could hardly stand being cooped up in a ship while her emotions were roiling like this. She should be sweeping the Falcon for trackers, even though she was reasonably sure there weren’t any. Instead, she found herself in the number two hold and decided there was enough open space to do some training. She started with her staff, as usual, and moved on to the lightsaber, trying to get tired enough to shut off some of her worry. She could feel Ben somewhere off in a corner of her mind, concerned but not commenting. It was actually helpful to know that someone was listening, that he was worried for her just as she was worried for him. Having an ally in all this made it seem less hopeless; she could focus on things other than her own feelings and more on solutions. By the time she got out the training droid to shoot some tiny zaps for her to block, she was feeling more in control. When she was done, she took off the blast helmet and shook out her hair. She knew Ben was close but didn’t expect that he’d be standing in the door, watching her.

“I thought you were going to call me when food was ready.” She asked.

“I was, but I was enjoying watching you. I’m actually excited to build this lightsaber and do some real sparring.”

“You can use mine, if you want.” Rey offered, moving to embrace him.

“No, it doesn’t seem right.” Ben snugged their lower bodies together, but kept his hold loose so that Rey could look up at his face. “I want to make a new start. To build something with my hands and declare, even just to you, that I’m not Kylo Ren anymore.”

“It feels strange to even hear that name because I know he’s gone, but other people aren’t going to understand that.”

Ben nodded. “It’s even strange for me. After you left, on Kef Bir, I tried to deny it, that I was changed. But as soon as I sensed where you were going, what you planned to do, I knew I couldn’t wallow in my self-pity anymore. I had to be where you were facing danger.”

“I wish anyone besides my evil grandfather and thousands of Sith cultists had seen what you did on Exegol.”

“That would have been convenient, I’ll admit.”

“Then again, it was incredibly hot when you cut down that last Praetorian Guard in the throne room and came to stand next to me. It’s nice to have that picture to myself.”

“Yeah?” He smiled. “You weren’t worried?”

“Not about you. Kylo Ren and Ben Solo were always distinct, to me. Your fighting style was even different when we were working together or against each other. Seeing your face, seeing how you moved, I knew that you were Ben Solo and that you were there to help.”  
“The mask helped with that. With being him. That’s why I had it remade and started wearing it again. Did I tell you I went to Exegol before?”

“No,” Rey replied, puzzled as to where he was going.

“Palpatine told me that he was every voice that had ever been in my head. Those voices were relentless: violent, tempting, belittling. But as we became closer, there were times when they were blunted, when I felt like Ben again. But I was afraid, and tried to hold on tighter to Ren. I know that what we have to do is going to be difficult, but I just can’t wait to start. To fully be myself again.”

Rey put her hand to his cheek, overwhelmed with affection for this destroyed and repaired man. He bent his head to her and kissed her tenderly, raising in their bodies the slow fire that was becoming familiar, though no less welcome. As their embrace deepened, Rey moved her hands up under his shirt, desperate to feel his skin on hers. Ben chuckled and pulled back a bit.

“What?” Rey queried. Her eyes widened as Ben involuntarily shared an image with her: him bending her over one of the crates scattered around the cargo hold and driving her to madness from behind. “Oh, yes,” she moaned, but he didn’t move to complete the fantasy.

“There will be plenty of time later, my love. But let’s go eat,” he said, gently. “And then I’ll work on the saber. I want to have it all together for when we find the crystal.” 

“How are you so good at frustrating me?” She complained, only a little teasingly.

“It’s my destiny,” he smirked, but his smile drooped as he saw she wasn’t smiling back. “And we do need to get to work so we can get through this. But I promise you can have your way with me in the cargo hold or on the dejarik table or wherever you want once we get this sorted out.”

“You’re right, we can’t keep dropping everything and dropping our pants.” Rey smiled as his cheeks colored. 

“You’re making this awfully hard,” he scolded.

“I sincerely hope so,” she grinned, wickedly.

Ben grinned back at her, truly regretting his previous admonition that they get to work, then put his arm around her shoulders and led her back to the lounge.

***

After they ate -some spicy little fried meat patties with cooling dip on a pile of assorted raw leaves- Ben went to find all the pieces he’d set aside for his lightsaber and took them to the workbench in the number three hold. A saber wasn’t a complicated thing to build; it was the living kyber crystal that transformed it from a flashlight to a powerful plasma blade. The instability of his previous saber had nothing to do with his skill at building them, just the dangerous degree to which he’d overclocked it.

He started with the power cells, lining them up and attaching them in series to maximize the power output, then securing them together with shrink tape. These he fitted into the simple knurled piece of tubing he’d chosen as a grip, fishing the wires up to where the modulator and emitter would go, then securing the butt end with a slightly wider cap to act as a pommel.

“See, it’s got a little space for some weights so I can fine-tune the balance, depending on the weight of the kyber.”

“That’s a good idea,” Rey commented, raising her head as she heard the “jump-point-approaching” chime from the cockpit. “I’ll be right back. I don’t want to leave us waiting to recalculate at the jump point for more than a few seconds.” He nodded in agreement, then bent back to his task.

There wasn’t much more to do, really. Pretty quickly, he attached the modulator circuitry Rey had bought on Tatooine, wiring in an activator switch he’d swiped from some old droid-maintenance equipment back at the Lars homestead. Then he fitted Rey’s prized emitter into a little housing he’d made that would support both it and the kyber, once they’d found it, and connected the emitter to the modulator. He was done before Rey came back into the room, saying,

“The next point is in less than an hour. I think I’m going to stay in the cockpit until we get to the last leg, but I wanted to see how it’s going, first.”

“I think I’m done,” he said, pushing his chair back from the bench so Rey could see. “What do you think?”

“It looks great! I like it a lot more than the last model.” She grinned.

“That thing was a mess,” Ben agreed, picking it up and hefting it in his hand, testing the feel. “One kyber crystal and we’ll be good to go.”

“Don’t forget one of these,” Rey said, holding her closed hand toward him. Quizzically, he looked at her but held out his palm and she dropped a little belt-clip mechanism into it. 

“Of course! I would have been super annoyed the first time I tried to stow the thing and it wasn’t there.”

“You can thank me later, after we get through these next few jumps.”

“Deal.” He grinned, and she grinned back this time.

***

Rey went back to the cockpit and sat in the pilot’s seat, staring out at the blur of hyperspace and quietly fuming. How could her friends do this to her? They knew that she’d been through a lot on Exegol, though she’d been light on the details. But they knew that Ben Solo had helped her, saving the entire Resistance fleet when she couldn’t. She hadn’t really asked whether the Resistance had any continuing interest in Ben Solo. Why would she? He went one way, she went another, and as far as she was concerned at the time, their business was concluded. But Ben Solo seemed to be put in a little box labeled “Jedi stuff” and they had always defaulted to letting her handle him and all the Jedi stuff in the past. Now she resented that they weren’t anymore.

The chime sounded again, and she handled the jump with the same speed as before. Her passive sensor sweeps didn’t detect any ships waiting at any of the points they’d transited, but that didn’t mean something stealthy wasn’t lurking, and the Falcon was conspicuous. Once they were back in hyperspace, she tried to get back to her brooding but she wasn’t able to pick her anger back up in the same place as before. She sighed, sinking further into the seat and admitted to herself that she hadn’t exactly been keeping in the loop. She’d been so wrapped up in Ben -his sudden arrival, their developing relationship, this quest- that she had no idea what the Resistance was up to or even whether they’d managed to defeat the remnants of the First Order. 

A few days ago would have been a good time to check her messages, she thought, bringing one from Finn up. 

“Rey, if you get this message, you need to get in contact with me immediately. There are some crazy rumors flying- something about you and Kylo Ren in Mos Eisley? We need to hear from you before things get weird. Please.”

Rey groaned aloud, throwing her head into her hands. Why hadn’t she checked her messages? It was just careless, and she was never careless.

“Stop beating yourself up,” Ben said, coming to sit in the copilot’s seat next to her. “First of all, who hasn’t forgotten to check their messages for a few days? Second, who’s to say that if we told them what we were doing, they wouldn’t send bombers instead of bounty hunters? We need to be a little more careful, but we have to stick to the plan.”

“I’m just angry that my silly mistake could mess up everything we have.”

“If you want to get competitive about mistakes, I’m not the one to pick a fight with.” Rey couldn’t help but laugh at that. “But if it makes you feel better, I forgive you for not checking your messages while we were locked in the throes of passion.”

“Ben!” She scolded without heat. The chime sounded again, and Rey turned her attention to the controls. “One minute to sub-light speed,” she relayed, clinically.

“Recalculating the next jump,” Ben replied. A few moments later, the stretched-out stars of hyperspace travel shrank back to their usual pinpoints against the deep black of space. “Coordinates set,” he said, after a moment.

“Engaging hyperdrive.” Rey pushed the throttles forward. Only a few seconds had elapsed between them exiting hyperspace and re-entering on their new heading. “Sixty-two minutes to final course correction.” Rey sighed, returning her voice to a more normal tone. “I’ll fight them if I have to. I’ll fight them for you. I hate the idea and I absolutely know that I will do it because the only thing worse than fighting my friends is losing you.”

“Rey…” Ben started, but she wasn’t finished.

“Because I love you. And I’m not just saying that because we’re bonded, or a dyad, or because we made love. You never took any of that for granted. You were patient with me, and listened to me, and you are trying so damn hard and nobody is going to take you away from me.” 

“We’re not going to let that happen. Remember, if things get bad, we can run. We’ll still be together. I love you, too.”

“One of us should get some rest, Ben. I’m going to wait for the last jump point.”

“I’m not tired. It’s easier with two people, anyway,” he smiled over at her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sandwich a little plot between a bunch of smut and you get this chapter...

About an hour later, Rey set the final coordinates for Dantooine and stood up out of the pilot’s chair. She stretched, yawning, and said, “that’s the last one. We should be on Dantooine in about 18 hours.”

“Come to bed; we’ve had a long day.” Ben put his arm around her shoulders again, and she put hers around his waist, both growing more comfortable with the way their bodies fit together and the idea of casual intimacy. Rey yawned almost all the way back to their quarters, leaning against Ben and letting him guide her. 

When they got to their room, Rey started kicking her boots off automatically, but she felt Ben gently say to her “stop,” and she turned her face up to see his filled with a kind of intense heat she hadn’t seen on him before. Playful, eager, desperate, pleading, she’d seen them all written on his face and felt them ringing in his heart, but never the kind of serious, urgent desire stamped there now.

“Let me,” he said, employing the heartbreaking softness of his voice to its full, devastating effect.

Without speaking, they turned toward each other, arms sliding to maintain their embrace. Ben leaned down for a slow kiss, pouring his emotions into it with his full command of the Force, both light and dark. His hands started making circles on her back, massaging out her tension and molding her to his body. When she was clutching at his shirt and breathing heavily, he started working his way downward with his mouth. First, he nuzzled her ear, purring low endearments and raw promises, thrilling at the way she shivered. He worked his way down her neck, pausing when he reached the high collar of the quilted jacket she’d thrown over her desert clothes to ward off the chill of space. Starting at her shoulders, he swept his hands down her arms, taking the jacket with them and pushing it onto the floor. He laced their fingers together and kissed her knuckles. 

“You are so precious to me,” he breathed, pulling her arms around him. Immediately, he sank to his knees in the circle of her arms, continuing the hot line he had been drawing downward with his mouth. He started to pull at her wrapped shirt and she let him, arms falling from his shoulders and coming back up relieved of their clothing to rest in his hair. His hands resumed the circles they had been making, inflaming her now-bared flesh wherever he touched. 

“Oh, Ben,” she moaned, “that feels… please…” She started to try and pull his sweater up and over his shoulders, but he stopped her.

“Just relax, my love, let me take care of you.” She didn’t reply, just sighed in blissful relaxation as he worked her under-wrap free, stretching luxuriously once he had relieved her of it.

He laid her down on the bunk, kissing his way down between her breasts, feeling more of her worry dissolve into heat. Then, acquiescing to her need to touch his skin, he stood up, waiting for her to open her eyes, then nailed his gaze to hers for a moment before taking his sweater off. He could feel her ardor inflame as he came to lie on top of her, holding her hands and kissing her neck, giving her the weight of his body and heat of his skin against hers that she craved. Now she could feel his arousal pressing into her thigh and she writhed against it, eager for him. 

“So impatient,” he chided, chuckling as he kissed downward, his hot breath caressing her and making her shiver. He paused, hands on her waistband, and almost instantly felt her give permission, hips rising to help him push her leggings down. He teased her a little bit, running his fingers lightly through her curls, making her push up into his hand, begging for more of his touch. She let her legs fall open and he rested his head by her side, just looking at her for a moment. He obliged her pleas for more, wetting his fingers in her slick heat, sweeping up to circle the place where her pleasure gathered. She fisted a hand in his hair and he worked his hand smoothly, fingers and thumb bringing her to a silent, shuddering climax. He held her then, face pressed to her body, arm thrown across her waist, waiting for her to come down from her peak.

“Oh Ben, please, come to me,” she begged, and he couldn’t deny her.

He wasn’t sure how he came to shed the rest of his clothes but suddenly he was on top of her, probing her folds, seeking entrance. She rose to meet him joyfully, capturing his mouth as she captured his cock, drawing him into the heat of her body. Mouths still joined, he began to move within her, hoping to make it last but knowing he could not, not with her driving him on with her hips and her cries and her hands clutching his ass to bring him deeper into her. Far from being disappointed, she met his pace, each pushing the other inexorably toward bliss. When he came, he threw his head back, giving a choking sort of shout and thrusting wildly, driving her over the edge with the force of his release.

They lay there a long time, not moving, their breath slowing from ragged sobs to contented whispers. Ben tried to roll off her but she clutched him with her legs and whispered “sssh, not yet.”

“Anything for you, my love,” he breathed, kissing her forehead. 

Soon, Rey relented and he laid beside her, holding her with powerful tenderness.

She could feel him gathering his emotions, and after a while, he spoke. “The first time we met, you reached deep into my heart and saw the thing I hoped most to hide. You never gave up on that tiny glimmer of light, of hope I had for a different future. I don’t know if I deserved your tenacity, but it changed me, you changed me. I love you.”

“You are mine, and I will protect you.” Rey replied, with sleepy ferocity.

“Always,” he agreed, clutching her tighter as they surrendered to sleep.

***

They awoke hours later, rested but unwilling to move, not wanting to stop touching each other quite yet. 

Rey squinted at the chrono with sleepy eyes and croaked “we’ve still got 8 hours to Dantooine. I’m not getting up yet.”

“Good,” Ben murmured, pulling her closer without opening his eyes. Rey rolled toward him, putting her hand to his cheek, reveling in the feeling of her fingers scraping over his stubble.

“Can we try something?” Ben murmured, teasing her breast. When she nodded, eyes still heavy with sleep, he said quietly, “come here,” and pulled her closer, hiking her leg up over his hip and tipping their foreheads together. He laid his hand on her cheek, too, and closed his eyes. Rey’s sank shut, echoing him. They lay there like, that, breathing and feeling the shape of each other’s emotions for a few moments before images started passing between them.

 _“Show me the first time you remember using the Force.”_ Ben said to her.

 _“You already know; you were there.”_ She replied, a little perplexedly.

_“That was your awakening, but there are often little ways it leaks through before then. That’s why the Jedi used to train younglings so early.”_

She thought for a moment. _“Shortly after I arrived on Jakku, I must have been six, several other children and I were scavenging an old troop transport. The ramp was stuck, and one of the others had climbed to the top and was kicking it while the rest of us pulled from the bottom. Suddenly, it let loose and I gave a huge push to try to keep it from crushing us, and it worked. The boy on the top saw everyone else cowering and me standing there, pushing the ramp back single-handedly. He was afraid of me, after that.”_ Ben had been following along her memories as she spoke, observing what had happened.

 _“Can I show you something? Something I wish I could change?”_ Ben felt her agreement, and she sensed him delving deeper into his mind. Soon she started seeing things she supposed were Ben’s memories, tinged with the grey tint of things long past.

First, the sky, with fluffy clouds and green leaves waving into and out of her field of vision. A flock of birds was wheeling overhead, swooping and looping and chasing each other. Rey could feel their joy, feel the shape of their movement in the air and how their passage left eddies in the fabric of the living Force surrounding them.

After a moment, she heard a voice, harsh and low, menacing. “You could do it, you know. It wouldn’t take much. Just a little flick of your fingers and it would fall.” Rey shuddered to hear it, remembering Snoke’s cruel, hard voice. She felt the conflict in Ben, felt him resist, knowing it was wrong, but the voice kept coming. “Other people aren’t strong enough. They don’t have what you have. Go ahead. Just reach out.” Again she felt Ben try and draw on the light side of the Force, trying to push back against the darkness that was rising with the voice. It spoke again, harsher this time. “Do it! You can be so much more than those silly Jedi. You have the power of Vader in your blood. Those rules they teach you, it’s to make you lesser. They fear you.” The voice went on and on, encouraging, belittling, threatening, urging him to commit this pointless act of violence. Finally, her heart breaking, she felt his resistance crumble, and saw Ben’s small hand rise, snatching at one of the birds. It squeaked a little, maybe out of surprise, and then it fell lifeless to the ground. Instantly, Ben was on his feet, rushing to where the little bird lay crumpled in the grass. He lifted it in his hands, tried to repair the damage he had done, but he could not. Then came the tears, the remorse, the self loathing. It washed over him in a dark blanket, consuming everything.

Rey opened her eyes to see Ben already looking at her, eyes worried. Rey’s were brimming with tears. “Ben,” she whispered, horrified. “How old were you?”

He sighed and closed his eyes against the pain for a moment. “Five,” he answered quietly. “But I don’t remember a time I didn’t hear him. That was the first time I used the Force to do something awful, though.” 

“Your parents, your uncle, why didn’t they do something?” 

“They didn’t know. I didn’t know that hearing voices was unusual. I thought it happened to everyone. By the time I learned it wasn’t normal, I had also learned that they lock people who hear voices away. I was too afraid to tell them.”

“Oh Ben,” Rey said, sadly. “You never stood a chance.” She took a ragged breath, then steeled herself. “No, I don’t believe that’s your whole story. Your chance is now.”

Ben suddenly felt Rey replaying his memory.

“You could do it, you know,” Snoke said. 

_“But what do you want?”_ Rey asked him.

_“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”_

“Other people aren’t strong enough,” Snoke taunted again.

Rey interjected _“what does strength mean to you, right now? What did it mean then?”_

She felt Ben pause, think it over. _“I always assumed it was power. Being able to do things other people couldn’t do. Now, it’s less distinct. Power is still alluring. Power means being able to best enemies, protect you. But chasing power led me to some dark places.”_

 _“You don’t need to be my strength. I just need you with me.”_ She felt him acknowledge her.

 _“Strength would have been refusing Snoke, instead of letting him use me.”_ She felt a tinge of self-loathing.

_“Don’t go to that place. Don't hate Ben Solo. He's mine.”_

_“I was weaker to Snoke’s attacks because I thought strength was standing alone. My parents, the other students, they were weaker, so they were lesser to me, then. My father, he tried to give me strength, at the end.”_

Rey saw his last memory of Han from Ben’s perspective. The moment tore at her, the way Han’s love shone out, Ben’s indecision ripping at his heart, the grief of that final moment.

She took a moment to collect herself, then spoke. “Are you ok?”

“Mmm,” he murmurred, wordlessly. Stroking her hair. “I haven’t been able to think about those things so clearly, before. It always got muddled up with regret and sadness and self-loathing.”

“Darkness exists in you, and in me too. But we can acknowledge it without giving in to it.” 

All at once, the closeness of their bodies and minds became irresistible. As they kissed, Rey used the leg thrown over Ben’s hip to push him back, rolling on top of him.

“Hello,” Ben grinned up at her.

Rey didn’t feel like talking, she just ground her hips against his in lewd invitation. Suddenly, he couldn’t talk either and was wildly probing at her entrance. She tilted her hips and accepted him into her body with a groan. 

“Kriff, Ben,” she moaned, throwing her head back.

“Rey. Rey, look at me,” he panted, thrusting up into her. Her eyes fluttered open, locking onto his with heavy lids. She felt a stream of words pouring out from him “I love you I need you I can’t do this without you it’s so good inside you I’m yours I’ll never leave you you’re mine say you’re mine I love you I love you I love you… “

She increased her pace, riding him, her thoughts mixing with his “i’m yours I’ll never leave you nobody else does this to me you’re mine only mine always mine…”

Their climax was hard and fast, the culmination of the intense memories shared over the bond, their deepening connection, their exploding sexuality. They lay together afterward Rey draped on Ben’s chest, wrapped in a cocoon of each other’s thoughts, the soft blanket of the Force contented around them. 

“I think I could do anything with you by my side,” Ben said eventually.

Rey snuggled her face deeper into his shoulder and sighed “I hope it doesn’t come to that, but we’ll be together, whatever comes.”


	22. Chapter 22

With about four hours to go to Dantooine, Ben and Rey were both out of bed and ready to get this part of their quest over with. Ben made breakfast, as usual, putting poached eggs on top of a savory porridge and serving them each a big bowl. 

“Mix the egg in, that’s how I like it.” Ben instructed, before turning to the map projection. “About where did you find your crystal?” He asked, spooning some porridge into his mouth.

Rey indicated some ruins on the outskirts of a small city. “There. But do you think we should set down so close to civilization after those bounty hunters found us in the middle of the desert on Jakku?”

“I’m not happy about it,” Ben replied. “I think you might have been near the ancient Jedi Enclave when you found your crystal. That is exactly the kind of thing the Force does.” Rey looked at him questioningly. “Replaying the same parts over and over until we get them right.”

“But we’re going to change that,” Rey grinned at him. 

Ben grinned back. “If we time this right, we can make orbit shortly after darkness at the site. That should help us avoid detection.”

“If we can get in and out relatively quickly. It took me a few days to find my crystal.”

“That’s a risk we can’t control, but we’ll do our best.” 

A few hours later they were on the surface outside of the ruins. Dantooine was a terrible place to hide a ship, especially one as big as the Falcon, but they’d done their best to set it down among some rocks. The endless plains were punctuated only by isolated blba trees; they’d just have to hope the Falcon didn’t stand out too much among the crumbling buildings. At least they were sort of similar in color.

“It’s a shame the Falcon doesn’t still have Lando’s accessory ship,” Ben mused as he brought them in. 

“Accessory ship?” 

“Lando outfitted a small shuttle to fit between the Falcon’s mandibles. We could have hidden the Falcon on some asteroid and made our approach in the shuttle.” 

“We’ll have to ask Lando about it sometime, maybe he knows where it got to.” Rey supplied.

“I don’t know if Lando would want to help me, Rey.”

“Lando loves me,” Rey said, confidently. “And have a little faith in him. You don’t know how he’s going to react until you see him.”

“True, but those bounty hunters did send a message.”

“We don’t know who sent them, not specifically. The leadership was pretty fragmented last time I knew anything about it.” 

Ben’s voice grew quiet. “Without my mom.” 

“Yes,” Rey agreed, quietly. 

“You learned a lot from her, I can tell.” Before Rey could respond, Ben set the Falcon down gently and started powering her down. Rey grabbed her lightsaber and Ben the blaster and they made their way down the ramp. She smiled to see his almost-completed lightsaber swinging on his belt.

“You lead the way, it’s your crystal,” Rey said. “But I’m locking the Falcon up this time,” and she turned to secure it with her palm print.

Ben had taken a few steps toward the ruins and stopped, reaching out with the Force. He was hoping for a tug in a particular direction when Rey came up beside him and took his hand. He felt her reaching out, too. For a moment, he didn’t feel anything special, but suddenly, a projection of the compound sprang up in front of their eyes, almost like a three-dimensional map. 

“Whoa,” Ben said quietly. 

“That hasn’t happened before,” Rey agreed. “Go ahead,” Rey prompted, attempting to drop his hand. Ben didn’t let her, at least for a few steps, but then he relented, leading the way to a rather undistinguished pile of stones. Using the Force, he lifted the ruined pieces of the building away until a stairwell started to appear from the wreckage.

“Careful,” Rey warned, “there’s things down there.” She ignited her lightsaber, both for light and in case anything jumped out at them.

“Hopefully kinraths.” Ben muttered.

“Are you sure you don’t want this?” Rey asked, referring to her lightsaber.

“Not when we’re so close.” He advanced slowly, feeling out ahead to alert him to any creatures that might be living in the underground complex. 

As they made their way down, they came upon a hallway with a series of rooms opening off it. Most of them were empty, with nothing more than broken furniture, dripping water, or destroyed equipment inside.

“Ben, this place is weird.” Rey was getting more anxious the further they went into the complex.

“Definitely. It was a long time ago, but strange things happened here. I wish we had a chance to check them out.”

“Focus, Solo.” Rey said, under her breath.

“Skywalker, please.” Ben teased back, hoping to cut the tension a little. Before Rey could respond, he stopped moving forward and whispered “look.”

Rey peeked from behind him into a large open area ahead of them and groaned. The entire thing was swarming with huge, four-legged insect-like creatures, many of them climbing over a mound of stones that seemed to form their nest.

“You said they were big, not enormous!” Rey protested. “But the crystals are definitely over there. I can sense at least 3.”

“I don’t think they’ve sensed us, yet.” Ben whispered. “Power down your saber and I’ll see if I can grab it from here.” Rey felt him quiet, then reach out again, more focused this time. She quickly added her energy to his, helping to amplify his senses. “Five crystals… and a whole lot of eggs.” Ben clarified. “There!” He restrained himself from shouting, finding the confirmation in the Force for what he was looking for. Rey felt him start to pull on the egg he’d selected, but it was deep within the rocky pile. His eyes were closed, reaching back toward her with his free hand. She took it, and again they felt their command of the Force strengthen, Ben’s grip on the egg and the crystal inside it becoming surer. He was really pulling at it now, and little stones were rolling down the heap that constituted the nest; Rey could hear them clattering against each other. 

She risked cracking an eye open, nervous about alerting the kinraths, and didn’t like what she saw. Several of the creatures had stopped moving around the chamber and were curiously poking at the nest heap with their long appendages. Clearly, they had noticed that something was happening in there. 

“Ben…” Rey murmured nervously, and started pulling on the egg harder herself.

“Almost there…” 

Just then, two of the kinraths turned toward them, clearly unhappy about the presence of humans so close to their nest. Stones were still spilling down the pile and it had begun vibrating with the two of them pulling on the egg.

“Ben! They’ve spotted us!”

The kinraths were moving toward them now, and though the chamber was large, their long legs would carry them to their hiding place in no time. Rey stepped in front of Ben, igniting her lightsaber once more and taking up a defensive stance. 

“I’ve got it, it’s just stuck.” Ben muttered. Rey pushed them back with a muffled curse, swiping with her saber as one of the long, probing appendages made a strike at them. She really didn’t want to hurt them, just keep them back, after all, they were invading the kinraths’ hive and stealing one of their eggs. The kinrath avoided her easily enough and luckily it was far too large to fit all the way into the passageway. Backing up a few meters seemed to put them out of range, but the kinraths were not about to let them off easy, angrily striking at them and throwing themselves against the wall in an attempt to destroy the intruders.

“Ok, let’s get this thing and get out of here.” Rey muttered, concentrating to feel the shape of the nest. She could see that a few larger rocks were blocking the egg’s progress and started nudging them to the side. Ben was already trying to move one but was slowed down by having to maintain a grip on the egg. With the obstacles removed, the egg finally broke free of the nest and flew in their direction. Ben opened his eyes just in time to catch it and as one they turned to run. Rey was intent on the stairwell they’d entered from, but Ben spared a few glances back, quickly noting that the kinraths couldn’t follow them.

“Rey, it’s ok, they can’t fit through the doorway.” He panted, slowing.

Rey slowed to match his pace but kept looking over her shoulder. “I don’t like it here at all,” she shuddered, “let’s get out of here.”

“No objections from me,” Ben replied. When they made the top of the stairs, Rey motioned for him to go first because he held the blaster rifle, taking the egg from him and cradling it under her arm. Like the kinraths themselves, the egg was huge.

“We’re clear,” Ben eventually muttered. It was still dark, but he hadn’t sensed any other life forms or ships in the area. Nonetheless, they made their way back to the Falcon cautiously, and Ben immediately headed to the cockpit to start the launch sequence. Rey stowed the egg under the workbench and went to help.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boy finally gets his lightsaber.

“We need a destination,” Ben mused, piloting the Falcon to lurk in the shadow of one of Dantooine’s moons. “Somewhere we can lie low for a while.”

“Dantooine might not actually be a terrible choice. Nobody seems to have followed us, but there has been some Resistance presence until pretty recently.”

“Back to the Unknown Regions? We’re both good enough pilots to hide out there for a while, and it would be hard to follow us.” 

“I know exactly two planets in the Unknown Regions and I don’t think we want to go to either of them.” Ben raised his eyebrows at her in question. “Exegol, which is obviously out, and Ahch-To.”

“Luke’s planet.” Ben answered with understanding. Suddenly, an idea came to him. “Balnab.” He said with certainty.

“Balnab? I’ve heard of it but that’s about it.”

“Mid-rim, off the beaten path but not completely isolated. The climate isn’t terrible and the population is low. Dad used it as a hideout a few times, and nobody ever found him there.”

“Ok, but we’re going to need fuel and supplies if we’re going to keep bouncing around the galaxy like this.” Rey warned.

“Agreed. What about Kesmere? Imperial and First Order stronghold; anyone looking for us on behalf of the Resistance wouldn’t receive a warm welcome.”

“Are you going to be recognized, though? Am I? That could be just as bad.”

“Only a few officers ever saw me without the mask, and a lot of them are dead. You are pretty well known though. We’ll have to keep our heads down.”

“If you’re sure, I trust you.” They flashed a tight smile between them.

“I am. Calculating course for Kesmere. Estimate 3 hours to destination.”

“Corse laid in. Engaging hyperdrive.”

*** Lightsaber building time with Ben!

Once they were underway, Ben practically leapt out of the pilot’s seat and headed for the workbench. 

“Hey! Wait up!” Rey called behind him, but she was mostly joking. She knew he wasn’t about to finish the lightsaber without her. She caught up with him as he was hauling the egg out from under the workbench and admiring it.

“I cannot wait to see this thing,” he practically gushed. Rey couldn’t help but smile. Seeing Ben giddy was still pretty new and completely adorable. “How did you open the egg you found?” He asked. 

“Just drop it,” she laughed. Ben raised it to about waist height and let it fall onto the decking. They watched it shatter, rocks and dust falling out at their feet. Ben knelt down to inspect the debris and pulled out a small kyber crystal, taller than it was round and beautifully faceted.

“That’s strange, it doesn’t seem like the crystal I felt in the ruins.” He looked a little disappointed. “I hope it will still work.”

“Look, Ben!” Rey gasped, pointing to another piece of the rubble. 

“Another crystal!” He exclaimed. This one was larger, almost spherical, and had big, chunky facets catching the light. As he picked it up he confirmed, “this is definitely the one I felt. It’s going to be perfect.” 

“What are you going to do with the other one?” Rey asked, curiously.

“I was thinking I’d give it to you,” he grinned up at her. “You contributed at least as much as I did to finding it.” He held it up to her and she took it from him, admiring it in the light.

“I’m not sure what I’d do with it,” Rey puzzled, but she smiled at his gift.

“You could make a convertible saber staff using your current blade,” he offered. Rey didn’t say anything, and he felt her emotions suddenly churning. “What?”

“I guess I never told you what I saw on Kef Bir,” she murmured, asking the question with her eyes. He nodded, and she showed him the vision she experienced in the chamber off the throne room in the ruined Death Star -the dark version of herself with the double-ended saber staff that could be converted into a double-bladed saber.

He nodded slowly, getting to his feet. “I’d say that explains the poor reception I got, but we’ve already established that things worked out for the best.” He raised his eyebrows, trying to draw a laugh out of her. She gave a watery smile that didn’t reach her eyes, so he held his arms out, drawing her into his embrace. “You don’t have to do anything with it if you don’t want. I just want you to have it.” She nodded mutely, so he kissed her on the forehead and said, “hold on a minute,” and turned with the crystal to do something at the workbench. “No peeking.”

Rey was dying of curiosity, but she went over to fiddle with the droid charging station on the other wall of the hold. After a few minutes, Ben approached her holding something in his hand. He held it out to her and she saw that he had mounted the crystal on a little wire loop and passed a leather cord through that to make a necklace. “Here,” he said, softly. “Now you can keep it with you whether you build something with it or not.”

“Ben, it’s beautiful!” She gasped. “I’m not sure anyone’s ever given me a gift before.” She sniffled a little bit and leaned into him, his arms coming up to embrace her as she cradled the necklace in her hand. “But I don’t have anything to give you.”

“Oh hush, you’ve already given me my entire life back. This is just a trinket.” He pressed a kiss into her hair. She turned up to capture his lips and they began to kiss in earnest, breath mingling, bodies molding to each other. Rey got ahold of his sweater with one hand and was using it to push him against the outer wall of the ship when she realized what they had come in there for in the first place. She pushed herself back a little bit, slowing the kiss to a stall.

“Mmm,” she moaned into his mouth, “you should put your new crystal to use.” 

“Help me, then.” He said, voice low and rough. He held his crystal toward her in his upturned palm. She slipped her new necklace over her head and then covered his crystal with her palm, cradling his hand from below with her other one. Together, they closed their eyes and Rey felt Ben focusing on the shape of the crystal in the Force. She followed his lead. 

_“This took me two days the last time I did it,”_ Ben thought to her, _“but I’ve got a feeling…”_

Rey didn’t need to say anything, just concentrated on the flow of the Force around them, letting Ben lead but trying to amplify his intent. Soon, the crystal began to feel warm in their hands, pulsing with a signature of its own.

“There,” Ben said. He looked at Rey, “how long did you have to meditate over yours?”

“I didn’t…” she replied, puzzled. “But it did feel warm when I picked it up.”

“It must like you as much as I do,” Ben grinned at her. 

She smiled sternly at him before adding impatiently, “well go on then!”

Ben didn’t need telling twice. He went over to the workbench, spun a few bolts to crack open the new casing, and fit the crystal into the housing he’d made. It only took a few more moments to tighten everything up and the saber was ready to go.

“Ready?” He asked her, thumb hovering over the switch. She nodded, holding her breath in anticipation as he ignited the blade. The familiar sound was met with a beam of dazzling blue, not watery like his first lightsaber, but bright and clear. They were both grinning enormously.

“It’s beautiful, Ben!” Rey exclaimed softly. 

He looked at it in wonder, voice cracking a little bit. “I truly never thought I would see the day…” and shook his head. 

“Give it a try,” she urged, stepping back. He gave a few trial thrusts and parries, twirled the blade in his hand a few times. He was starting to get the feel for it, moving more fluidly and speeding up when he saw Rey grinning at him and reaching for her own saber. She met one of his attacks with a parry of her own and they playfully threw each other off their blades. She hung back for a moment, giving him permission to attack again. He met her blade a few times while she fell back, then she started moving to attack. The Force flowed between them like it had when they’d fought previously, but instead of stoking rage it was blossoming with joy. They drew apart again, eyes locked, triumphant smiles on the faces, both raising their weapons in unison to fall together again when they heard the chime from the cockpit that indicated they were approaching Kesmere. 

Ben gave a little chuckle and wiped his forehead on his sleeve. “I guess we’ll have to finish this later,” he said, extinguishing the blade.

“That felt wonderful,” Rey enthused, flicking the activator on her hilt with her thumb and stowing the saber on her belt.

“It did, didn’t it?” Ben agreed. “We’re going to have a lot of fun with this. But first, Kesmere.” They headed for the cockpit together, high on their shared emotions and the contentedness of their bond.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fighting is flirting for our crazy space kids.

From the moment they broke atmosphere at Kesmere, it was clear that it was a much darker place than even Mos Eisley. Night was falling on the spaceport and it was eerily quiet, except for the marching feet of paramilitary patrols, reminding Rey of Kijimi. The shadows were deepening and a cold rain was falling. Between the weather and the political climate, nobody was about unless they had to be.

“We definitely can’t be using your big fancy credit chip here,” Rey muttered, pulling on her quilted jacket and covering it with a dark poncho. 

“That’s for sure,” Ben replied. “We should find a way to move some of the balance to other accounts.” 

“That’s going to have to wait,” Rey said. “I think I can cover us on my chip for now. It’s just registered to ‘Rey,’ so it might not alert anyone.”

“Just the basics, then. We’re pretty good for dried food, medical supplies, clothing. We could use some fruit though…”

“I can’t get over how much you like fruit,” Rey grinned, with a playful shove to his arm.

“How do you think I keep my hair so shiny?” He teased back. 

“Mmm,” Rey hummed, running her fingers through his dark hair. His arms came to encircle her lightly. “It’s getting pretty long. Are you going to cut it?”

Ben turned his lips toward one of her wrists, nibbling little kisses on the soft flesh there. “I hadn’t thought about it. But if you like it…” 

“As long as you keep shaving, it doesn’t matter to me. Now let’s get this taken care of.” 

Ben gave a last playful nip to her wrist before letting her go and shrugging a hooded parka over his sweater and dark pants. It was a little small -probably his dad’s, he thought- but it wouldn’t do to go around this place looking like a Jedi. That left his lightsaber inaccessible inside the coat, so with a frown he shoved it somewhat reluctantly into his pocket. It felt a little unceremonious to carry it around like any other piece of equipment, especially the first time he took it anywhere, but he didn’t see an alternative. He also grabbed the blaster rifle for the look of it, slinging it over his shoulder to make it conspicuous that they were armed.

Ben was pleased that Rey didn’t make any comments about splitting up this time, the bond making clear that they both would prefer to stick close. She indicated to the dock master that she needed fuel for the Falcon with as few words as possible, mumbling from the shadows of her hood. The dock master growled in the affirmative and they quickly made their way out into the city for supplies. 

They didn’t see too many shops open at this time of night, and Rey was cursing herself for not doing some research before they landed. After a few minutes of walking, during which time they ducked into a few doorways and alleys to hide from approaching patrols, they came to a little shop that seemed to have both fresh and prepared foods for sale. It felt strange to be filling a basket with fruits, vegetables, grains, even a little cheese in a brightly lit shop while also wearing a hood and trying to remain unnoticed, but Ben tried to get the job done as quickly as possible. Rey was pointing to some things in the hot food case, having them packaged up. 

“I thought it would be nice to let someone else cook for once. Who knows when we’ll get the chance again,” she said to him over the bond. She couldn’t see him, but felt him smile as he approached, putting his selections on the counter to purchase them. They managed to make the transaction and get out of the shops with their bags, but as soon as they started to cross a small square that lay between them and the spaceport, it was clear they were in trouble. 

A small group of hooded figures stood on the other side of the square, obviously waiting for them. 

_“There’s an entire patrol waiting in that alley, too.”_ Ben growled over the bond.

One figure, ostensibly the leader, stepped toward them. Rey spotted the unmistakable gleam of a lightsaber at their side. Ben instantly understood what she had seen, and simultaneously they dropped their bags, hands going to their own weapons and senses immediately reaching out to assess the threat.

 _“They’re Force-sensitive,”_ Rey replied. _“Great.”_

“Identification, please,” the figure called out, voice modulated by a mask. Everyone knew it was just a stall, an attempt to lull them into cooperation before capturing them.

“Left it on the ship,” Rey brazened. 

“No matter,” the figure replied. “You two are most interesting, and you’ll be coming with us.”

“Nah,” Ben called, his voice ridiculously indifferent for the situation. “We’re busy.”

“If that’s the case…” the leader reached to their lightsaber and ignited it. Ben and Rey weren’t surprised to see its red color. The three other hooded figures did the same; the patrol remained at the ready in the alley. Obviously, this was headed for a fight, fast, so Rey threw back her hood and activated her own weapon. A second later, she heard Ben’s ignite as well. 

“Fascinating,” called the leader. “I sense great dark potential in both of you, but you feel like light-siders. And I’ve never sensed Force signatures so entwined.” 

“If you’re checking us out in the Force, you know you’re in over your head.” Ben taunted. “You can still walk out of here.”

“I’m afraid things won’t be going that way,” the figure called. “There are many more of us than there are of you, and we brought our trooper friends to…” 

Before the leader could finish their thought, Ben gave a heavy shove with the Force and knocked them back into the others. Together, Ben and Rey charged, hoping to press their advantage while they were still trying to recover. Blaster fire started to erupt from the alley, but the narrow opening only gave two troopers the opportunity to fire at a time. Rey deftly rebounded a few shots back into the alley, hearing screams to indicate they’d met their marks. She quickly slid to her side, putting Ben at an angle to her and two of the hooded figures between them and the troopers in the alley. Ben got a good strike in at the leader but was deflected, and had to fall back a bit as one of the henchmen got to their feet and swiped at him. 

The masked figures were starting to encircle them, not knowing they were playing perfectly to Ben and Rey’s advantage. They turned to put their backs solidly against one another, both now smiling openly. 

_“Now this is fun.”_ Rey thought at Ben.

 _“Just like old times,”_ he thought back. 

The attackers foolishly didn’t take their grins as a warning and instead of working together to draw Ben and Rey apart, attacked in pairs, leaving each to deal with only one assailant at a time. The first two fell ridiculously quickly, one to Ben’s spinning backhand slash and another to Rey’s lunge that parried aside the crimson blade and struck lethally inside their guard. This more than evened the odds, but it allowed the troopers in the alley more room to fire on them without striking the remaining masked figures.

As Ben spun his saber in readiness, deflecting back a few blaster bolts so casually it seemed accidental, Rey had a chance to admire just how fast he was, especially for such a large man. As Kylo Ren, he’d been formidable, his size and strength favoring powerful and aggressive forms designed to overwhelm opponents with sheer strength and brutality. As Ben, he was transcendent, not forgetting the advantage of his size and reach, but fluidly attacking before his assailant even had a chance to get close enough to strike him. Rey was a little surprised at how attractive it was.

 _“Later,”_ he chuckled to her, silently.

 _“If you insist…”_ she teased back. 

The remaining masked figures had been circling Ben and Rey, and they in turn circled to keep up, still keeping themselves firmly back-to-back. When blaster fire appeared from the alley again, Rey took the opportunity to rebound one of the bolts at the last henchman, who fell with a scream. In an instant she was directly facing the alley, covering Ben as he clashed with the leader. Within a few moments, Ben had disarmed them and pushed them to the ground, the crimson saber extinguishing and flying into the air. Rey caught it lightly without looking and reignited it in her off-hand, still facing the alley. 

“So,” Ben opened, “as much as we’ve enjoyed this, we’d like to know who you are and what you want with us.”

“I won’t tell you anything.” The now-posse-less leader tried.

“You might not, but then again, you’ve seen our dark potential for yourself, so…” he twirled his saber almost lazily, letting the implications settle in the masked figure’s mind. Ben felt a tiny flash of concern from Rey, but he assured her he was just playing a part, using his darkness to project the image of power. _“It’s what darksiders understand,”_ he explained.

“My Master will train you in the ways of the dark side!” Ben suppressed the impulse to roll his eyes.

“I very much doubt your Master has much to teach me. Who is he and what does he want?”

At this point, one of the troopers tried a shot at Rey and was disappointed by the results, which bounced back into his face.

“She can do that all day, you know.” Ben offered mildly. “But I’ve been known to be less patient.”

“I cannot name my Master,” the leader began, “but he is seeking apprentices! He was trained by the Emperor himself!”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” Ben said, almost bored. “We have no interest in being anyone’s apprentices.” With a wave of his hand, he knocked out the leader and swept them forcefully across the pavement of the square and into the alley, throwin back the troopers still standing and causing chaos as they fell onto one another, tripping over their fallen comrades. Fingers that were injudiciously left on triggers squeezed off shots that felled other troopers.

“Grab the sabers!” Ben shouted to Rey, turning to scoop up their bags. At a run, she used the Force to call the remaining three sabers to her and then dumped them unceremoniously on top of their dinner in the bag that Ben was holding open for her. They both took off for the spaceport, extinguishing their sabers but keeping them in hand. They tore past the dock master’s office and up the ramp of the Falcon, dropping their bags on the way to the cockpit. Within moments, they were airborne, Ben popping them into hyperspace for a few seconds to cement their escape. Neither one of them regretted skipping out on the docking fees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've got another chapter ready to go in the next few days, but I'm tangling with something further ahead that might take a bit of sorting out. Thanks for hanging in with me.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops, made a mistake copying. accurate now.

“Well that was interesting,” Ben offered, starting the calculations for Balnab. “Fun, too.” Rey glanced at him with a half smile, but was intent on the nav computer.

“Estimate eight hours to destination,” Rey replied, then added, “it never occurred to me that Palpatine would have more apprentices. That’s not really a Sith thing.”

“Course laid in; engage hyperdrive.” Ben sat back as Rey pushed the throttles forward to make the jump. “Yeah, but I guess we can’t be surprised. I’ve seen him hedge his bets before. Even played it against him.”

“What are you talking about?” Rey asked. She could feel Ben hesitating but her look made it clear that she wouldn’t let him skirt around it.

“I don’t even like saying this, but… remember that I went to Exegol before?” She nodded. “The Emperor told me that if I killed you, I could inherit his power. If I succeeded, good for him; he’s got a new body. If I failed, presumably with you killing me and falling to the dark, also good for him, because then you could inherit it. My play was to let him think I was going along with it so that I could finish looking into what I strongly suspected was our dyad, and to use that to get you to join me, turning his own plan around on him, taking his power for ourselves, and ruling the galaxy.” 

“You are a very twisty man.” Rey said, perplexed and a little disturbed.

“It’s a dark side thing,” he muttered, chagrinned. “But you got the drop on both of us by turning me, thus out-twisting the dark siders by not twisting at all.” He grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Really, it was a total power move. Super hot.” He twinkled at her and was rewarded with a little thawing of her anxiety.

“So in addition to torturing you for all those years, Palpatine was training another apprentice. Great.”

“At least one other.” 

“And now they know about us. This is getting more complicated all the time, Ben.”

“I don’t know what else we can do about it but stick to our plan. But I am going to laugh at the idea of becoming second banana to a second banana.”

“…second? …banana?” 

Ben laughed. “Something my dad used to say. An inferior sidekick.”

“Are you sure about that, though? What if you were the backup apprentice and we now have a super-powerful Sith on our trail?”

“Yes, I’m sure, for a few reasons. First, those henchmen were pretty terrible. Second, I did bestride the galaxy as Supreme Leader of the First Order for more than a year, so anyone who could have tried me, would have. But most convincing, look at you. You’re unbelievable, and if we’re supposed to be equals…”

“Flatterer,” Rey scolded without heat. “You’re in a very good mood about this.” She laced her fingers through his.

“Hey, you like a good fight as much as I do. And our situation is essentially unchanged. We just have to figure out the safest way to get supplies away from both the Resistance and the Imperial remnants. You want some dinner?”

“It always comes back to dinner with you.” Rey smiled as Ben jogged ahead to retrieve the bags they had abandoned when they were making their escape.

He put the groceries in the galley, grabbing some utensils, and then took the prepared meals to the lounge. He put the bag down on the table with a pronounced clank from the captured lightsabers still in there.

“What did you want with those things anyway?” Rey asked. 

“Well we just went from one lightsaber to six in the space of a day,” he grinned. It was hard not to smile back. “So we’ve got backup weapons if anything happens. We could practice Jar’Kai, or save them for our students.”

“But the crystals are bled, Ben.”

“You can heal a bled crystal. It’s easier if it’s yours, but it’s possible. If our recent experience with crystals is any guide, we’ll probably be good at it.” Ben passed a plate over to Rey and started opening the boxes of food. He put a bunch of different things on his plate and sat down, looking at Rey with sudden concern. Her plate was empty and she wasn’t making any move to fill it. He showed her some of his worry about her through the bond.

“It’s just… can we really pull this off? Don’t you think we should just run? Every time we land somewhere we make a new enemy.” 

“I still think we can,’ he said, softly. “But if you want to try something else, we can talk about it.”

“Would you come to Ahch-To with me? The site of the first Jedi temple would be as good a place as any to try what we need to do. There’s both light and dark there.” She looked up at his face, feeling him close off a little bit. “What?”

“I don’t know.” She looked at him with sudden alarm. “Sorry, that came out wrong. I’m staying with you unless you tell me otherwise. But I don’t know if I want to live somewhere that Luke was for so long. I don’t know if I exactly blame him for everything that happened, but it’s hard to get the picture of him standing over me with a drawn saber out of my head.”

“No, I shouldn’t have asked.” She was looking down at nothing, picking at a nonexistent speck on her spoon.

“If we have to run, that’s where we’ll run to, ok?” He reached out to still her hand. She looked up to him with watery eyes, clasping his fingers.

“Ok.”

“Eat something, it will make me feel better.” 

“Yes, Master.” Rey rolled her eyes. 

Ben’s eyes were suddenly alive with mischief. “If that’s how you want to play it…” and then he pulled her into a kiss.

Balnab was an unremarkable planet in an unremarkable place. Covered in either sinking swamps or rocky ravines, it was just unpleasant enough to escape major colonization, but it didn’t have dangerous weather or wildlife. 

“Did your dad have a place he used to hide out, or…?” Rey asked, as they approached the planet.

“I don’t really know,” Ben mused, looking out the canopy at the gray and green planet rotating above them.

“Well, we should probably avoid civilization, not that it would be hard in this place.” 

Ben reached his hand out to Rey. “Let’s see what’s out there.” Their joint Force abilities had increased explosively the more they’d been together. Their connection had always been powerful; seeing each other across distances, let alone transferring objects had never even been mentioned in anything Ben had ever read, and he’d read a lot. But he’d been observing the way their senses interfaced since Rey had agreed to explore their “Force thing” and even he had to admit that he couldn’t place an estimate on the limits of what they might be able to do. They’d made a map of the whole Jedi Enclave on Dantooine; who was to say that they couldn’t do the same for a planet?

Rey stretched out and took his hand, her eyes slipping closed as they reached out together. She felt Ben as powerfully as ever in the Force, and as they concentrated, she felt their perceptions begin to widen, eventually encompassing most of the planet in front of them and a fair bit of the surrounding space.

 _“Well there’s no other ships in the system. That’s good news.”_ Ben thought at her.

 _“But there is something. It’s small…”_ Rey muttered, concentrating harder. _“It feels like…”_

 _“Dad?”_ Ben gasped, with wonder.

_“But Han…”_

_“Was as Force-sensitive as a rock.”_ Ben completed for her.

_“Well you said he used to come here, maybe he had a house or something?”_

_“I suppose that could be it. I don’t think we can tell with enough specificity from here.”_

_“Then let’s go check it out.”_ Rey opened her eyes and smiled at him. 

“You got the helm?” He asked, smiling back. When she nodded, he unbuckled and came to stand behind her chair, placing his hands on her shoulders. “I think we’ve got a fix on it, but I want to see what we can do when one of us is concentrating on something else. Just ignore me, sweetheart.” He could feel her start a little bit at the pet name, but it had slipped out and it felt too good to take it back. 

She didn’t say anything but gave him a little mental nudge across the bond, almost like knocking her hip against his, dropping the Falcon out of orbit and making right for that little sparkle in the Force that said “Han.” It was a good thing that she was an excellent pilot, she thought, as she rolled sharply to port and plunged into a narrow ravine with the ship on its side, because it was impossible for her to ignore Ben when he was touching her, and especially when she could tell he was flexing a little bit in the Force to keep himself upright regardless of which way she tipped the ship. She followed the path of a stream that seemed to have undercut the walls of the canyon at some time in the past, and after a few minutes she was able to level them out and skim under the walls’ overhanging ledges.

“Ahead, about 1000 meters,” Ben said, unnecessarily, opening his eyes to squint into the distance. Rey pretty quickly found a large enough spot to land the Falcon where it was mostly concealed from the air by the ledge. She set the ship down gently and started powering her down. Night was falling, but they decided to have a look around before it was completely dark.

They were somewhere in the middle of a large area of canyons cut through with waterways that ranged in size from small streams all the way up to large rivers. This particular place didn’t look special in any way, but when Ben and Rey clasped hands, it pulsed with a beat that sounded like “Han.” 

Pausing for a minute at the bottom of the ramp, Rey tugged gently on the bond to ask Ben to pause for a second.

“I feel something strange,” she said, closing her eyes and casting out into the Force.

“Hmmm,” Ben muttered, following her lead. “I feel both darkness and light, pretty well balanced, actually…” he hedged.

“But it’s different. It’s not the same as the rest of this place. It’s not coming from Balnab’s living Force energy.”

“You’re right. It’s static. Not alive at all.”

“What do you think? I can’t tell what it’s coming from, or figure out where that “Han” feeling is coming from, either."

“It doesn’t feel dangerous,” Ben shrugged. “But we don’t have time to look around much before it’s dark. Do you want to head back up into orbit?” 

“No, we’re better hidden here. And like you said, it doesn’t feel dangerous.” She shrugged back at him. “Is it dinner time?”

He grinned broadly. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Together they gathered up some firewood and Ben started to make them some dinner: a thick soup of legumes with preserved meat. They ate side-by-side, staring into the flames and letting the stress of the last few days loosen a bit. Had they really left Tatooine a little more than a week ago? It felt a bit absurd. On the other hand, Ben reflected, stealing a glance down at Rey, he already felt more comfortable with her than he had with any person he could remember. And it wasn’t just the sex, though he quietly marveled how everything she did, from eating the food he made her to charging at him with an ignited lightsaber seemed to make him at least halfway hard. No, it was just that things seemed so incredibly _right_ now that they were together -in the same place, on the same path, in the same bed- it almost seemed like it had always been that way. 

He felt her shiver a little bit next to him and didn’t hesitate to pull her into his lap. She must have been deep in thought because she let out a little strangled sound of surprise as he scooped her up. He nuzzled her ear and rumbled low into it “sleep out here with me tonight?”

“Wouldn’t it be warmer in the Falcon?” She murmured back.

“I won’t let you get cold,” he dropped his voice even more, causing her to shiver again. He started to press kisses to her jaw and throat, teasing a moan from her. 

“Mmm, how are you going to do that?” 

“First,” he said, working his way back up to her ear. “I’m going to kiss you until your whole body feels like it’s glowing.” He captured her mouth by way of demonstration.

“And then?” She writhed on his lap, not unaware of the sensations she was causing in him.

“And then I’m going to touch you everywhere, to make sure every part is on fire.” His hands were roaming everywhere, trailing heat.

“Yesss…” she breathed.

“And then I might go a little deeper, make sure you weren’t holding out on me.” His hand was grazing up the inside of her thigh, dragging slowly over the seam between her legs. “But maybe you might get too hot, so I’d have to help you out of some of these clothes.” He started to slip her jacket off, and she started pulling at his sweater, meeting his mouth with a hungry kiss. His hands started to work her leggings down her hips and she wiggled to help him.

“But I wanted to look at the stars, so I might lie down for a bit.” His voice was full of mischief, and he laid back pulling her on top of him. He kissed her again, pulling her smaller body into his furnace-like warmth. She writhed into his hip and he bit his lip, feeling the weight of her body on his cock. Her position on top of him seemed to awaken some naughtiness behind her eyes. She grabbed him firmly by the upper arms and pressed him into the ground. He loved her like this, loved knowing that despite his greater size, she could keep him there if she wanted. Starting with his mouth, she dragged kisses down his body, stopping when she got to his waistband. 

“So only one of us might get too hot? Well, I wouldn’t want to let you freeze.” She grazed his length through the fabric, deliberately catching her fingers on the closure of his trousers with each stroke, driving him mad with the way she wasn’t opening it. She was sending little flashes of things across their connection to him, things she imagined, things she’d seen: the feeling of his hands all over her body; the image of his eyes, locked to hers as they made love; the thought of his head between her thighs, his hair tickling her skin; her head in his lap as he stroked her hair her gently with his big hand. She finally popped the closure open and reached inside to stroke him, pulling a groan from his lips. 

“Kriff, Rey,” he moaned, propping his head up on his arm to look at her. She was studying his cock where it peeked out of his opened trousers, hovering near as she continued to stroke ever so lightly, watching what made him twitch and jerk.

She looked up at him and her mouth went a little dry for a minute at the sight of his arm flexed behind his head, eyes hooded with lust, watching her. Suddenly, she ripped his trousers downward and climbed on top of him again, knocking him flat. He reached up to embrace her but she pushed one of his arms back down again.

“No, I liked the view from here,” she purred, stroking the soft skin on the inside of his biceps. She started to rock her slick folds against him, enjoying the torture it inflicted on both of them. “The more I see of you, the more I appreciate it,” she went on. “Even seeing your face for the first time almost ruined me. And your hand, do you know how wet I was just touching your hand?”

“I think I can guess,” he chuckled. “If my response was any judge.” 

“‘I feel it, too,’” she quoted him, rolling her hips and gliding over his length again. Suddenly, she tilted her hips and captured him in one quick motion, hands pressing into his hips, forcing him to be still. She tortured them both slowly, only allowing Ben a hand on her thigh to anchor them. She worked herself to a silent, shuddering climax, spasming around his length as she sated herself. She could feel his pent up lust quivering impatiently beneath her, and smirked at him just a little. She started moving again. This time, the heat gathering between them suddenly threatened to overwhelm them both.

Whispering “now, Ben,” Rey began to ride him with frantic speed, him thrusting upward into her with equal desperation. Rey found a long, rolling climax, drawing it out as Ben shuddered to his own finish, gripping her hips and groaning. She collapsed on him, one of his hands coming up to stroke her back, her arms slung loosely over his chest and shoulders. Ben groped for his discarded sweater with his other hand and draped it over Rey’s back. Nestled into his warmth, the sweater on her back and the fire at her side, Rey began to drowse contentedly. 

After a while, Ben rumbled, “should I go get some blankets?”

“Probably,” she yawned, “but I don’t want to get up, either. I’m too warm and sleepy.”

He sat up, taking her with him. “You keep the sweater, then.” They disentangled their limbs and rose to their feet, Rey pulling Ben’s sweater over her head and Ben stepping into his trousers. Falling in beside each other, they headed back to the Falcon to get their sleeping things, arms draped around each other, surrounded by the warm cocoon of the Force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life keeps getting in the way of writing, but I'm plugging away.


	26. Chapter 26

He had forgotten that birds got up really early and you can hear them really well when you sleep outside, Ben reflected, staring up at the barely-grey morning sky. But just because he was awake didn’t mean he had to actually get up. It was too nice snuggled into a nest of blankets with Rey to want to get up yet, even for breakfast or caf. He dozed a little bit, enjoying the feeling of Rey’s heartbeat marching along with his. Of all the things he was grateful for, simply being alive, and her with him, was almost enough to overwhelm him. As the light gathered with the coming of dawn, he looked down at her face, watching it resolve into focus. She was peacefully cradled under one of his arms, face buried in his chest, still asleep despite the noise from the wildlife. Stars, she was cute. And how such a powerful creature had any business being cute he could not explain. He marveled how she had completely entranced him: her unassuming courage, the nimble strength coiled in her body, the way she was so nice to him without taking any of his banthasplat. 

He couldn’t say how long he went on like this, watching her and marveling at her, when he felt a little flutter in their connection that meant she was waking. His fingers moved in the tiniest caress on her back, unable to restrain themselves now that he wouldn’t disturb her. 

“Good morning, my love,” he rumbled, his voice thick from being unused all night. 

“Morning,” she yawned, hiding her face in his chest, then smiling up at him to give him one of her funny little tight-lipped “I probably have morning breath” kisses. He chuckled a little at her efforts; he’d kiss her covered in Dagobah swamp mud. He’d kiss her in a garbage chute.

“Birds are really loud,” she muttered, stretching.

“I forgot about that,” he chuckled. “But it’s nice to be outside after being in space for so long.” 

“So you want to find that thing today?” She asked, knowing the answer.

“Breakfast first?”

“Of course breakfast first,” she smiled at him. 

They reluctantly left the warmth of their blankets, dashing inside the Falcon. Ben appreciated the sight of Rey’s pale thighs under the hem of the sweater she’d never returned as she walked up the ramp ahead of him. Rey felt him looking and responded with a little amused twinkle. How lucky was he to get to a place where ogling her was not only allowed, but encouraged? He shook his head a little bit to clear it.

Once inside, Ben made some food -fruit and bread and fried slices of meat- as Rey used the ‘fresher. When she came into the galley dressed in her usual leggings and his sweater, he couldn’t help being amused and aroused. Apparently he wasn’t getting that sweater back, and he wasn’t about to complain. 

“Everything’s ready except the caf. Can you make it while I grab a ‘fresher?” He asked, brushing a little closer than necessary as they passed in the doorway.

“Sure,” she said, looking around for the things. When he came back, clean from a quick shower and dressed in his Jedi clothes again, they took their plates to the lounge so they could eat, again leaving the caf to Rey.

“We’ll survive this caf, but you are much better at making it,” Rey joked.

Ben laughed. “Any idea where we should start looking?”

“None. It’s no clearer to me than yesterday, though we seem close to it, I guess.” 

“I was awake pretty early and tried to look around in the Force but didn’t see much. I don’t know if it was because I didn’t want to wake you up or what. I’m kind of excited to find this mysterious whatever it is.”

“Let’s see what we can do about that,” Rey got up and held out her hand for Ben. She led him outside and then settled down in the classic cross-legged meditation pose. Ben joined her and took her hand again. They both began to relax and feel each other fully in the Force, then began to expand their senses, repeating what they’d done yesterday from orbit. They were able to tell pretty quickly that they were close to whatever it was, but not anything more specific. 

_“I guess we’re not looking for a house,”_ Ben provided.

_“Did he leave something here, then? And where would he hide it?”_

_“Hmm…”_

_“There’s a cave!”_ Rey exclaimed.

 _“There’s always a cave…”_ Ben grumbled, then opened his eyes to find they were a few inches off the ground. “Oh,” he said, surprised. “That hasn’t happened in a while.” He lowered himself gingerly.

Rey smiled at his surprise at finding himself off the ground. She thought it was a good sign for him. “I think it’s good! And the last cave wasn’t so bad,” she added.

“Just some bad experiences with caves in the past,” he showed her a quick summary of his visit to the Cave of Evil on Dagobah. 

“Well we both think that whatever’s out there isn’t dangerous, and we don’t even know if whatever it is is in this cave…” 

“Ok, let’s go check it out.” He held out his hand to her, glad for the comfort of her touch as well as the heightened senses.

Ben brought a pack with some water and they walked up the ravine for a while, looking around with their eyes and their sense of the Force, but it was pretty clear when a small opening loomed about halfway up the wall that they had found the cave. It necessitated some climbing; Rey went first and Ben followed behind her. When he got to the ledge at the mouth of the cave, he found her sitting there and looking uncomfortable.

“Are you ok?” He asked, concerned. Rey was not a delicate creature by any means.

“Yeah, I’m just feeling a little nauseous.” 

“Your breakfast went down ok?”

“Yeah, I’m sure it’s nothing. Come on, let’s find whatever is up here.”

The air inside the cave was foul-smelling and stale, which was a little strange for a cave open to the air. Joining hands again, they looked around and found an area where the rocky wall had been disturbed. With a little use of the Force, they moved some rocks to reveal a moderately-sized metal box. Rey was definitely suffering in the unpleasant atmosphere, but she was trying to power through. Ben lifted it down and set it on the ground. “This was Dad’s, alright.”

Opening the box, he was momentarily stunned to see an enormous pile of credit chips.

“Well this will come in handy,” he said. Feeling Rey’s nausea was worse, he looked up with concern. She waved him off.

“How much is in there?” She asked.

“Not sure,” he said, reaching in to start counting the chips. “Wait, there’s something else in here…“ He hadn’t gotten a chance to finish his thought when Rey threw up.

***  
Ben quickly dropped the lid on the box and rubbed Rey’s back as she retched and spat.

“Are you ok?” He asked quietly. When she lifted her head, he handed her some water to rinse her mouth.

“Yeah, but let’s grab that box and get out of here.”

“Can you climb down?”

“I think so. I just need some fresh air.”

“You go sit by the door; I’ll put everything in the pack.” He began to pile the chips into his bag when his hand grazed the larger objects at the bottom of the chest. “What in the galaxy…” He muttered, pulling them out and looking at them in absolute shock. “What was dad doing with a Jedi and a Sith holocron? Rey, you gotta get out of here.” Working quickly, he dumped the rest of the chips into the bag, grabbed the Jedi holocron, and dropped the other one back in the box, slamming the lid. “Come on, let’s go.”

When the Sith holocron was back in the chest, Rey felt her nausea abate a little. 

“I think that box is blocking some of the dark Force energy when it’s closed.” Rey panted. 

“Well we’re not waiting around to find out. You go down first.”

They picked their way down and Ben silently inquired whether Rey was feeling any better. 

“A bit,” she answered. She had that wrung-out feeling from throwing up, but away from the Sith artifact she was definitely improving. After a few minutes, Ben put his arm around her and she felt him concentrating. A cool sensation started to wash over the acid sick feeling in her throat. Soon, her skin felt less clammy and she was starting to feel pretty good. She opened her eyes when she heard a belch from Ben.

“Are you ok?”

“Ugh, yes. It’s not that bad. I definitely absorbed some of the energy that was making you sick, though.”

“Why didn’t it affect you in the first place?”

“I’m more used to the dark side, I think. With the two holocrons in the same place, I was sensing the Force more strongly, but not out of balance. I’ve never actually seen a Sith holocron but I’ve seen them described in texts. They can have that effect on Force-sensitive people who aren’t used to it. Sorry about that, but holocrons are the last thing I expected my dad to stash on some remote planet.”

“It certainly brings up some questions.”

“I’m not sure we’ll get any real answers. But we need to decide what to do with them.”

“Do we have to do anything with the dark holocron? Can’t we just leave it there?”

“Well, there is one thing…” he trailed off.

“Just spit it out.” Rey sighed.

“I’ve seen it written that if you open a Jedi holocron and a Sith holocron at the same time, you can get an answer to whatever you ask.”

“Whoa.” 

“Exactly. So we could probably learn a lot about our dyad, our powers together, how we can use them, but there are risks.”

“Such as?”

“Well, the Sith holocron has to be opened by someone strong with the dark side. I wasn’t affected by it just now, but…”

“You don’t know if you want to risk opening the Sith holocron yourself.”

“Yeah,” he said, quietly. “I just came back from the dark side. I’m afraid to fall into it again.”

“Well we don’t need to decide now.” Rey soothed. “We don’t need to use it at all.”

“But if it gets us to our goal, it could be worth the risk.”

“Ben, we’re nowhere near ready to make this decision. Let’s put it to the side and think about other things. Like: do you want to spar?” 

“I couldn’t think of a better idea.” Ben smiled down at her.


	27. Chapter 27

Sparring in a place bigger than the cargo hold was definitely much more fun than their first tentative try. Ben suggested several ideas to test their combined powers in combat: relying on the other’s senses, sending power to each other, trying to extend their innate Force-given ability to see a tiny bit into the future. They discovered that they could help one another boost their speed, increase their Force-jump, or lift heavier objects than they’d previously attempted. The energy-sharing wasn’t one way, either. Rey discovered that she could give a little pull and draw on Ben’s energy when he hadn’t intended to send her any.

“Neat,” he said. “We can Force drain without harming each other.”

“I promise to be careful,” she said, cheekily.

Over the next few weeks, they discovered that they could easily amplify their shared abilities to an almost limitless degree. One of them using a Force ability quickly granted the other the same ability, even if they hadn’t been able to do that before.

“It’s a good thing you’re so strong at Force healing,” Ben smiled. “I was never very good at it before you used it on me, but somehow I knew it would work when I tried it on you.”

“Is there any kind of skill I can pull from you? We’ve been experimenting a lot with neutral or light side abilities, but we can’t keep the balance if we avoid the dark altogether.” Ben looked a little uncomfortable, but waited for her to finish her thought. “Are there some that could have a non-harmful application, or maybe that aren’t so dangerous?”

“Well, we could practice the saber throw. It uses dark abilities to, uh, most effectively alter the path of a thrown saber in combat. In the right circumstance, it could be useful.”

“Such as?”

“Hopefully we’d use it to effectively end a confrontation, not cut down swathes of hapless troopers on a battlefield.”

“Yikes.”

“I wonder if something like a Force choke could be used to stop bleeding…”

“It’s an interesting idea, at least.”

“And I think you used a version of the memory walk on me when I showed you that memory on our journey here.”  
“What’s a memory walk?"  
“It was also known as torture by chagrin. Forcing someone to relive their worst memories, most humiliating moments. But you didn’t use it to torment me, you helped me examine my actions and help me heal.”

“I did?”

“Yes. I didn’t use it on anyone else as extensively as Snoke did on me, but I know how to do it well enough. It seems like we don’t have to be aware that we’re transferring powers to each other, then.”

“Sometimes I feel like a padawan on her first day when you get talking, Ben.” Rey sounded a little downcast.

“Hey, don’t take it like that. I spent my whole life developing my powers, I had the “guidance” (she could hear the ironic twist in his voice, referring to the failed methods of both Luke and Palpatine) of some of the galaxy’s most powerful and learned Masters, spent countless hours in combat and practice and meditation, and you bested me the first time you picked up a saber.”

“I’m still not sure how I did that…” Rey trailed off, a little uncomfortable.

“Right before you counter-attacked, back on Starkiller, I felt you pulling the most powerful center of body I’ve ever experienced. It was like the Force was a waterfall pouring into you and you were absorbing all of it. I was too mesmerized to even protect myself and run.”

“Oh,” Rey said, weakly.

“Rey, all the studying I did on both sides of the Force just makes me better at describing what we can do. And I like figuring things out, understanding the beauty of the Force as we unlock it. I’m not actually any better at this stuff than you.” Rey’s face bloomed with a smile and he was forced to bend down and kiss her. “But I think we’ve figured out another key principle: abilities may draw from the light or the dark side, but how they are used -to maintain, preserve, appraise- is what will keep us in balance.”

“I think we can do that.” She smiled again and kissed him back.

***

They avoided the subject of the holocrons for a long time. The idea that an unlimited source of knowledge was theirs for the taking was hard to resist, but what if the price was too high? They had been on Balnab long enough for the season to start to turn, warm days and mild evenings giving way to frosty mornings and chilly nights. They had made a couple of successful supply runs without running into any trouble; Rey didn’t receive any more messages from the Resistance. 

Their meditations had taken on a new degree of complexity. They had already explored themselves, each other, the flow of the Force around and through them, but for a while they had been focused on time. They had dug into some of Rey’s past, confirming many of the things they’d learned, but also just experiencing the deep and desperate love her parents had for her. It was difficult, but Rey was glad to do it. They also helped each other work through their more difficult shared memories. Sometimes Ben felt like he was poking at a sore tooth, like everything was sore. Rey was very good at nudging him back on track, though. It was hard to break the habit of condemning himself, of letting his shame subsume him, but Rey would ask an incisive question or soothe his worry that she’d hate him and he was getting better at doing it for himself.

One warm autumn day, they had started to meditate, relaxing into the flow of the Force around them and into each other when suddenly they felt a strange sensation, like they had stepped outside of the flow of the universe and were waiting for the danger to reveal itself. Something was coming. Something important.

 _“This is new,”_ Rey opened. Ben murmured his agreement. They searched out with their feelings, first the planet, then further into the Balnab system. 

_“A ship,”_ Ben said, unnecessarily.

 _“Chewie!”_ Rey couldn’t help her excitement, but she also felt Ben’s dread. _“It’s just Chewie. He’s alone. It’s going to be ok.”_

 _“But I haven’t seen Chewie since…”_ She felt Ben’s grief and shame about Han again, almost as strongly as the first time he’d shared it with her. _“I don’t know if I’m ready to be with other people again. You understand me, you listen to me, you love me. There’s nobody else left who does.”_

Her heart clenched a little bit, feeling his fear and sadness. _“Chewie loves you.”_

Rey ignored a petulant little snort from Ben. _“He shot me with a bowcaster.”_

 _“And I stabbed you through the lung. He loves you. I can tell from here, and you can too if you just listen.”_ She paused for a moment, breathing calmly and reaching out into the stream of the Force. Soon, she felt Ben relax a little and join her. _“Look,”_ she said, indicating a mass of shining threads that swirled around them. Easiest to see was the thick, twisted rope of their bond, shining with love and pulsing with life. Ben was looking at her with tenderness and awe, again overwhelmed by the strength of their connection. _“Keep going,”_ she urged, and felt his attention follow some of the other threads that flowed away from her. They mostly led to members of the Resistance, especially the former stormtrooper, but there were others with different qualities. He explored them for a moment and was surprised to find that some led to his mother, to Luke, to her parents, and even to that weird little BB unit. Bonds that transcended death and even sentience. But that was Rey, beautiful, fierce, easy-to-love Rey, not him. _“Look again, Ben.”_ True, there were fewer strands stretching away from him, but he gasped to notice that they were there. And sure enough, one of them led right to Chewie, his paw frozen as it reached for a switch on the control panel of his shuttle.

 _“Chewie… loves me.”_ He said, weakly. This revelation shook him, made him question some fundamental assumptions about himself that he had held for a long time. _“It’s going to be ok.”_ With the release of some of his tension, they felt time start to slip forward again, Chewie resuming his progress in his shuttle, landing on the planet, shutting down the engines. 

Together, they surfaced from their meditation and carefully lowered themselves to the ground, blinking in the warm afternoon sun. Rey could feel Ben squaring his shoulders, filling with worry again as he felt Chewie approach; she wound her arm around his waist, leaning into him and opening her end of the bond as fully as she could, washing him with calm and love and faith. She felt a little loosening of Ben’s shields, and then a fuller opening to her, showing her his fear and his hope. The sound of Chewie’s long, loping stride on the rocky ground of the canyon appeared in the distance, steadily growing nearer. Then, he spotted them and let out that familiar roar of greeting and Rey felt relief flooding Ben’s emotions.

“Hey, Uncle Chewie,” he said weakly. “It’s good to see you.”


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Due to my lack of facility with Shyriiwook, Chewie's dialog is italicized. You can imagine the howling, if you like.

Chewie’s hugs had not gotten any gentler, Ben found himself thinking as the Wookiee enveloped him in a crushing hold and lifted him off the ground. It was both humbling and deeply nostalgic; he felt like a little boy again. Ben had been taller than his mom since he was eleven and taller than his dad since fourteen, but being hugged by Chewie was as enveloping and, yes, as loving as it was when he was a kid. Rey took her turn in Chewbacca’s enthusiastic embrace and squealed with delight. Ben’s first thought was to be a little jealous, but this was his uncle Chewie, and he’d long known how much Rey cared for the Wookiee.

 _You don’t seem surprised to see me,_ Chewie indicated, putting Rey down.

“We saw you coming,” Ben replied, cryptically. “I’d ask how you found us, but…”

_I needed some time after the battle at Exegol. Rey knows. But she said you were alive, and after the princess… I couldn’t leave you out there, so I started searching our old hideouts._

Rey and Ben looked at each other. “Did you tell anyone what you were doing?” Rey asked.

“Or where you were going?” Ben added.

_Of course not. This is family business first._

Ben was surprisingly touched to hear Chewie refer to him as family, but he did not miss the significant look in Chewbacca’s startling blue eyes. The Wookiee knew that he and Rey had been intertwined for some time, then.

“But it’s not going to stay that way,” Rey inferred. Chewie growled his agreement.

“How long do you think we have?” Ben asked.

_It’s hard to say, Chewie replied. You two haven’t exactly been keeping a low profile._

“Things seem to keep happening…” Rey muttered, not happy to have her anxieties confirmed.

 _But Balnab is a good hideout. Nobody ever found us here._ Chewie looked at them seriously. _What are you two doing here?_ He asked. _I’ve been on the run before; you can’t keep it up forever._

“How much do you know about the Force, uncle Chewie?” Ben asked.

 _I know it’s real, and that you let yourself lose sight of everything else because of it._

Ben huffed, and Rey put a hand on his arm. 

Ben took a deep breath and nodded. “No, you’re right. I have done a lot of horrible things, including to you, and I’m sorry.” Chewie sadly murmured in acknowledgement. “Things were really wrong with me for a long time. As far back as I could remember, I was hearing voices in my head. Violent voices, demeaning, cajoling, manipulative. Less than a year ago, I learned that the voices were all Emperor Palpatine.” Chewie suddenly roared ferociously. “In addition to that -and this is also something I only recently learned- I was missing half my soul.” Chewie growled in confusion. “Rey.” Ben clarified. “Rey and I are a dyad in the force. Two that are one. All those years I tried desperately to be the light I was supposed to be, but it was like trying to fly a fighter with one engine. I was inherently unstable. Powerful, yes, but fatally flawed.” He leaned into Rey and she leaned back. “Together, we can do things that even I can hardly believe. But more importantly than that, we’re bringing balance to the Force. I know it all probably sounds ridiculous…”

Chewie waved a paw dismissively. _You see a lot of things in 235 years, kid._ His father’s term of endearment hit him like a blow to the chest and he blinked back a tear.

“So will you help us, Chewie?” Rey asked hopefully.

 _It would be better if you came in on your own,_ Chewie warned.

“We will,” Rey confirmed. “We have a plan…”

Ben cut in “which we’d like your advice on…”

Rey nodded quickly “but we have one more thing to deal with before we go, and you are probably the only person who could help.”

 _The princess would say that the Force works in mysterious ways,_ Chewie opined, with mock seriousness. _How can I help?_

Ben took a deep breath and went right to the heart of it. “Uncle Chewie, why did Dad have a Jedi holocron and a Sith holocron? And why did he stash them on Balnab?”

***

Chewie told them it was a long story, so Ben fetched some jogan fruit juice and joined Rey and the Wookiee in the shade of the Falcon. Chewie’s story, like anything involving Han, was just the shady side of legal and full of close calls. In the years after the war, they had gone back to smuggling, not because they had to, but because Han was made for it. He wasn’t happy unless he was outrunning the authorities or outsmarting pirates, which made things at home a little awkward because his wife essentially _was_ the authorities.

Though they should have known better after what picking up Obi Wan Kenobi and Luke Skywalker got them into, sometimes they still took on passengers who didn’t want to go by the usual transports. Maybe it was someone looking to avoid certain “familial organizations,” or those who needed to be somewhere fast without too many questions asked. It was a little surprising when Luke Skywalker, of all people, asked them to discreetly transport someone to an isolated system neither one of them had heard of before, and to make sure that they avoided any and all identity checkpoints, spaceport registrations, and appearing in the logs of any other ships.

The passenger didn’t talk much, just asked them to wait while he went exploring a cave system. They spent a few days waiting for the guy in some mountainous wastelands, growing more anxious to be on their way with every hour. Then, one evening, as soon as they had given in to the inevitability of waiting yet another day for the mystery man, he appeared with a sack over his shoulder, claiming he didn’t care where they had to go next, they could just let him off at the next convenient spaceport. They had put in at one of the worlds they worked out of sometimes, something like Tatooine in terms of general isolation and savoriness, hoping to pick up their next job. As soon as they disembarked at the dock, a group of hooded figures swarmed the mysterious passenger and tried to hustle him off. Han and Chewie had tried to defend him, feeling a sense of loyalty to Luke’s strange friend, but they barely had a chance to start with the gang before the local port authorities showed up and tried to detain him, too. All three groups were yelling at one another, Chewie had belted one of the hooded thugs into a wall for making a grab at the traveler, and the port security had gone for their blasters when the man suddenly agreed to go with the authorities. Han and Chewie had both been stunned.

 _And get this,_ Chewie added, _later, when we got a job and were loading up the hidden compartments, we found his bag and inside it was a box with those two things. We showed them to Luke and he told us to hide them. He never even told us what they were._ The Wookiee shrugged. _You can guess the rest._

“So Luke just told you to hold onto some holocrons?” Ben repeated, confused. “And never wanted them back?” Chewie indicated his mutual puzzlement. “Luke and I spent years hunting down holocrons and other relics. We only ever found a handful, and he had two sitting on Balnab the whole time?”

Chewie shrugged expansively, as if to say, _He didn’t make a habit of explaining himself._

“If any Force ghosts want to contribute to this conversation, we’re listening.” Rey tried, somewhat tartly. When no departed Jedi appeared, she continued, ticking off ideas on her fingers. “There are several possibilities: he could have wanted them out of other people’s hands, never intending to use them himself. He might have worried that they’d be dangerous if he used them. Or maybe he meant to come back for them later but never did.”

“Or,” Ben sighed wearily, scouring his face with his palm, “the Force was leaving them for us to find.” He twisted his mouth in the kind of pique he rarely indulged in anymore. “Once you stop believing that the Force has ordained your destiny to rule the galaxy, it’s hard not to feel jerked around by it, sometimes.” Rey snorted a cynical little laugh and Chewie made an amused sort of growl. “I think we need to do it, then. We need to open the holocrons.”

Rey was not amused at this pronouncement. “Isn’t that a bit fatalistic, Ben? That’s only one possible conclusion and I’m still not ready to rush into it.”

“I’m not any happier about it than you, Rey.” 

“Then let’s just leave them be! We had a plan before we found the holocrons and you’re the one who was always so sure we didn’t need to deviate from it.”

“But what if this is the thing that can save us? Can save the galaxy? I have paid as high a price as anyone to the whims of the Force, but I am as sure as ever that it has intentions for us.”

“We don’t need to be saved, we saved each other! And haven’t we done enough for the galaxy by killing my grandfather? Kriff the galaxy!” She was on her feet now, pacing.

Chewie’s confused wail was cut off by Ben’s curt “we’ll explain later.” He continued, “is it not as obvious to you as it is to me? The Force wants us together for a reason. We need to understand that reason to fulfill it.”

“I thought you no longer believed in a Force-ordained destiny,” Ray fairly spat at him. He stood, too, unable to remain passive against her agitation.

“Not to rule the galaxy! But what about the last few months could make you believe that we aren’t destined for something? No, it’s not easy when the Force intends something for you, but that doesn’t make it less real.”

“Do you hear yourself, Ben? You know I won’t go there with you.”

“Go where?! There’s no throne for us to sit on anymore, and you know I wouldn't want it! The only place I want to be is with you, and not at the wrong end of an executioner’s blaster!”

“We can run, Ben! Please, just leave with me! We don’t owe anyone anything, not after what we did on Exegol.”

“You know that’s not true, Rey. I need to atone for what I have done. And I won’t leave you. Not after we came so close…” his voice cracked with emotion and he took a breath. “I have felt what it was like when you were dead. I won’t do that to you.” 

“Don’t you dare pull the death card on me, Ben,” she snarled, then suddenly stopped and took a few deep breaths. She reached out to put her hand over his heart. ‘Ben, we need to stop. It’s like before.”

“You’re right,” he sighed, unwinding some of the tension in his frame. “We can talk about this later, when we’ve both cooled off.” He reached out to pull her into his embrace.

“No it’s ok, I can trust your intuition. But I’m opening the dark holocron.” He opened his mouth to object. “You have to give me that. I won’t agree to anything else.”

“Rey, you can’t even get near the thing,” he protested, pushing back a little bit to look into her face with pleading eyes.

“Then I guess we have some more training to do,” she tipped her chin up at him. “I need to understand more about the dark side.”

“Please, don’t ask me to teach you the dark side. I don’t know if I can stand it.”

“If you won’t, I’ll do it myself.” In that moment, Ben was so proud of Rey. Afraid for her, and maybe a little bit afraid of her, but so proud of her ferocity. “You know that we can’t avoid it forever. You know it.” She waited, feeling him hesitate. “You’re the one that won’t run.”

“Ok, Rey, ok. We’ll do it your way.”

“Hey, opening the holocrons is your way. My way is spacing out of here. But if we’re going to do it your way, we’re going to do your way my way.”

He pulled her back against his body, chuckling at the way she enveloped herself in passionate darkness already, kissing the top of her head. “You’re going to be an excellent student of the dark side, and that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate it when they fight and I love writing arguments between them. Wtf.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I throw myself on your mercy and beg forgiveness. Social distancing is hard.

They filled Chewie in on the details of their hopes to build a new, balanced future for the Force in exchange for Ben’s freedom. 

_That’s not all you have to offer, you know._ Chewie added. _You could provide plenty of hard intelligence they would want. A lot of higher-level First Order officers went to ground with a star destroyer or two._ Chewie was in favor of them going in sooner, rather than later. _You can negotiate better if you’re not cornered,_ he rumbled. 

“I think we need to start with Finn,” Rey said. “He tried to reach out to me, and I feel awful that I haven’t responded.” Ben flicked his gaze over to her, feeling the quick swirl of darkness, her love for her friend and her sadness at what she felt was a betrayal. 

_“Put that to the side,”_ he soothed to her. _“Let it settle.”_ Rey nodded back.

Rey took a breath. “We’ll need to keep moving. We can use a random coordinate generator to select our destinations. Even we won’t know where we’re headed next.”

 _That’s risky,_ Chewie replied, voicing what they all knew.

“If we don’t keep moving, the Resistance will easily track our transmissions. It’s not just Rose and Kaydel anymore, they’ll have plenty of new talent to dedicate to finding us.”

“Finding me.” Ben corrected, and Rey shot him a look, not liking his implication at all. "Hey, it’s an option. If you go in and I run, you could negotiate without that threat over your head.” 

“If you think I am letting you out of my sight while there’s a bounty on you…” Rey growled. 

_I’ll make first contact,_ Chewie volunteered. _They’ll listen to me._

They strategized for a while, working out the details of a proposal under which Ben and Rey would appear to negotiate with the new government.

 _They’ll have counter-proposals,_ Chewie warned. _We’ll have to cloak and encrypt a key that we can use to communicate without revealing your location. And I should take the Falcon. The entire galaxy is looking for it already._

They spent the next few days making preparations to leave Balnab. Ben packed up the Sith holocron in the box they had found it in and entrusted it to Chewie, who as a non-Force-sensitive creature wasn’t affected by it. 

“I don’t think we can keep it far enough away from Rey in your shuttle,” Ben explained. “And I don’t want to rush the dark side skills she’ll need to approach it.” Chewie also agreed to keep it a secret.

They transferred as much fuel and supplies as they could from the Falcon to Chewie’s shuttle, the Shyyyo. Being built for a Wookiee, it wasn’t tiny, but it was smaller than what they were used to. There was a decent-sized cargo area, now full of their supplies, a Wookiee-sized bunk, a galley that was about as small as you could expect Chewie to fit in, and of course, a dejarik table with some comfortable, if large, chairs around it. Any ship of Chewie’s would have a dejarik table. The flight controls were also sized for a Wookiee, so much that it was difficult for Rey to operate them. Luckily, Ben didn’t mind being tasked with most of the flying.

As they were about to make their departure, Rey asked for a few minutes and disappeared into the Falcon, saying she had to make a holo for Finn. Again, Ben felt her anger and sadness over her friends’ role in pursuing him, and her conflict over not staying in contact with them. He resolved to talk about that with her as soon as possible. 

Rey’s absence left him alone with Chewie for the first time, the weight of everything that he had done to hurt his lifelong friend, his uncle, his family, seeming to fall between them like a stone. 

“Uncle Chewie,” Ben began, voice thick with emotion. “I know I can never make it right, but I am so sorry for everything. I know that you went through things with Mom and Dad and Uncle Luke that I can never understand, and that my actions took them away from you. I killed my father, and my mother and uncle died trying to stop me. Sorry doesn’t even come close to what I feel.” 

Chewie spoke softly. _Luke once said about Vader that the Force doesn’t hold a grudge. He came back before the end, and that was the hardest and most important thing. Humans come and go so quickly. I had fifty good years with your dad; less with your mom and Luke, but still, many years. I won’t waste my time with you, and not just because you’re all that’s left of them._ Chewie paused. _Though maybe that won’t be the case forever,_ he added, with a glint in his eye.

“Our kids will be the first humans with a Wookiee grandparent, I can promise you that.” Ben said with a kind of rough, choking laugh. “But don’t hold your breath. There’s a lot that has to go right between here and there.” He was able to force a smile.

 _It took you less than ten years to come around. That’s not much for a Wookiee. I can wait a little longer._

As Chewie wrapped Ben in another one of his overwhelming hugs, Ben felt a renewed hope that he and Rey would succeed. That it wasn’t just the two of them and a nebulous promise for a better future against everything he’d done, but that he had other allies, too. He didn’t feel fully deserving of the love he found himself the recipient of, but he did feel a gratitude that had eluded him in his youth. He had a family, one that loved him. He wouldn’t throw that away again.

***  
In the cockpit of the Falcon, Rey sat in the copilot’s seat and tried to compose herself. She had already decided to record a message rather than make a direct connection, giving herself a way to avoid an outright fight. With a few centering breaths, she pushed the darkness away from herself a bit, giving the light room to move in as well. Before she could lose her nerve, she began.

“Hey Finn, I know this will all sound strange to you, but I hope that you can hear what I have to say. First, I want you to know that I’m safe and I’m happy… really happy, actually. I told you some of what happened on Exegol, but not the whole story. The heart of it all is that Ben Solo and I have had a complicated relationship for a while, now. We have a connection in the Force, it’s powerful, and for a long time it was as terrifying to me as it was special. I know you’re probably screaming something about Kylo Ren at the projector right now, and you’re not wrong. But I’m more like him than I ever let on, and in the end, he was more like me, too. You know that Ben helped me defeat Palpatine and save the fleet, but what I didn’t tell you was that it killed me, I died, and he brought me back. The details aren’t important, but a while ago, the Force brought us back together. And we are together, in a relationship.

“There is something that I need to apologize for, though. I didn’t get your last message until a few days after it was sent, and it was my own fault for being wrapped up in what was going on with Ben. I should have had more attention for our friendship, and I’m sorry for that. There’s a lot more that we have to talk about, and I hope that we can be together soon to do it.

“It’s up to you whether you want to share this message with Rose and Poe, but I want you all to know you have my love. You were my first friend, Finn, and I won’t lose sight of that again. Goodbye, but hopefully not for long.”

Rey ended the recording and let out a shaky breath. Suddenly she felt so tired. She made her way down the ramp of the Falcon and saw Chewie assailing Ben with another one of his massive hugs. It couldn’t help but make her feel a little better. Chewie was on their side and he would help bring the others around. Putting on a weak smile, she stepped up for her own Wookiee-sized embrace and within minutes they were airborne, hurtling into an uncertain future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our babies are back on the horse and hopefully I am too. Stay safe out there.


	30. Chapter 30

Life on the run was harder than either of them had expected. The excitement of finally doing something faded within a few days into a paradoxically anxious boredom. Rey was itching for something to do, something to fix, something to fight, but all she had to do was wait. She was continually restraining herself from tearing into Ben over the stupidest things, knowing there would be no satisfaction at the end of an argument over what order he primed the compressors in or whose hair was in the ‘fresher drain. It was obviously his hair anyway. Any idiot could see that. But where would that argument lead? They couldn’t work it out with their shiny new sabers. If she stared shouting she’d probably never stop.

Ben was increasingly avoidant as the days passed. While Rey’s frustration was boiling over, a geyser of emotion flooding the Force, he was becoming more withdrawn. He knew that Rey could feel the way he narrowed their connection, not with impenetrable walls, but by secreting away entire swaths of his emotions, leaving him flat and disconnected in her perception. 

The biggest point of contention was training on the dark side.

“We’re already unbalanced. It would be reckless to start playing with the dark side right now.” Ben argued.

“If we’re supposed to be the balance in the Force and we can’t even balance ourselves, what the kriff are we even doing, Ben?”

“We’ll find the balance, but not like this. It’s going to take a lifetime for us to even begin to discover whether we can really do it, a few weeks in a tiny shuttlecraft isn’t going to make a difference either way.”

“Do you think I’m incapable? Do you think I can’t handle the darkness? You can handle both dark and light and I can’t?”

“That’s exactly the point! I couldn’t handle the darkness! I will teach you, but not here. Not when we’re at sabers drawn over who forgot to wash the caf pot.” Rey looked at him then, a fire blazing behind her eyes. She drew a breath to throw a retort at him but stopped herself and spun on her heel. “Where are you going?” He called almost desperately, suddenly panicked to see her walk away.

“To wash the caf pot!” 

Ben let her go feeling rattled, but he would be kidding himself if he didn’t feel a bit of satisfaction at her washing the caf pot. Within a few minutes, the enraged crashing sounds from the galley subsided and he heard Rey stomp off toward the cargo hold. He headed for the cockpit, almost sick with the feeling that he needed to put some distance between himself and Rey. For the last few months, he hadn’t wanted to be separated from her by even an arm’s length. Now they were getting into pointless little arguments over everything and nothing. He had no idea how much time a “normal” couple should want to spend together. His parents had spent a lot of time apart, between his mother’s politics and his father’s smuggling. That hadn’t turned out so well. His grandparents, too, had been driven apart by the strain of duty and secrecy, leading to Anakin’s fall to the dark. Is that what was in store for them? He wasn’t sure what he feared more, going back there himself, or being unable to keep Rey from that fate. Or would they drive each other there, a maelstrom of fear, jealousy, and passion? He shuddered, then decided this was probably a decent time to meditate. It had to be better than this.

Rey returned the now-clean caf pot to the hot plate and summoned a towel to dry her hands. She wasn’t in the habit of using the Force for mere convenience, but she was frustrated and edgy and ready to be done with this stupid chore. If Ben wanted her to wash the kriffing caf pot, he could kriffing well ask her, could’t he? She headed to the cargo hold to try and get a few moments to herself. She couldn’t breathe in this tiny shuttle, barely pausing between jump points before heading for the next destination, hardly ever even glimpsing a planet, let alone stopping on one. With a sigh, she threw herself down on one of the crates and pulled her legs up beneath her, her eyes slipping shut. It was difficult to clear her mind and calm her body, her breathing was agitated and old resentments kept bubbling to the surface. 

Despite her conciliatory message to Finn, she was still upset at the Resistance. And she was resentful of her former mentors’ silence. Yes, she and Ben had a unique situation, but did that mean that Leia and Luke had nothing to contribute? She knew that Master Kenobi had appeared to Luke countless times to guide him. Was she not worth more than a single appearance in which they didn’t even speak to her? And Ben! Why was he avoiding the very thing he was apparently willing to risk everything for? Really, she was never going to make any headway like this. Instead of looking out and seeing the Force in all things, all she could do is focus on her own hurts. 

The bond had picked more awkward times to open, but not in a long time. Rey felt that now slightly unfamiliar rushing sensation and opened her eyes to see Ben seated in front of her. He opened his eyes, too, a wary look on his face.

“I guess we don’t actually have the luxury of arguing about this,” Rey opened.

“I guess not.” He drew in a deep breath and let it out noisily, he sounded irritated but she felt a little of his tension loosen. 

“Is it weird that I feel scolded? I don’t think I’ve ever been scolded like this before.”

“So what’s the problem, from the Force’s point of view?” Ben was practically required to pick apart the tiny quirks and grand plans of the Force. “It hasn’t intervened like this in anything we’ve done up until now… so what’s changed?”

“We’re off the path somehow. Maybe we’re not exploring all aspects of our dyad in the Force. Maybe we’re too cut off from the living Force in hyperspace.”

Ben looked at her seriously. “I think we need to go in. I don’t think we can do this isolated from everything and everyone. I know you don’t like it, I know. But we’ve put ourselves back in the half-life. Waiting for things to happen instead of doing them.”

“If I do agree to contact the Resistance, we’re not just dropping out of hyperspace and shooting off a holo. We need to talk to Chewie first, at a minimum. He said he’d make contact if he had any news… can we make it a few more days? A week?” Rey tried not to sound like she was begging, but she knew she was.

“Why don’t you come up here and we’ll see where we are. Maybe we can find a nice quiet planet to spend a few days on.”

Rey agreed and quietly made her way to the flight deck, the door opening in front of her with a soft whoosh. Ben was sitting in the pilot’s seat, which he had turned toward her.

“Hey,” she said, softly.

“Hi,” he said back, holding out his arms. She wanted to stay angry, really she did, but she knew he was making a peace offering and it took the fight out of her. She walked shakily into his embrace. He drew her close and rested his cheek on her stomach. “I don’t think you’re incapable. Far from it. I’m just scared. I’m sorry.”

“I’m scared too. Scared of losing you.” 

“Any messages yet?” He asked, knowing the answer.

“No. I thought Finn would have gotten back to me by now. I really messed up with him. I just never had a friend before, never been in love before…” he grinned up at her, in spite of her serious tone, and she flashed a small smile back. “I don’t know how to handle it all.”

“I haven’t had a friend in a decade, unless you count my knights, which would be a stretch. And even if you did, well…” he gave a little wry chuckle. “At least you never chopped up your friends with a lightsaber.” 

“Ben!” Rey scolded. “I think it’s safe to say we both have room for improvement.” She took a breath and changed the subject. “So, where are we?”

Ben peered at the nav computer and barked a little laugh. “We’re about an hour from Duneeden, actually.”

“Ben! We’re practically on top of the new galactic government at Coruscant!” 

“That might not be a bad thing,” he mused. “Do you think they’d look right under their noses?” 

“Finn and Poe might not, but that’s what they’re paying the bounty hunters for,” Rey countered.

“I think it’s safe to assume nobody knows we’ve changed ships. Chewie is going to make sure that people keep sighting the Falcon to keep them off our trail, but he’s also not stupid enough to message our pursuers from there and let them know we’re not aboard.” Rey raised her eyebrows at him, urging him to get to the point. “So let’s find a quiet place on Duneeden and stay for a few days.”

“What kind of place?”

“There’s all kinds of cottages and retreats there, we can pick something out of the way.”

“You mean like break in?” Rey was a little embarrassed at the horrified tone in her voice.

Ben scoffed a little laugh. “So we’ll leave one of Dad’s credit chips behind in payment. It’ll be fine. We’re just borrowing it for a few days.”

Rey raised her eyebrow at him but quickly subsided. “I suppose… but just for a few days. It might even be… fun?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the kids are going on a much deserved vacation.


	31. Chapter 31

Duneeden was at the apogee of its eccentric orbit, plunging most of the planet into a cold and snowy winter. It was beautiful, if inhospitable, but that suited their purposes just fine. They avoided the few villages but eventually found a small wooden dwelling that looked like a wilderness cabin of some kind. There was enough tree cover to hide the Shyyyo from aerial scrutiny, a small brook flowing nearby for water, and no evidence of sentient creatures for hundreds of kilometers.

Breaking into a somewhat derelict old cottage was much more fun than being stuck in a fifteen-meter shuttle with Rey and a whole galaxy’s worth of tension, Ben reflected. He hoped that they could relax a little bit here, outside of the confines of the ship, and get back to some of the comfortable trust they’d built on Tatooine. Concentrating, he felt out the shapes of the ancient mechanical lock on the rear door of the structure and rotated the tumblers into position. The bolt retracted with a scrape and the door swung noisily inward under his touch. The cottage wasn’t much, but it wasn’t a shuttlecraft in hyperspace, and that counted for a lot. The lower level housed some rudimentary mechanical systems, shelves of stable rations, and a workbench with tools that would be useful in the forest surrounding them.

The main floor was a single large room that housed the kitchen, a dining table, and a sleeping area, with a basic but serviceable ‘fresher carved out of one rear corner. Large windows and a balcony that ran the length of the cottage overlooked the wooded valley below, devoid of any other structures. Heat was provided by an honest-to-Force wood-fired cookstove, which gave Rey a moment of pause. 

“So you set trees on fire in that? And then you can cook with it? Suit yourself, I guess.”

“We can cut some wood and I can cook. Don’t worry, it’ll be great.” His inner lumberjack was clearly relishing the adventure already. He grinned at Rey. “It’ll be nice and warm, and it smells good. You bring in some more supplies and I’ll go find some firewood.”

“I’ll look at the power generation unit, too. That should get us some light and hot water, at least.” 

The generator didn’t actually need much work to get going, and as soon as it was functional, Rey heard the creak of the water heating unit start up right away. Feeling a little restless, even with her appointed tasks done, she decided to go look for Ben. She heard him before she saw him, churning through knee deep snow and towing a five-meter-long tree branch behind him. He was grinning excitedly and his cheeks were flushed with the cold. He’d been out of the ship for less than an hour and already his mood was better.

“There’s a huge fallen tree not a hundred meters from here. More than enough fuel for a few days.” 

Rey mostly watched as he shaped the wood into shorter lengths with woodworking tools she didn’t recognize, though she did make note of how they were used. Ben made a few more trips out to the fallen tree for more material and she gave the tools a try. Sectioning the wood took strength but it wasn’t difficult, and she took the job over. Together, they piled the wood sections next to the rear door of the cottage, and Ben led the way inside with his arms full of fuel.

“Do you think you can light the stove? You’ve seen me summon fire before, but you’ve never done it, right?” Concentrating, Rey thought back to the time Ben had lit the fire in the cave on Tatooine, after their speeder breakdown. Replaying the memory, she felt the shape of the Force as he had used it to manipulate the firewood. Holding out her hand, she concentrated on the pieces of wood that he had laid in the belly of the stove. Within a few moments, they burst into flame and she opened her eyes to find Ben grinning at her.

“You’re a natural,” he said with a twinkle. “I’m going to make myself useful and cook us something.”

“You’re very useful, Ben,” Rey protested. 

“You know what I mean. I like to do things for you. It makes me feel grounded. Connected to someone else like I hadn’t been since maybe Luke’s temple.” Rey suppressed a shiver in the still-cold interior of the cottage. “Why don’t you get under the covers; I’ll make soup.”

Without protest -it was freezing, especially for a desert girl- Rey crawled under the covers and huddled in a little ball. 

“It would be warmer with you in here,” she shivered a bit, but her voice was playful.

“But then we’d never eat,” Ben flirted back, his eyes hungry.

“Food or sex, Ben Solo’s greatest dilemma,” Rey laughed.

“But if I’m patient, I’m betting I can have both…” Now his gaze was positively scorching. Rey smiled back and pulled a flap of blanket up over her head.

Within a few minutes, Ben had put together some sort of salty broth and briefly cooked finely sliced vegetables and some long, thin noodles in it. A quick search revealed some bowls, which he filled and brought over to Rey in the bed.

“I won’t make you get out just when you got the covers warm,” he murmured down at her.

After a few moments’ companionable slurping, Rey started to feel that sleepy weight to her limbs that comes with warming up after a deep chill. Between the soup, Ben’s body heat, and the blankets, she was warm for the first time in hours. When they had finished, Ben took their bowls back to the kitchen, then returned to Rey in the bed with a comfortable, unhurried kiss. They gently undressed one another -Ben stashed Rey’s clothes under her pillow to keep warm- and boneless with warmth and the rediscovered contentment of their bond, rapidly fell asleep in each other’s arms.

When they woke in the night, they didn’t hesitate to reach for each other, eager to forget the arguments they’d had while trapped in the shuttle. Rey reached out her hand to stroke Ben’s cheek, murmuring gently, “I missed this.”

Ben pressed his lips to her palm, then sighed back, “all I want is to love you. To be with you for the rest of my days. To have some children, and cherish them, to make a home. I’m sorry that my past means it’s harder than just finding a little house somewhere and making some babies.”

“I never had a picture in my mind of those things happening for myself. No parents, no house, it was just me. None of those things were real for me until I met you. But you’re real, and you’re mine, and we will make our future together.” She snugged her body closer to his, rolling her center against his thigh. 

“My parents loved each other. I know that in my mind, but my heart never really saw it. When you grow up in an unhappy home, that ideal is just the most precious thing. I want to give you that, beloved. So badly.” Now he was rutting back against her, too, feeling her folds becoming slicker with the soft words and bold touches.

Rey hooked her foot over Ben’s calf and rolled to her back, pulling him on top of her. Without hesitation, he followed, plunging into her welcoming body in the same fluid motion. She gripped his ass, pulling him deeper, moaning his name, driving him wild.

“Do you see it, my love?” He murmured. “Tell me you’ve seen it. Tell me you want it.” His thrusts punctuating his words.

“The first time we touched.” Rey panted. “That’s why I came to you.” He groaned in reply.

Their climax was building fast, stoked by their tender words after weeks of harsh ones. “Please, beloved, please, say it will be soon. I need you, I need it so much.” He babbled into her hair.

“Yes, my love, soon. I can see it. Soon. I love you.” 

They fell apart together, and held each other until their pieces could mend a bit. Ben rolled onto his side and Rey immediately snuggled up under his arm. He dropped a kiss onto her head and said “I can’t say we’ll never fight, but let’s always make up?”

“Always.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late but long because I couldn't leave you on a cliffhanger.

They spent the next few days at the cottage just enjoying being comfortable with one another again. They ate, made love, meditated. Rey worked on upgrading some of the mechanical systems out of a sense of guilt that they were using the dwelling without permission. They did some sparring in the woods, but Ben enjoyed it more than Rey did. He was far more suited to the climate than she was, with his big, heat-generating body and long, powerful legs. Snow that was knee-deep on him was much more difficult for Rey to negotiate. Still, he marked out a training course of sorts, with rocks to leap over, branches to swing from, and icy slopes to slide down. Rey tried it a few times, but mostly just enjoyed how much fun Ben seemed to be having with it.

But it was the mundane things that lulled them into a sense of security, like time and the rest of the galaxy didn’t exist. They were just Ben and Rey, washing the dishes together after dinner or folding their newly-cleaned clothes. Ben’s hair was getting long, so he asked Rey to either give him a haircut or braid it back for him. Rey sucked up her courage and snipped at it carefully with kitchen shears, achieving something like the longish style she remembered from times past. Ben swept up the clippings and let the wind take them as they stood together on the balcony, softly recounting how when he was a boy his mother would tell him that the creatures who would use the strands to line their nests would send him blessings in return. Rey told Ben small stories from her life, finding humor and kindness in the smallest interactions, like how she learned to understand binary from a very grumpy and ancient C1-series astromech who roamed unsteadily around the area that scavengers used to clean up their finds at Niima outpost. Relaxing was foreign to both of them, but they were making a go of it, reading side-by-side in bed and sipping tea.

They knew that the agreed-upon interval of a few days had already expired, but neither one of them brought up getting back in the shuttle. Surely they could pretend a little longer. But reality doesn’t shape itself around hopes and dreams, so Ben really wasn’t surprised to be woken by a knock on the cottage door early one morning about a week into their idyll. Rey was still asleep, her breath wafting a lock of her hair near her mouth. He dressed somewhat reluctantly, tucked his saber into the waistband of his trousers, and spared a last, wistful look at her sleeping face. She was going to be furious if he got dragged away in binders, but he couldn’t bear to wake her, to look into her eyes and say goodbye. Fixing an impassive look on his face, he went down the few steps into the entry hall and opened the door onto a small human woman bundled in heavy winter gear, including an enormous furry hat. He could see dark eyes and a few wisps of dark hair beside her face, but he didn’t recognize her.

“Ben Solo?” The woman’s voice was authoritative but not cold.

“Yes,” he replied, trying to keep his wariness from his voice.

“I’m Commander Rose Tico. I think you’d better let me in.” 

***

Ben didn’t sense any overt hostility from her, but he felt Rey stirring to wakefulness on the end of their bond and quickly sent whatever signals he could muster for her not to fly off the handle. He knew how protective Rey was of him, and though her devotion warmed him, he’d known this day was coming. The Commander was shedding her outer layers and stomping snow off her heavy boots when Rey appeared at the top of the steps dressed in one of his sweaters and a pair of thick wooly socks he’d found for her in the storage area. When she spoke, her tone was controlled, but cautious.

“Hi Rose.”

“Hi Rey, it’s good to see you.” 

Rey didn’t return the sentiment and Ben chided her silently. Aloud, and to both of them, Ben said, “let’s take this conversation out of the entryway. I’ll make some caf.”

“Good!” Rose chirped, with somewhat forced cheerfulness. “Rey makes terrible caf.” 

Ben guffawed with surprise and Rey burst forth a shocked “Rose!” But the Commander was already laughing “you know it’s true!” And Rey couldn’t help but smile at her.

“I suppose you’re right,” Rey admitted. “Just give me a minute and I’ll be right there.”

While Rey made quick use of the ‘fresher, Rose looked around the cozy little cottage with casual incisiveness. Surely she did not fail to notice the single rumpled bed, but she was too tactful -or strategic- to mention it. In addition to the caf, Ben offered Rose some of the eggs and vegetables he was making for himself and Rey. She declined, but with a small smile. Ben served up plates for his and Rey’s breakfast, and motioned for Rose to join them at the small dining table.

“So,” Rose drawled, taking a sip of her caf, then cut her gaze to Ben in appreciation. “This is good.” He nodded his acknowledgment. 

“Did Chewie tell you how to find us?” Rey interrupted before Rose could resume her thought. Ben could feel darkness roiling around her, making him more nervous than even the surprise visit from a Resistance officer would have.

“Not exactly. I noticed that one of the places the Falcon was sighted coincided with the location data on one of Chewie’s messages about you, so I did some digging. The last time he visited the new galactic government on Coruscant, he did it in a ship called the Shyyyo, which I think I spotted under trees behind this house. Anyway, I had to dig into our intelligence databases but was able to determine that the Shyyyo was logged exiting the Perlemian Trade Route in the Corusca Sector eight days ago. I’ve only knocked on a few wrong doors before finding you here.” All this was delivered with her characteristic cheerful competence. Rey’s mouth was hanging open, and Ben could feel her kicking herself for carelessness again.

“And you’re here as?” Ben prompted, his face still neutral, still sending calming signals to Rey. “Please, sweetheart,” he begged, not too ashamed to resort to pet names. “If it’s just her, she can’t stop us, we can run, but let’s hear her out.”

“An ally.” Rose smiled tightly. “Poe is way too much of a hothead to handle this and Finn completely blew his top and punched the console when he got your message, so I figured you needed someone rational on your side.”

“On our side.” Rey challenged. Ben shot her a desperate “let me do the talking” look.

“We’d be glad for an ally,” Ben said carefully, “but I’m wondering why you’re throwing in with us so easily. You and I just met twenty minutes ago; my caf’s not that good.”

“Finn and Poe are going to kriff this up.” Rose said bluntly, grinning. “And even I can see how touchy Rey is and you don’t exactly have a reputation for diplomacy. You need help. Everyone misses Rey, but I know she went through more than she told us on Exegol. And…” her voice softened, “I worked very closely with your mother during her final months. She wanted you back very badly.”

“So it’s for personal reasons,” Ben summarized, tucking her disclosure about his mother away for later. “Any decent leader is going to throw personal reasons out the airlock when political and strategic considerations come along.”

“There are more… unbiased reasons, too. We may have won the war, but we will lose the peace if we don’t achieve reconciliation. I grew up under the First Order, so I’m not a starry-eyed romantic. My parents grew up under the Empire and my grandparents under the Republic. Refusing to forge new alliances, think in new ways, is going to get us right back to those dysfunctional regimes and galactic wars.” 

“Interestingly, we have something else to offer in the name of reconciliation that you might not have considered.” Ben replied.

“Oh?”

Ben took a deep breath, hesitating to divulge too many details to a stranger. Rey picked up where he left off.

“It’s a Force thing. How much do you know about the Force?”

“I know you both have it, and General Organa did too. I saw what you did to rescue us, on Crait.”

“Lifting rocks is a Force thing, but it’s just a small thing, it’s like…” Rey paused, trying to put the flashy, obvious party-trick that was levitation in the context of the entire Force.

“Like a single beautiful bird in a wondrous forest, or a new island erupting from the endless sea. Ostentatious, impossible to look away from, but such a small part of the greater marvel that it’s almost immaterial.” 

Rose gaped at Ben but spoke to Rey, “ _and_ he’s a poet?!” 

Rey laughed and affectionately kicked Ben’s foot under the table. “He’s had a lot of practice. You get used to it.”

“Well I guess I’ll have to take your word for it, Ben, but that tiny little ostentatious marvel saved my life, so I’m impressed.” 

“But he is right,” Rey picked the thread back up. “The Force is everywhere, flowing through everything, and always seeking balance between light and dark.”

“Is that why you ran off together?” Rose asked. “Because you’re light and he’s dark and you balance each other? It’s not just a sex thing?” Ben looked away uncomfortably and Rey blushed.

“No, it’s not like that. Ok, not _entirely_ like that. I mean obviously you have eyes, so…” She trailed off, briefly glancing toward the bed. “But we both have light and dark within us. Ben spent a long time thinking he was lost to the dark, but it flows just as strongly within me.” Rey looked at Ben, and he continued.

“Powerful Force users have influenced the galaxy for thousands of years. You’re probably familiar with the Jedi, who used the light side of the Force, but there were secretive and dangerous darksiders called the Sith who ruled at the head of the Empire.” 

“Ohhhh… you mean Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine.”

Ben nodded. “Palpatine’s Sith name was Darth Sidious. Rey and I defeated him, though only just, and now there is an opportunity for us to bring the Force into a stronger kind of balance. Not the balance of two evenly matched opponents, but one that comes from Force users building stability with the balance of their powers, not just taking what they can or enforcing their dogma.”

“There are darksiders out there now -we’ve fought them- who are trying to resurrect the Sith and plunge the galaxy back into war. We think we can stop it.” Rey added.

“I’ll have to take your word for that,” Rose said, somewhat confused. “But I’m glad there’s a reason for everything you’ve been doing, I guess. Finn is convinced you ran off for a months-long booty call with our worst enemy, Rey. He’s furious. Poe is keeping a lid on it a little better -weird, I know- but he’s going to blow when he sees you two together.”

“I don’t know if I can explain our connection, Rose. I mean, I’ll try, but…” Rey heaved a sigh. “It’s love, of course it is, but Ben and I can share our every thought and emotion if we want to. Or sometimes even if we don’t want to. We have appeared to each other across light years. We can pass objects through the Force to each other across the same distances. I’ve healed him from a mortal wound and he literally brought me back from the dead. Anything that he knows in the Force, I know too, and the opposite is also true.”

“So he knows about that time when I was six and Paige was eleven, and…”

“No, but…”

“But you could tell him? Like, with the Force?”

“I could, I guess, but…” 

“Show me.” Rose said, bluntly.

With a cringe, Rey turned toward Ben, whose eyes widened. “Your parents grounded you both for fighting and told you that you had to learn to work together so you gathered a bucket full of amphibians and dumped it in their bed? After you set the nunas loose as a diversion?” Ben relayed, with astonished horror. “My mother would have fed me to a sarlacc…”

“Funnily enough, she said the exact same thing when I told her that story.” They all laughed, feeling a fragile camaraderie forming between them. When they fell quiet, Rose continued seriously, “Ok, here’s what we’re going to do…”

They quickly agreed to contact Chewie so he could be there if negotiations got aggressive. He said he’d have to stash the Falcon and get onto a clean ship but that he could meet up whenever they were ready. Ben was interested in Rose and Rey’s opinions of Finn and Poe, and how they might react to their three closest allies throwing in with him.

“Well they’re not going to like it, but I think we can manage them.” Rose replied.

“They’re the Generals of the Resistance, what kind of advantage can we have?” Rey asked.

“We don’t go to them as Generals, we go to them as friends.” Rose answered, like it was the easiest thing in the galaxy.

“Will Finn still see me as a friend?” Rey asked in a small voice. “I’m not very good at this friends thing.”

“If he weren’t your friend, he wouldn’t be mad,” Rose assured her. “And he’s not any more experienced at this ‘friends thing’ than you, Rey. He needs to learn that he can’t have you all to himself.”

“Friends is good,” Ben mused. “But us going to them isn’t. If we march into galactic HQ and demand a parley we’ll be playing into their strengths. We need to get them out of their offices, away from their guards and staff so they are truly in the ‘friends’ mindset.”

“I like that,” said Rose. “Where are we going to do this?”

“Not here,” Rey said. “We’re basically invading this place. We should go back to Tatooine. It’s as far away from Coruscant as you can get, and it was our home, for a while. I want them to see that Ben can build, not just destroy.”

“Have you been watching the homestead?” Ben asked Rose. “I don’t want to hop out of the ship and run right into a bounty hunter.”

“I can get them to cancel the bounty if the potential payoff is good enough,” Rose replied.

“Chewie mentioned you would be interested in what intelligence I can provide on the First Order. I’m willing to cooperate on that.”

“Excellent. I’ll get it set up for, say, two weeks’ time?” Rose said.

“Yes, we need to meet up with Chewie and open up the homestead again. Make it feel like a home.” Ben reached over and squeezed Rey’s shoulder.

They discussed a few more details before Rose took her leave. “I’ll send a message when I’ve got the bounty lifted. It shouldn’t be more than a few hours.”

Rey was happy and nostalgic at the warmth in Rose’s goodbye hug, but Ben was completely surprised to be clasped in a quick embrace as well. He awkwardly squeezed her shoulders and let out a small, startled “oh” but she retreated quickly.

“Fighting with love is kind of my thing,” Rose explained, only a little sheepishly. 

“No, it’s ok,” Ben stammered. “I’m just not great at the ‘friends thing,’ either.” 

“Well you’re about to get better, because we’re definitely going to be friends,” she informed him.

Ben mumbled, “um, ok?” A little bewildered and a little touched by the cheerful, efficient, fierce little tornado that was Rose Tico. Shivering on the front step, he and Rey watched her go with the small hope that had been building since Chewie tracked them down on Balnab.


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm kind of loading up the fluff but goddamn life needs some fluff right now. I promise I will not rot your teeth forever but you might have to put up with one more chapter before we get down to it. Consider this our fluffy denouement.
> 
> Also, I had a funny thought while re-watching Return of the Jedi which spawned a hopefully shorter and funnier fic. Stay tuned, I'm hoping to drop a few initial chapters soon.

When Rose’s ship had disappeared into the low hanging clouds, Ben made more caf and they got under the covers to snuggle. A gentle snow was falling, the cookstove was putting out plenty of heat, and they wanted to take a moment to be cozy before things started getting intense again.

“What do you think?” Ben asked Rey. “Does this feel right?” 

“It’s frightening, but I think it does.” Rey snuggled a little deeper under Ben’s arm as he lounged against the headboard.

“I won’t say there’s no going back if we do this, but it will be more difficult.”

“I am still nervous, Ben, but I think that if you want to avoid a life on the run, this is our best chance at it.”

“Mmm.” Ben murmured in agreement.

“There’s something else. I know we’ve both been thinking about it so it’s not like I’m just bringing it up to give us some kind of advantage but I think we should at least consider it for personal reasons if not strategic ones and…” Rey was babbling.

“Rey,” Ben interrupted, calmly. “It’s ok, you can say it.”

Rey took a deep breath and then spoke. “I think we should get married. That way we’re legally linked if anything happens, and they can’t cut one of us off from the other. And I think it would make Finn more hesitant to try to break up my family than just run off my boyfriend he hates.” Ben chuckled. 

“I’d like to see him try. But I would like that. As far as I’m concerned, we have been married for a long time now.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Maybe that’s what I was thinking when I gave you that kyber. Or maybe even when you came to me on the Supremacy. When you chose me.”

“But I left you…”

“So we had a rough patch.”

“A few rough patches… during one of which I stabbed you.”

“Well I didn’t exactly get us off to a good start when I made you think I was going to chop your head off. But we patched things up, so let’s make it official?”

“Let’s.”

***

They spent the rest of the day closing up the cottage, washing the sheets and scrubbing the ‘fresher, cleaning out the stove, draining the water system, and packing their belongings back into the Shyyyo. Ben chopped some extra wood to leave for the owners and Rey dropped a credit chip on the dining table. As the watery light of the sun was failing, they climbed into Chewie’s ship and Ben started the pre-flight checks. Rey was a little sad to be leaving the quiet life they’d led for a few days at the cottage, but if she was honest, she wouldn’t miss the weather. Of course, she knew Ben didn’t like the searing heat of Tatooine any more than she liked knee deep snow, but she wasn’t too upset for him.

While Rey watched the half-shadowed disc of Dundeeden disappear in the viewport as they made their way toward the hyperspace lanes, Ben ran the nav calculations that would get them back to Tatooine.

“We can hop right on the Corellian Run and take it all the way to the Triellus, but I was hoping to take a little detour. Estimate 23 hours for the first leg.”

When Rey didn’t seem to hear him, he gave her a sideways look and made a mental recalculation. 

Rising from her reverie, she spoke, “I hate being trapped in here. Honestly if I never see the inside of the Shyyyo again, I won’t regret it.”

Ben raised his eyebrows at Rey, seeking her acknowledgment of their course, but not repeating himself. She nodded at him and he reached for the throttle and pushed it forward, launching them into hyperspace. As soon as they were underway, Ben unbuckled his harness and extended his hand to pull Rey out of her seat.

“Come on, I’ll make some dinner.”

A little while later, they were eating plates of fried white fish sprinkled with a spicy, sour mixture, shredded raw vegetables in a creamy dressing, and thinly sliced fried tubers.

“This is good.” Rey said around a mouthful of fish. “I mean, it’s always good, but this is comforting.”

“It’s picnic food. I think you’d like picnics.”

“I’ve never been on one, but I think I’d like it. There’s food and you, what more could I need.” Her eyes unfocused for a minute, looking out into the lounge. Ben could feel her overlooking a green vista in her mind. She sighed a little. “It helps, having something to look forward to.”

“Speaking of anticipation, well… never mind.” He grinned and bashfully ducked his head.

“You cannot do that to me, Ben Solo! Spill!”

“I don’t want to ruin it!”

“Is there anything about me that would make you think I like surprises.” It was a statement, not a question.

“Maybe when we get a little closer.” He playfully threw his hands up as she shoved him, more affectionate than annoyed. “Come on, let’s get cleaned up. It’s been a long day.” 

“You can say that again. The cold just makes me so tired.” They took their plates to the galley and Rey started to run some wash water while Ben gathered up the dirty pans and bowls.

“You’ll be happy once we’re back on Tatooine, then.” She made quick work of their plates and utensils, handing them to Ben to be dried.

“Won’t you be?” She asked.

“Well I’m not built for the heat, but you were right when you said it was our home. I like the way we were when we were there.” Ben accepted the clean skillet from Rey, dried it, and hung it up beside the cooker.

“Cagey, suspicious, and barely not-hostile?” Rey joked.

“I mean it wasn’t all like that.” He leered a little bit, just to make her laugh. “And I liked helping you with the machines, and figuring out what you like to eat…”

“Have you figured it out? Because I’m pretty sure I’ve liked everything you’ve ever cooked.” Rey washed the last bowl, then handed it to Ben. He took it from her, but held her gaze.

“It was the first place we did anything normal together. Spent time in the actual same place without any lightsabers involved. It wasn’t the place where I fell in love with you -that was Starkiller, when you beat me within an inch of my life- but it was the first place where I got to be in love with you. Where I got to acknowledge it, to you and to myself.”

Rey looked a little abashed. “I’m sorry I denied it so long. I know that was hard for you.”  
“Don’t be. You had reasons. Good reasons. Kriff, I’d tell you to run from the guy you met on Starkiller, and he was me.”

“He was and he wasn’t. Isn’t that the problem we’ve got now? Ben Solo who was Kylo Ren who was Ben Solo? I knew who Ben Solo was, but I still couldn’t admit what it was between us.”

“You and I got there, and we’ll get the others to come along too. No force in the galaxy can stand against us.” His voice was on fire with ferocious tenderness as he reached out to graze her cheek with his knuckles.

“You make me believe it,” Rey said softly, leaning up for a kiss.

***

Their night-cycle had come and gone and the next day-cycle was drawing to a close when Ben made his way back to the cockpit of the Shyyyo. Rey was wedged under the dejarik table, trying to reduce the flicker rate of the holo to make the animated playing pieces move more smoothly as a thank you to Chewie, so she didn’t notice him go. The Shyyyo was making good time down the Corellian -Chewie knew his ships- and they could be at Arkanis, where he’d told Rey they would switch over to the Triellus Trade Run, in another nine hours. Instead, as they approached the Churba System, he quietly dropped them out of hyperspace and maneuvered them over to the Duros Space Run, slipping back into hyperspace before Rey noticed a thing. They’d still reach their next jump point in about nine hours, but they wouldn’t be at Arkanis.

Ben was edgy keeping their new destination a secret -a surprise, he told himself, trying to keep his nerves under wraps- so he tried to calm himself down and distract Rey the best he could, flirting shamelessly with her over their evening meal. And when they climbed into bed, he peppered her with kisses, lavishing her with attention down and down and down until she was writing under his mouth, and coming with her thighs clenched around his ears. Finally, he made love to her sweetly, bringing her to the edge over and over before reducing her to a boneless, sated wreck.

“I know what you’re doing,” she mumbled into his bicep as he cradled her to sleep from behind.

“What?” He tried to sound innocent, but it didn’t work.

“You’re trying to throw me off the scent.” She scooted her ass closer to him for emphasis.

“Is it working?” 

“Maybe,” she conceded, “but I won’t forget.” She tried to sound stern but was too sated and sleepy for it to have any real effect.

“Tomorrow. You’ll know when we get there.” He pressed a kiss to her hair.

“Ok, I can live with that,” she mumbled.

“I was hoping you’d actually like it, but…” he teased.

“Ok, ok, tomorrow, then. Sleep now.” And with one last wiggle she dropped off to sleep, Ben’s lips in her hair and a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatever could our sneaky boy be up to?


End file.
